Page 22 | Child given money by "Vicar" at school

Daffodildahlia · 04/04/2026 14:18

ZoeCM · 04/04/2026 13:51

To add to my post: Christians have shown time and time again that they will cover up child abuse to save their own arses. Have a look at online Catholic forums, for example, and you'll see how many of them still call victims of child sexual abuse pathetic crybabies.

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Which ones do you refer to, because I know of no such vile organisations ?

ZoeCM · 04/04/2026 14:18

Daffodildahlia · 04/04/2026 10:00

I disagree - I think it's a 'kneejerk reaction' for Dioceses to 'cover their backs' and it's the kids that lose out because of it.

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Lose out on what? Being molested?

Daffodildahlia · 04/04/2026 14:15

MadeInGrimsby · 04/04/2026 13:37

Exactly this. It's the same in schools. It's a pity it's necessary really, but that's the situation. It's not bureaucracy, and it is certainly not bonkers.

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Schools are a different kettle of fish as teachers are paid employees and as such will have DBS checks paid for by the Local Authority - most churchworkers (apart from the Parish Administrator) are not.

I can't speak for other denominations but I know the C of E is heavily dependent on the volunteer laity for keeping many activities functioning. They give their time gratis yet are now expected to pay out of their own pockets as well.
And this is on top of anything they wish to put on the collection plate !

I would still maintain it's unnecessary bureaucracy - especially the part I mentioned about bell-ringing tutors having to have a separate DBS certificate for every church they taught in.
It's the same person going from tower to tower, they don't suddenly morph into a paedophile when they pass out of St Mark's Parish into St James' Parish !

CarlaLemarchant · 04/04/2026 14:08

Actually, given the fact that no crime has been committed, Police and Lado would expect school and the church to do their own fact finding which would have to involve speaking to the vicar.

Reasonstobelieve · 04/04/2026 13:55

Flushitdown · 04/04/2026 12:59

Never been on safeguarding training have you!

Number one thing taught on SG training, don't confront the abuser. Gives them time to sort a story and earns them of potential investigations.

OP needs to alter the police and the LADO. I'd say school as well but that can be done after the holidays.

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I totally understand this although if he is a predator I'm sure he already has a well rehearsed story in the likelyhood of being caught. Personally I would be so angry I would want to look him straight in the eye & watch his reaction. I would then go to the police.

ForNoisyCat · 04/04/2026 13:53

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 03/04/2026 20:51

So my 10 year old daughter (year 5) came home from school on Thursday and told us the Vicar (possibly just a trainee, I'm not entirely sure) who was taking their collective worship at school gave her £5 to "get herself an Easter treat" and that it was "just between me and you" I asked her if she told the teacher and she said no. I feel quite uneasy about this, should I say something to the school?

report, Tell your child to stay away from him and warn the other parents

ZoeCM · 04/04/2026 13:51

ZoeCM · 04/04/2026 13:34

It's not bureaucracy gone bonkers. The awkward truth is that churches are magnets for paedophiles, and extreme measures have had to be brought in to counteract this.

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To add to my post: Christians have shown time and time again that they will cover up child abuse to save their own arses. Have a look at online Catholic forums, for example, and you'll see how many of them still call victims of child sexual abuse pathetic crybabies.

Moonnstarz · 04/04/2026 13:43

MrsMaryHaward · 04/04/2026 13:39

Email the school with urgent safeguarding concern and detail exactly what has happened.
recall it as factually as you can eg my daughter Millie arrived home from school and said ‘the vicar at school gave me £5 for a treat’ …. I didn’t believe her and she produced a £5 note out of her left pocket I clarified ….. and asked

take emotion and judgement out and just do it factually

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I wouldn't add the whole I didn't believe her til she pulled it out. Keep it factual as you say.
Label the email as urgent safeguarding and email headteacher, safeguarding lead and teacher.
'Daughter came home from school and said there was a vicar who she was sat next to in assembly. They gave her £5 and then said to keep it between me and you. DD did have a £5 note in her school bag.
Could you please clarify what the money was given out for as she said no one else was given any and I am concerned regarding her saying he told her to keep it between them'.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/04/2026 13:41

Reasonstobelieve · 04/04/2026 12:53

If you have his name & the church he is associated with I would search for his phone number then call him & ask him why he gave my daughter money & wait for his reaction. He would definitely makeup a story but I'd still want to challenge him. I would even
consider going to his house to question him & hand back the money.

Don't do that. You could muddy the waters if it became a police investigation.

