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Original poster

Child given money by "Vicar" at school

812 replies

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 03/04/2026 20:51

So my 10 year old daughter (year 5) came home from school on Thursday and told us the Vicar (possibly just a trainee, I'm not entirely sure) who was taking their collective worship at school gave her £5 to "get herself an Easter treat" and that it was "just between me and you" I asked her if she told the teacher and she said no. I feel quite uneasy about this, should I say something to the school?

OP posts:
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5
Swiftie1878 · 08/04/2026 10:50

awfulapril · 08/04/2026 08:51

If you think this is an immediate danger, then you obviously have no experience of safeguarding

There is no immediate danger to this child, but HE could be an immediate danger to other children, especially over the Easter period when lots of children attend church/church arranged activities.

There are two sides to safeguarding, which given you have experience in the area, you obviously know.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 08/04/2026 10:19

awfulapril · 08/04/2026 08:51

If you think this is an immediate danger, then you obviously have no experience of safeguarding

This

awfulapril · 08/04/2026 08:51

If you think this is an immediate danger, then you obviously have no experience of safeguarding

awfulapril · 08/04/2026 08:50

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 08:03

Yeah right. So every school is the same? Nope.

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Yup.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 08/04/2026 08:48

JustSawJohnny · 07/04/2026 15:13

The child is at home with their parents and the school is closed.

There are childr4en out there who are being abused right now.

THEY take priority in a vastly stretched social service, and rightly so.

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Which is exactly why the OP needs to report this to the police.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 08/04/2026 08:46

Blueshoey484 · 07/04/2026 10:07

What's the immediate danger? This isn't a child protection emergency. If there's so much risk why doesn't the OP call police?

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I have no idea why she hasn’t done so. She should have

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 08:03

awfulapril · 08/04/2026 06:51

Of course the school has a safeguarding contact email and of course they don't have a sofa in the back of a hall

Yeah right. So every school is the same? Nope.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 08:02

awfulapril · 08/04/2026 06:51

But I totally agree with everybody else this is not an emergency. The child is safe.

For now. And what if he’s trying this trick elsewhere and abusing other children?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/04/2026 08:01

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 07/04/2026 23:53

It really is a bizarre situation, when she first said it I was thinking to myself how the hell could that happen in that situation without any of the teachers or more than one other child seeing. But she is so adamant about it I can't disbelieve her without at least getting the school to investigate it.

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I’m torn, I don’t disbelieve or believe you. Kids sometimes say the strangest things and yes lie. I lied (not much) at that age. But this is a serious accusation if true. Has she had the stranger danger talk yet?

As kids we had a lovely 60s 70s illustrated stranger danger book. It fascinated us but was also friendly. My DM now has lost it! One of our fave books with drawn coloured pics of men in raincoats offering sweets to children. Eek!

Mumof2heroes · 08/04/2026 07:56

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CasperGutman · 08/04/2026 07:43

awfulapril · 08/04/2026 06:51

Of course the school has a safeguarding contact email and of course they don't have a sofa in the back of a hall

People are weirdly insistent on points like these. I don't find either point difficult to believe.

My kids' primary school is nowhere near Durham and there's no safeguarding contact email. The website lists the safeguarding lead, deputy and assistants and gives their phone numbers (they're all the same main school number). There's no safeguarding email at the school. It also lists various designated persons and safeguarding team contacts at the local authority, with phone numbers and email addresses.

And yes, there's a sofa in the back corner of the hall. The kind of uncomfortable upright upholstered seat/sofa you might find in an office reception area.

awfulapril · 08/04/2026 06:51

But I totally agree with everybody else this is not an emergency. The child is safe.

awfulapril · 08/04/2026 06:51

Of course the school has a safeguarding contact email and of course they don't have a sofa in the back of a hall

QuayshhLawrain · 08/04/2026 02:18

I've only read your posts @TakeALookAtTheseSwatches, so apologies if this has already been suggested. Have you tried googling "School name safeguarding contact email"? I just tried that for a few of my local schools and the email addresses popped up on the search, it may work even if it's not clearly signposted on the school website (which it really should be, and is another thing to raise with school once you manage to get hold of someone!)

UpsideDownAndBackToFront · 08/04/2026 00:19

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 08/04/2026 00:00

Thanks again for all the comments, at this point I am still going to wait for the school to reply, I do not think contacting the police at this stage would be appropriate and I'd really rather wait and establish all the facts with the school before going any further.

What about the designated governor for safeguarding? Schools often put governing body info somewhere on their website (can be buried in a downloadable document though). They would probably be more likely to be checking emails while the school is closed and would have contact details of the head.

