Should this be the end?

You’re focusing too much on the prick incident. You’ve got to think of the bigger picture, which has emerged over a long time.
And get out of this relationship.

Only you can decide what the end is. But I think that you already have; you don’t like the person that you’re becoming in this relationship - that’s not a judgement on my part. We all get angry, shout and lose our temper but when it’s daily and comes with controlling behaviour that’s not healthy, neither is name calling. I say this, again not as a judgement, but reflecting on my own life experience. It”s hard to extricate from this situation but it’s about how much you will tolerate for you and your daughter. It’s also about what you’re teaching your daughter.
You’ve not mentioned love for him either? Or whether you feel family counselling may help to reflect on the dynamics - either to help end or to help heal. Only you know your daily living situation. But is your daughter usually happy with her stepdad? Our children (sadly) are fantastic mirrors for what we will tolerate - there’s lots we put up with until it’s put upon the ones we love the most.
I hope with some contemplation and calm you find a way to improve your situation, either through leaving or through getting help. Change often comes by changing ourselves not expecting others to change.Then we feel more empowered in knowing what is right and wrong for us. However, I was also thinking on the analogy of a frog in a slowly boiling pot: we put up with more and more because the situation builds slowly and we don’t recognise we’re being boiled! (Sorry felt the need for the poor reflection).
if you decide to leave you may have to change your lifestyle, smaller home etc. but there’s a lot to be said for peace and calm. Much love and compassion for you all xx

I feel really sorry for you OP because you have been conditioned to accept this behaviour and gaslighted to believe that it’s you and your daughter who are the issue.

A wake up call maybe to consider that this man’s behaviour will effect you but even worse your daughter forever.

leave for her sake. She deserves her mum back and you need to show her that she is precious.

My step dad was like this and ended up beating me up. Mum and him are still together and I’m sure she wonders why I don’t want to live down the road.

No, you are minimising. And more importantly, under UK legislation your daughter, a child is a victim of domestic abuse.

"The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 explicitly recognises children as victims of domestic abuse if they see, hear, or experience the effects of abusive behaviour perpetrated by a person connected to them, such as a parent or relative (3). This includes physical, sexual, psychological, emotional, controlling, coercive, or economic abuse, and applies even if the abusive behaviour is directed at another person, such as a parent."

Before you accuse me of being judgemental and claim I have no experience, I do have experience of this, so I will judge. I was 23 weeks pregnant, and living on a military base abroad when my ex squared up to me, screamed at me and slammed the door so hard he cracked the door frame. I was actually in my last year of sixth form, still living at home and only had the money I had saved up from my babysitting jobs over the previous year, and a small amount of cash from a Junior ISA. Within a matter of weeks I'd moved back to the UK, alone, because I wasn't willing to allow my child to grow up traumatised by an abusive man.

No, I didn't own a house, but I did have to start from scratch in my home town, 600 miles away from my mum.

Go and see a solicitor to get some advice on your rights and how to navigate splitting up.

This most definitely is your very first step this week if you can. They will advise and support you with absolutely everything, they do an amazing service.

This 🙏

It doesn’t sound like your daughter overreacted at all. I’m not surprised she spoke to him that way given his behaviour. He is controlling and you and your daughter deserve better.

My exH was so critical and mean to my eldest DD. (Not his bio children). Especially if he had been drinking. Like you, he expected me to side with him and ignore his rude, unkind and frankly abusive behaviour. It’s been sixteen months since we separated and my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. My daughter is now thriving, her nervous system isn’t shot to bits anymore and we’re all healing.

This is actually a disgusting thing to say to someone looking for help. I don't often say this but shut your horrible mouth.

Throw him out. If you own the house together he can't say it's his. Put a stop to this now. Either have him arrested and tell them he's to find somewhere else to live because of his abuse abd because you and your children are his victims.
After he's been arrested (because that's the only thing he'll take seriously) decide whether you want to be with him or not. If not, pack all his things and tell him you'll see him in court. If you do, tell him he will never raise his voice, criticise or otherwise be an abusive bastard again or he'll be arrested and booted out all over again. The reason he does it is because he can. Ill bet he doesn't go shouting and bawling at the people he works with.
However from what you've said it looks like he's controlling so he won't change. I believe marriage is for life so id get the house and stuff sorted out and a legal divorce might have to be the way for that to happen. But this is my advice as I would do not as I'm telling you to do but id just live away from him because he decided he didn't want to treat his wife as he vowed to.

She was telling the truth though,he IS a prick! Get rid.

I believe you can see a solicitor for half an hour free of charge. I suggest you phone round for a solicitor and make an appointment. Then find all the monetary papers dealing with your partnership, house, car, pensions etc. and let the solicitor free you from this gaslighting.

This is not due to a break up though its more than that. And yes my daughter went through simlar and the situation went to plo. Where if she went back to him legal proceedings would happen. Op doesn't seem to have social worker so maybe its not applicable. And because it hapoend wity my DD does not nean it would happen with op.

To be honest I regret posting it as It may scare op. Wuch I didn't want to do. I was just trying to say they would want her daughter safe no matter what and that she could fight for the house from a safe place.

You WILL be being unreasonable- to yourself AND your daughter - if you elect to stay with this bullying, aggressive monster. Sounds like you’ve been worn down into acceptance of his controlling behaviour. You’ve just had what should be the Final Straw. Get legal advice and prepare to move on to a more stable and pleasant future. Yes - there will be trauma and turmoil, but it’ll be worth it. Go !

It's quite something how quickly you try and minimise this.

social services absolutely would not, are you kidding? Name calling and shouting is
unbelievably common in relationship breakdown and if you think social services will tell her to leave (but presumably, not provide any money for her to do so) because the man called a 17 year old a prick, you are very naive.

My mum was with a vile vile man like this. He was awful to me and her, but she put up with it. He made her buy 2 of everything, or just enough so there were proper meals for them. So I was left to eat beans on toast or tomato soup. Then he started opening the tins of beans and putting them in Tupperware tubs and mixing in curry powder and told her to buy chicken and mushroom soup, knowing I hated it. I lived off toast because of him or ate at friends houses whenever I could.
He was violent to both me and my mum and she still supported him. When she said she was marrying him I was heartbroken and couldn’t understand why. I refused to go and found out lots of awful stuff about him. When I tried to tell my mum, she slapped me across the face and called me a liar.
I left home as soon as I could, and didn’t speak to her for years over it and it took me many more to forgive. It’s not something you ever forget living with someone like that 🫩

I’d of given him a knuckle sandwich

The question you have to ask is, do I want to grow old with this man? Your daughter will soon leave (they clearly don’t get on), and that will mean it’s just you and him. I saw an elderly couple in Tesco last month. The whole way round the store he was moaning at her and occasionally raising his voice. I later saw them in the car park, where he was examining the receipt and yelling. (God some men are SO f- ing awful. Ugghhh, I can still see his sour, mean little face, and her sad, broken face.)

Another thing to consider is your future relationship with your daughter. Will she want to come and visit if he is there? When men like that retire, they become insular and hostile. They also cling to their wives. She isn’t going to want to see him, and he’s not going to want to see her. After all, they aren’t biologically related, so there’s nothing to tie them. He won’t want you to see her either.

Quite frankly, it sounds like he is a prick, so I'm kinda on your daughter's team... not sure what recommends him at this juncture. He sounds insufferable.

You absolutely should leave him. Be a good role model for your daughter... What would you advise her if she was in your situation?