MrsMaryHaward · 04/04/2026 13:39

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 04/04/2026 00:09

This is what I'm going to do. I'm not naive enough to think there's no chance she could be lying, she has been caught out in lies before (although nothing as serious as this) and as much as I'd like to think she wouldn't lie about something so serious I would rather the school investigate it first before taking it further. However I will be extremely shocked if she has made it all up, she's very adamant about it

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Email the school with urgent safeguarding concern and detail exactly what has happened.
recall it as factually as you can eg my daughter Millie arrived home from school and said ‘the vicar at school gave me £5 for a treat’ …. I didn’t believe her and she produced a £5 note out of her left pocket I clarified ….. and asked

take emotion and judgement out and just do it factually

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/04/2026 13:38

Zov · 04/04/2026 10:32

Well yeah, it's best to get the facts right before throwing someone under the bus! The OP needs to dig deeply and investigate and make sure exactly what happened. (It is possible of course that it happened exactly as the child said...)

.

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Of course.

Swiftie1878 · 04/04/2026 13:37

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 04/04/2026 00:09

This is what I'm going to do. I'm not naive enough to think there's no chance she could be lying, she has been caught out in lies before (although nothing as serious as this) and as much as I'd like to think she wouldn't lie about something so serious I would rather the school investigate it first before taking it further. However I will be extremely shocked if she has made it all up, she's very adamant about it

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Yes, you need to be certain she hasn’t actually stolen this money and is using the vicar as a cover story.
Having said that, if you believe what she says, you MUST report it as soon as you possibly can. He will have access to an awful lot of children over the Easter period. 😳

MadeInGrimsby · 04/04/2026 13:37

ZoeCM · 04/04/2026 13:34

It's not bureaucracy gone bonkers. The awkward truth is that churches are magnets for paedophiles, and extreme measures have had to be brought in to counteract this.

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Exactly this. It's the same in schools. It's a pity it's necessary really, but that's the situation. It's not bureaucracy, and it is certainly not bonkers.

ZoeCM · 04/04/2026 13:34

Daffodildahlia · 04/04/2026 08:01

I find that hard to believe when there are now such strict safeguarding protocols in place.

Some are so strict, that it interferes with some activities that the children like eg:

One church I know about had a vicar who had a childrens' band in the church tower room on a Saturday morning (his eardrums had my sympathy !)
He played the guitar and was helping some children learn and he had parents' permission for that, This involved sitting behind the child on another chair and guiding their fingers into position on the fret.
After the new Safeguarding Rules came in to operation he cancelled the group because he was concerned that it might leave him open to unfounded allegations.
It was the kids that lost out.

Some of my friends were bellringers and taught children to ring bells.
To do this they needed a DBS certificate from the police. Unfortunately the Diocese required a certificate that covered them for each church tower they rang at. At a cost of £21.50 for a basic certificate and £49.50 for advanced one this was financially penalising.
They approached the Diocese to see if they could have a "mobile" one that would cover them for every tower in the area but this was refused as each church had it's own insurance.

So all they could do was just teach at their own tower. Again the kids lost out.

Not only that, but a Safeguarding rule came into place that said if people were transporting children to a church activity they needed to have an adult male and female, both with DBS checks, in the vehicle.
My friends used to go around the area collecting children and taking them to bellringing practice. Usually they carried 4 in a car. After this ruling came into play 1 child lost out in each car as they could only take 3, to make room for the extra adult.

All this is bureaucracy gone bonkers IMO

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It's not bureaucracy gone bonkers. The awkward truth is that churches are magnets for paedophiles, and extreme measures have had to be brought in to counteract this.

MadeInGrimsby · 04/04/2026 13:34

AnnaQuayRules · 04/04/2026 13:31

Whatever you do, please do NOT do this. It will give him time to make up a plausible story. Any safeguarding investigations need to follow a strict protocol which the school and church will know. You could completely jeopardise any chance of this being thoroughly investigated

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This ⬆️.
Please do this through the proper channels.

AnnaQuayRules · 04/04/2026 13:31

Reasonstobelieve · 04/04/2026 12:53

If you have his name & the church he is associated with I would search for his phone number then call him & ask him why he gave my daughter money & wait for his reaction. He would definitely makeup a story but I'd still want to challenge him. I would even
consider going to his house to question him & hand back the money.