Original poster
TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 08/04/2026 00:00

Thanks again for all the comments, at this point I am still going to wait for the school to reply, I do not think contacting the police at this stage would be appropriate and I'd really rather wait and establish all the facts with the school before going any further.

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Original poster
TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 07/04/2026 23:57

awfulapril · 07/04/2026 16:41

A sofa. In a school hall. Right.

I can't believe this is the thing you've picked up on but yes, I was in the school hall for the Easter Fair last week and there is two sofas in the back corner of the hall, I assume it's some kind of break out area? They're definitely there though.

OP posts:
Original poster
TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 07/04/2026 23:53

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/04/2026 18:23

Hmm I’m torn now on whether she’s telling the truth or lying. Did the vicar get up from the sofa and stand next to your DD? Seems like other child and cctv if there is any will resolve this.

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It really is a bizarre situation, when she first said it I was thinking to myself how the hell could that happen in that situation without any of the teachers or more than one other child seeing. But she is so adamant about it I can't disbelieve her without at least getting the school to investigate it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 07/04/2026 23:44

Ilovelurchers · 07/04/2026 13:29

OP, have you got any further with finding out how to flag a safeguarding concern during the holidays?

It concerns me that the school have provided no obvious means to do that. Their duty of care for the students doesn't just stop because it's the school holidays.

I've previously been a DSL in a school myself, and it was made clear to us in training that there must be someone monitoring emails at all times, so that if someone is put of the country for example the role falls to another trained member of staff - we would work out the rota between us.

It's not that uncommon for safeguarding concerns to arise over the holidays, when families are spending more time together, children may raise things they haven't mentioned previously, etc etc. Also issues between students may arise, and so on.

Nope no further at all, no reply to my email as of yet. I will PM you with the link to the school website, it's not ideal to have no one at all monitoring it.

OP posts:
MadeInGrimsby · 07/04/2026 23:02

Oldandbored · 07/04/2026 22:50

I've said multiple times that the Diocesan SG officer is the person to report this too/check identity and role of the person with. The diocese of Durham website will have a SG email and number clearly available. So indeed should the parish .
I know the church has a very patchy SG history but because of that the procedures are tight .

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Absolutely this. The church really have tightened up safeguarding procedures, and there is clarity of understanding of procedure now. The Diocesan SG lead should be contactable, or their deputy at any point. That any representative of the church, be it a vicar, curate or whatever, should behave in this way is quite extraordinary and contrary to even the basic practice guidance.
Never mind "best practice".

Oldandbored · 07/04/2026 22:50

Daffodildahlia · 07/04/2026 17:52

I thought they knew the school was C of E? So the local Anglican vicar should be able to advise, if not surely there is a safeguarding officer on duty ??

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I've said multiple times that the Diocesan SG officer is the person to report this too/check identity and role of the person with. The diocese of Durham website will have a SG email and number clearly available. So indeed should the parish .
I know the church has a very patchy SG history but because of that the procedures are tight .

pepperminticecream · 07/04/2026 22:50

MadeInGrimsby · 07/04/2026 22:40

I see you're not taking my hint. I'm not going to engage with a poster who tells me to "Google it".
That is all.
Edited for spelling error, which no doubt would have been pointed out! 😂

Edited
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I suggested you google the best practices in this situation because it needs to be dealt with properly. The OP had already questioned her daughter a few times (it what seems like the correct way). Posters have been suggesting asking the DD follow-up questions which it seems like you were suggesting as well.

I said you should google it because I think it’s helpful to read about the best practices from legitimate sources rather than someone positing on mumsnet.

And no, I don’t point out spelling errors. I am posting via my phone and I’m sure have plenty of spelling errors myself.

MadeInGrimsby · 07/04/2026 22:40

pepperminticecream · 07/04/2026 22:39

Well, I see you went to a lot of effort to clarify your posting.

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I see you're not taking my hint. I'm not going to engage with a poster who tells me to "Google it".
That is all.
Edited for spelling error, which no doubt would have been pointed out! 😂

pepperminticecream · 07/04/2026 22:39

MadeInGrimsby · 07/04/2026 22:32

Yes. You misunderstood entirely.

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Well, I see you went to a lot of effort to clarify your posting.

MadeInGrimsby · 07/04/2026 22:32

pepperminticecream · 07/04/2026 21:58

Perhaps I’m confused by your earlier statement and if so then I’m sorry. It seemed you were encouraging the OP to further talk to her DD about the situation.

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Yes. You misunderstood entirely.