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Child given money by "Vicar" at school

812 replies

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 03/04/2026 20:51

So my 10 year old daughter (year 5) came home from school on Thursday and told us the Vicar (possibly just a trainee, I'm not entirely sure) who was taking their collective worship at school gave her £5 to "get herself an Easter treat" and that it was "just between me and you" I asked her if she told the teacher and she said no. I feel quite uneasy about this, should I say something to the school?

OP posts:
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mrsCtheRed · 04/04/2026 19:35

Reading this just made my blood run cold.

As others have said, I'd definitely report it to the school, and also clarify exactly who this man was.

Well done to your dd for telling you.

Marieb19 · 04/04/2026 19:31

Report this. Big red flags thaf he gave ger money and told her to keep quiet about it.

Fairfatandforty · 04/04/2026 19:21

Might the vicar (do we know the gender?) have been speaking about Easter and your daughter mentioned she wasn't getting any eggs or something? Children say peculiar, innocent things at that age! I do agree that you should mention it to the school, asking them to throw some light on it. But please , try to stay calm at this stage. Your child is safe with you. Its a huge shame that it's the school holidays though. Have you mentioned it to any other parents? I really hope it's all an innocent event, and that you can breathe easy very soon ❤️

Daffodildahlia · 04/04/2026 19:14

ZoeCM · 04/04/2026 18:21

So your issue isn't actually that the DBS certificate is required, but that the church isn't covering the cost themselves? That's not what you said in your earlier posts. You said that requiring the DBS was "bonkers bureaucracy" and a "kneejerk reaction".

Why haven't you replied to any of the other points I made? Why did you say my priorities are skewed?

You said that requiring the DBS was "bonkers bureaucracy"

I did not say that at all.

Please read the copy of my response at 8.01 today, below -

"I would still maintain it's unnecessary bureaucracy - especially the part I mentioned about bell-ringing tutors having to have a separate DBS certificate for every church they taught in."

And as for a 'kneejerk reaction' - it came into being suddenly as this case was being investigated years ago

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-41348011

Why haven't you replied to any of the other points I made? Why did you say my priorities are skewed?

Have a good look at your posts that insult volunteers and you'll have your answer.

Iris2020 · 04/04/2026 19:09

OP it's really bad and I'm shocked people, as evil as they are, still feel free to do that stuff without fear of immediately running their lives
Who in the world gives a child money and then tells them it's a secret? In school? The kind boggles.

NoRoomForALittleOne · 04/04/2026 19:08

worldsgonemadnow · 04/04/2026 18:53

That is helpful but it also needs to be reported to police and Social Services safeguarding/child protection.

Diocesan Safeguarding Advisor escalate matters to police but also deal with things within the church so you cover all bases this way. They absolutely do not give clergy time to get their story straight as previously suggested by another poster.

worldsgonemadnow · 04/04/2026 18:53

NoRoomForALittleOne · 04/04/2026 18:20

As it is a member of clergy, you need to call the Diocesan Safeguarding Advisor. As you state that you are in County Durham, you can find the details you need here: https://www.durhamdiocese.org/support-for-your-role/parish-safeguarding-officers/support-and-contacts

That is helpful but it also needs to be reported to police and Social Services safeguarding/child protection.

CrownofBlood · 04/04/2026 18:48

worldshottestmom · 04/04/2026 17:37

I was referring to the post not being real. Very vague short story detailing the classic tale of clergymen being predators, and has come to MN about it rather than just report it, which would be 99% of other people's first instinct - reeks of ragebait if you ask me.

Which is why I specified, if it is real, and not just ragebait, obviously the school should be informed. I would never assume a child is lying or be doubtful of them when it concerns matters like this.

I think I understand.

You prefaced your post with "if this is real" so that we know you think the OP might be making up shit and you are not easily taken in, unlike the rest of us gullible dupes.

GreenFritillary · 04/04/2026 18:39

Send a formal complaint to school, church and police, asking for full disclosure of the steps they take to deal with this man. Let them all know that your complaint has been copied to the others, and that if you are not satisfied with their reactions, you will take it further, to discourage them from sweeping it under the carpet.
Praise child some more.

pollymere · 04/04/2026 18:38

Unless it was a competition prize, this is extremely concerning. You must report it to the Safeguarding Lead at the School.

incognito1991 · 04/04/2026 18:38

how worrying op, I hope you get to the bottom of this

JJWT · 04/04/2026 18:38

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 03/04/2026 21:14

From what I can gather she somehow ended up sitting next to the Vicar, I assume maybe the head teacher takes over at the end of the assembly or something? I need to properly clarify with her exactly when it happened, I can't see how it's not been noticed by anyone else tbh. Annoyingly there won't be anyone there until 20th when they reopen so I can't contact anyone until then.

Yes you can. Do not wait. Email the headteacher and copy in the chair of governors unless that's the priest. Safeguarding issues can be reported anytime. Lots more families than usual will be going to church tomorrow, its typically a child friendly event, often wth priests giving eggs to children.

Wtafdidido · 04/04/2026 18:36

Sounds like the first step in grooming and gaining her trust to me. Absolutely report it. There are no circumstances in which this would be acceptable and the Vicar will have had safeguarding training so would have known .