Whatever you do, please do NOT do this. It will give him time to make up a plausible story. Any safeguarding investigations need to follow a strict protocol which the school and church will know. You could completely jeopardise any chance of this being thoroughly investigated

Mamdecakes · 04/04/2026 13:01

Wife of Anglican clergyman here.
Not only report to the school but also the Safeguarding Officer/team of whichever religious organisation he represents. If C of E contact the Diocese and ask to speak to safeguarding officer. Other denominations will have the equivalent.
This is vital because the person in question may well visit any number of schools/youth groups etc.

Flushitdown · 04/04/2026 12:59

Reasonstobelieve · 04/04/2026 12:53

If you have his name & the church he is associated with I would search for his phone number then call him & ask him why he gave my daughter money & wait for his reaction. He would definitely makeup a story but I'd still want to challenge him. I would even
consider going to his house to question him & hand back the money.

Never been on safeguarding training have you!

Number one thing taught on SG training, don't confront the abuser. Gives them time to sort a story and earns them of potential investigations.

OP needs to alter the police and the LADO. I'd say school as well but that can be done after the holidays.

Reasonstobelieve · 04/04/2026 12:53

If you have his name & the church he is associated with I would search for his phone number then call him & ask him why he gave my daughter money & wait for his reaction. He would definitely makeup a story but I'd still want to challenge him. I would even
consider going to his house to question him & hand back the money.

Oldandbored · 04/04/2026 12:24

Daffodildahlia · 04/04/2026 10:00

I disagree - I think it's a 'kneejerk reaction' for Dioceses to 'cover their backs' and it's the kids that lose out because of it.

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As someone who works for a diocese I can assure you it won't be a knee jerk reaction or covering anyone's back. It's about doing a duty to make sure everyone is safe as far as is humanly possible to ascertain, simply for that motivation. Safety. Yea of course there are issues of reputational risk that need to be attended to, same for schools and other organisations. A particular risk with people's dealings with churches is too much trust and letting things go unchecked. There are ways of sorting out transport that will comply without adding risk , hire or borrow a mini bus for instance instead of private car use.

YerMotherWasAHamster · 04/04/2026 12:04

Blairwitch82 · 04/04/2026 11:48

This is horrendous and it’s so sad to see so many people say she is lying !

it’s one hell of a story for a small child to make up

This man sounds like a classic predator and is testing her to see if she will keep a secret.

I Would actually contact the police as he may have already had complaints and it needs to be logged.

these predators rely on the fact small children won’t be believed.

Shocking, isnt it?

She's probably made it up, she's probably misunderstood, if he did give her money, it won't have been sinister, he was probably being nice, talk to the school (or even him!!) first (because of course if its dodgy theyll admit that won't they,)

The same people will be shocked by reports of child abuse happening right under the parents noses and say things like why didn't they listen to their child, how could they think it was ok for their child to be told to keep a secret..

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/04/2026 12:02

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 04/04/2026 00:09

This is what I'm going to do. I'm not naive enough to think there's no chance she could be lying, she has been caught out in lies before (although nothing as serious as this) and as much as I'd like to think she wouldn't lie about something so serious I would rather the school investigate it first before taking it further. However I will be extremely shocked if she has made it all up, she's very adamant about it

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I'd email the school about it asap - it's the sort of thing that needs investigating quickly, if only for your peace of mind.

Blairwitch82 · 04/04/2026 11:48

This is horrendous and it’s so sad to see so many people say she is lying !

it’s one hell of a story for a small child to make up

This man sounds like a classic predator and is testing her to see if she will keep a secret.

I Would actually contact the police as he may have already had complaints and it needs to be logged.

these predators rely on the fact small children won’t be believed.

Tillow4ever · 04/04/2026 11:31

MagicTape · 03/04/2026 21:12

I'm not sure any schools in E&W were still running on Thursday - the latest term date I can find is Wednesday 1st, although possibly I've missed one. If OP is abroad then there will be different safeguarding bodies to contact.

My kids school, in Rutland (England) finished on Thursday after school.

HarpieDuJour · 04/04/2026 10:47

At the very least, this man needs careful watching and some training about what is appropriate. I'm RC, so not all that familiar with C of E procedures, but I would write directly to the bishop (because I know ours and he would definitely take action), and also report to the school.
It's possible that this man's intentions were good, if misguided. However, you obviously can't assume that. My priest is a family friend (he was trained by a family member of mine). He has given gifts to our children on occasion, and sometimes cash. These gifts were always given to me to pass on to the children, or cash was given to me to buy treats for them. I know that he keeps secrets for them, obviously (Confession!), but asking them to keep secrets from me would be very concerning to me, as it is to you.