Should this be the end?

Get rid of him any way you can .All women deserve better than this

Wazzock - it's been a long time since I heard that word, lol, brings back memories..
Agree with everything you've said 👌

Yes you must leave him.
It will not get better.
He will not change.
You can't throw your life away like this, living with such a man.

Dont get bogged down in he said she said. Your husband is an arsehole that you dont need. LTB.

I suffered through a bad relationship for over a decade. Sunk cost fallacy had me in its grip. But as hard as it is to get out, the price is nothing compared to being free for the rest of your life, IMHO.

I just hope that you can also see that there is so much kindness here, despite the judgemental bat shit. I've posted before on this thread. Know that there are people here who have your back. However, If you are not in a position to feel that now, that is fine, and nobody who has given you support is going to judge you, or judge your decisions in going forward.

You are going through a terribly difficult time.

I wish you strength and hugs xxx

Stop telling people not to judge you. You asked for advice, it's given and obviously you dont like what you read. Bottom line is, put your daughter first, because as soon as she is old enough, she will be gone & you will be stuck with him.

(And I did make the break and it was awful and very hard, but am still glad I did it. Thinking about my dc helped give me the strength to do it)

I‘m sorry if it upset you, that wasn’t the intention, I do understand it’s complex, but sometimes hearing it straight from strangers can be a wake up call and help see the wood for the trees. Putting her first might not mean leaving straight away or doing anything drastic and sudden. But that should lead your decision making if you’re unsure if you can make the break.

Wow. That's nasty and uncalled for. Op is dealing with an evolving situation it's never as simple as saying just leave. If it was more people would do it.

Put your daughter first ffs.

Your daughter has already seen too much.

and btw. I did leave a marriage that was damaging to me because ultimately I knew what might come.

He’s using your DD words as an excuse to justify his outburst, but his outburst is not justified. He sound horrible, like my ex, and if you stay your DD will not forgive you easily.

Op I’d be careful of listening to judgemental posts from people with no experience of abuse.

this is actually a very common reaction to abuse. I’m very easy going and I found myself reacting jn the same way to my ex’s psychological and emotional abuse.

its actually used by abusers as part of DARVO ( reverse victim and offender). He wants you to feel like you are just as bad. And he is the victim of your instability. He provoked you and you reacted. It’s all part of the framing of you as crazy.

the fact he’s calmly watching a film shows he isn’t upset about this- he got the reaction he was after. The fact that you are so upset by your own actions shows you don’t normally behave like this.

just use this information to help regulate yourself. Don’t rise to his provocations in the future. Don’t let him know you feel guilty or upset about this as he’ll use it against you.

You've done the hard bit in making the decision to leave him. I was going to say stay strong, but actually you don't have to be strong all the time, just insofar as this separation is concerned. Be super nice to yourself and your daughter, and take every bit of help and support that you can find.

I think I mentioned legal aid some time back in this thread. It may be worth your while looking into this, especially given his abuse.

Take care.

Hope you update OP just to let us know how you are doing.

This was a lovely post for the OP to read. I do hope you leave him and cut ties with him.

This. Why has it taken so long for you to see his behaviour is unacceptable?

Your poor daughter. At least do what’s right for her now, better late than never.

Good luck with everything OP. This is now a long journey, as you see fit, to secure your future. Hold on to everything that is important tightly and with dignity, the rest will follow. Pay attention to his actions as you go, minimise interaction as much as possible, pause and process. Nothing needs to be done in haste unless there's real threat of harm x

Good luck, OP. I totally understand your situation and how daunting it must be but you are absolutely doing all the right things. He doesn’t sound like a man who is committed to an equal, loving partnership and you can’t change that (even though you may have tried or hoped for another outcome). You sound like you’d be better off on your own and will be just fine.

I wish you all the happiness for your future life without the fear, belittling and abuse.

Get into some kind of therapy
Maybe private???

I received a great deal of sound advice here when I started out on the same journey as OP 11 months ago. When I see how much I've evolved from the spiralling and self doubt of those times I wish I could impart every bit of my progress to this lady. Stepping away first from the over explaining was my turning point. Not re-examining the past but committing to laying a change of course. That was way scarier than the conflict. Admitting our relationship was toxic (he was a serial cheater and I never set boundaries) and had realistically been untenable for a long time. My clarity came from myself once I learned to grey rock my stbx's behaviour and I paid attention instead of absorbing the anger and frustration and quite frankly, petulance he showed that I no longer was seen to be trying. New tactics arrived, name calling, then fawning on repeat. It's all patterns and opening up to really seeing what's in front of you is the kindest way to process your new reality. We are managing to co-habit and it's up to the individual to decide if this is feasible once a split is underway. What I'm saying to poster is, you do have it in you so dig deep. The start is a bit like an out of body experience as you navigate emotions alongside practicalities, but this settles I promise. Choose yourself and your daughter every single day. In the mix of the early chaos please still do some fun things together. Yes it can feel weird when you're grieving the end of your partnership but forming new habits can start straight away. Self-care, awareness, creating new enforceable boundaries, routines that suit you, not the old ways even if it's disruptive to him. I had a very personal tipping point where I definitively knew I was living with a stranger and did the bravest thing I've done in my life, taking advice from solicitors. Once I understood my financial position it was easier to see my life's work as a business transaction. His threats or pleadings were muted because they held no true weight. Breaking down the facts can help you see what's truly possible. Empower yourself like you never thought you could, gather information and draw on the people you trust to hold your hand on the worst days. Not being sucked back into old ways rears up constantly, particularly when stbx appears to me as his old self on a good day. You have to forgive both him and yourself, but not forget. You can still move forward kindly, with respect but also with purpose so every day can be a new win. I'm leaving behind a 30 year marriage. At first I saw it as a disastrous ending, nearly a year on it's a new beginning once you see it with fresh eyes away from the complexities of disentangling from old habits and fears of 'starting again'. Commit to finding your peace, we all deserve it.

Given this is a long term problem, I think you know in your heart the marriage is over, and more than likely neither if you will live in the family home long term due to finances

You should get your ducks in a row and start preparing to complete the split in the summer months (so as to not impact any exams daughter has).

Obviously is there is a physical threat then act now rather than delay.