ThatLemonBee · 04/04/2026 18:35

I am shocked you haven’t contacted the police who would get in touch with the head anyway . This is not something that’s hour be waiting

ThatLemonBee · 04/04/2026 18:33

NoRoomForALittleOne · 04/04/2026 18:20

As it is a member of clergy, you need to call the Diocesan Safeguarding Advisor. As you state that you are in County Durham, you can find the details you need here: https://www.durhamdiocese.org/support-for-your-role/parish-safeguarding-officers/support-and-contacts

T gov whom time to cover his tracks ? Would you do this to any potential pedophile? Give them time to think if a story to tell , hide evidence and cover their back ? They jay if he has abused if other kids already ? Why doe she get a free pass based on religion ?

grumpygrape · 04/04/2026 18:28

Indiebee · 04/04/2026 18:00

Hugely worrying. I would be notifying the police on the 101 line and tell them you have emailed the school as well. Great that you have the fiver as additional evidence - hope you’ve kept it separately. That is exactly how grooming starts. I can’t imagine she has made it up.

I agree and I don’t understand why the Police shouldn’t be involved immediately whether it’s also reported to the school or church. Especially given we are now into two weeks of school holiday.

I would have thought the Police would be genned up enough now to take this seriously but also be careful if the child has made it up. If she has made it up and that comes out it’ll be a big life lesson for her when the Police tell her she’s wasted their time.

ZoeCM · 04/04/2026 18:21

Daffodildahlia · 04/04/2026 17:50

@ZoeCM If someone is complaining that they're being financially penalised because they're being required to pay £50 for a DBS certificate to work for an organisation that has a long-running history of covering up child abuse, they need to take a long hard look at themselves.

Why?

These people are not employees, they are volunteers. If you'd read my original post you would know that.
Employees usually get their DBS checks paid for by the employer.

So your issue isn't actually that the DBS certificate is required, but that the church isn't covering the cost themselves? That's not what you said in your earlier posts. You said that requiring the DBS was "bonkers bureaucracy" and a "kneejerk reaction".

Why haven't you replied to any of the other points I made? Why did you say my priorities are skewed?

NoRoomForALittleOne · 04/04/2026 18:20

As it is a member of clergy, you need to call the Diocesan Safeguarding Advisor. As you state that you are in County Durham, you can find the details you need here: https://www.durhamdiocese.org/support-for-your-role/parish-safeguarding-officers/support-and-contacts

Contacts - Diocese of Durham

Support and helpful contacts for Parish Safeguarding Officers.

https://www.durhamdiocese.org/support-for-your-role/parish-safeguarding-officers/support-and-contacts

busymomtoone · 04/04/2026 18:17

The only remote scenario I can see for this is if there was a collection and she had nothing for the collection plate which he meant this for ( and she didn’t realise). As others have said in that situation he might have meant don’t tell the other children. However at very very best and most charitable explanation, he should have known better , and needs substantially more safeguarding training. If it was innocent ( and I struggle to understand how) he won’t mind it being brought to his attention and clarifying. If it wasn’t then you have an opportunity ( thanks to your brilliant daughter) to ensure he is removed/ closely monitored before any harm is done ( hopefully).

Salyexley · 04/04/2026 18:15

Religion should be kept out of schools and there is charity and there is handing a child money, I'd report it

Sennelier1 · 04/04/2026 18:01

I think you should tell the school ánd go to the police. Please do something! This is not normal! I have been abused (not raped) by a priest in my teenage years. My mother knew and accused me of "exagerating" because he was "a man of god" so obviously couldn't do anything wrong and I was a liar. Once my younger brother went with me, the priest told him "this is between me and your sister, you wait here in the hallway". The priest was my brother's Latin teacher.

skyscrapersinging · 04/04/2026 18:00

Absolutely right to be worried about this. It sounds like grooming- they’ll try to get away with some small indiscretion to see how the child responds. I’d be coming down on this like a tonne of bricks. At best it’s inappropriate to make gifts to a child in that setting, at worst it could be the prelude to something very much more serious.

Daffodildahlia · 04/04/2026 18:00

Inthenameoflove · 04/04/2026 17:15

I haven’t followed the full line of this debate. But just to say I have never heard of volunteers having to pay for their own DBS in churches. If this is true for this individual then it is definitely not the norm. Our church covers the costs of our volunteers as part of its committment to safer recuitment. Safeguarding basic, foundation and leadership (for example if you are managing other volunteers) plus our own safeguarding training with fire procedures and code of conduct information specific to our place of worship is also all free of charge. Likewise if you volunteer to be a first aider - this cost is covered.
I’d hate people who felt they might like to volunteer being put off by the potential cost. There is a time committment to safer recruitment. But we make no apologies for that. We only want volunteers who are as committed to safeguarding as the rest of us are! Being rich is absolutely not a requirement though.

I can't say if other volunteers such as tea ladies and brass cleaners get paid DBS checks but certainly Bellringers didn't IME

Indiebee · 04/04/2026 18:00

Hugely worrying. I would be notifying the police on the 101 line and tell them you have emailed the school as well. Great that you have the fiver as additional evidence - hope you’ve kept it separately. That is exactly how grooming starts. I can’t imagine she has made it up.

Daffodildahlia · 04/04/2026 17:50

@ZoeCM If someone is complaining that they're being financially penalised because they're being required to pay £50 for a DBS certificate to work for an organisation that has a long-running history of covering up child abuse, they need to take a long hard look at themselves.

Why?

These people are not employees, they are volunteers. If you'd read my original post you would know that.
Employees usually get their DBS checks paid for by the employer.