AIBU to feel hurt by in-laws' gifts and comments?

@Herewegoagainandagainandagain i imagine op was upset as it was the day after she’d given birth!

I have never bought for and have never received birthday presents from my in-laws. Some people just choose not to and that is ok, you cannot decide others should just because you want a present. Leave the present buying for their birthdays to your dh to organise.

The baby comment is a very common thing people say when others have several of the same sex in a row - everyone knows this. Was your OTT upset because you were slightly hopeful for a boy this time and needed an outlet for that?

You appear a bit needy and/or looking for something to be offended about.

It is hurtful and thoughtless. I always by my children’s partners a gift for their birthday as they are part of our family now and it’s important to me that they feel included. Gift buying doesn’t have to elaborate, it’s what it’s saying is important. I can imagine it’s hurtful and makes you feel like you’re not important to them. If they didn’t buy for anyone that would be different but they do and so it’s hurtful.

This. My mil is no longer with us and I wouldn't say we were close but she was scrupulous with making sure everyone was treated the same. Christmas and birthdays. She had 4 children and all were married but we all got gifts of the same value. She didn't have much but what she had she was thoughtful with. Maybe it's old fashioned these days as we've been married 44 years and things have changed.

Flowers, even supermarket ones, are a nice gift. The magazine was a bit naff though, particularly as they wrapped it up as a gift. I get naff gifts from my in-laws but everyone in our family does so I don't feel singled out.

The baby comment was insensitive but I couldn't get worked up about it. It's something I've heard a lot of people saying when someone has multiple children of the same sex.

I don't get presents from MIL anymore but your IL don't sound nice. Packaging up a magazine sounds both bonkers and passive aggressive, ans the comment was really inappropriate.

That said if you're getting flowers from them surely that's a nice gift? I certainly wouldn't expect to give my milk or receive from her anything more?

Nobody is entitled to a present, but imo it’s pretty normal to buy a birthday gift for your dil or sil.
only on mumsnet is life so joyless.

2 none issues
nobody is entitled to to a present

the baby comment is common I doubt that’s the only time you’ve been asked that

I do think the lack of birthday gifts/token magazine is rather thoughtless. I have always bought gifts for my dc’s girl/boy friends for birthdays - not necessarily very expensive but something that indicates I know their likes and dislikes.
The baby comment is incredibly crass.

I would just not bother with them. Leave it all up to your dh to sort presents visit etc

and as to the comment about a boy I would simply point out that the fact you have girls is down to your husband and no you are not trying again

I can’t believe anyone is condoning the baby comment - I’m not surprised the OP was upset.

The present thing would bother me less. What are they like in other ways?

I understand OP ,it’s just good to feel valued and cared about.
My Mum always got my husband a nice bottle of wine and MIL always gave me a gift.
I always get my children’s partner a thoughtful gift. It’s just a nice thing to do .

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. It is thoughtless particularly as you make an effort. Having been together for so long, I would have thought they saw you as an extension to their immediate family which is why I would say they are being unreasonable and you’re not. I would likely be more annoyed and frustrated about your husband not recognising it. Even being able to moan about it together would make it tolerable as you could put it down to them being difficult people.

I dont think this is worth arguing with your DH over. Its not his fault. Also this is just two incidences where they have been a bit thoughtless. They aren't your parents so if they are generally ok I'd look past the presents as a bit of an eccentricity. They might just not be present people.

You have been together since 2019, for the first few years when you were dating you didn’t get anything, in 2024 you got a magazine, in 2025 you got flowers, and in 2026 you go flowers, is that right ?

Did they start giving you gifts after you got married ? I know I didn’t buy for GF or BF of relations, but get things once they are married.

As far as the sex of the baby, had you expressed you wanted a boy, or had your husband? Have you had 3 children since 2019 … I think I would feel sensitive with 3 little ones.

I agree with this. Sorry OP feels hurt, but in future perhaps just let your husband give and receive gifts with his family.

I like this idea. Give them a TV Times. 😁

Don't let it annoy you. Its a reflection on them. Of course people might say you are not entitled to a present but, come on, this is very unkind.

Treat it as a pass to go low effort or, even better, no effort with them.

I think they are horrid. I buy my sil nice gifts. Not to the same value as my DD but still nice gifts. For Xmas I often give them a joint gift or money to buy a weekend break away.

My inlaws didn't buy me birthday gifts and I can't say it bothered me. I had a reasonably good relationship with them but not close. My parents always bought for my husband, because they love him and we are a close family.

I think you should let your husband sort their gifts from himself from now on and just don't expect anything from Inlaws. It's certainly not worth getting upset about. As for your MILs comment, I wouldn't have been upset about that either - I have 5 boys and have often had comments such as 'do you keep trying for a girl?' (No) or 'what a shame you didn't have a girl this time' (I'm very happy with my 5 boys!) I think the comments aren't meant maliciously, it's just a lighthearted thing people say.

I would have liked it too!

The comment about trying for another baby was insensitive. But I'm not getting For my birthdays in 2025 and 2026, I received flowers with not having gifts. Flowers are a gift, no? I've had flowers from my inlaws on birthdays and have been really grateful and happy with them.

Another part in our argument was when I mentioned what his mum had said to me after I recently had my 3rd child. I was 1 day postpartum and she said, "You'll have to go again for a boy". I have 3 girls who I love and I was like wtf, who says that to someone. When she left, i cried and cried

I find this quite extreme and much depends on how it was said. But I would also have assumed hormones as I can’t Imagine sobbing and sobbing over it. And I’m not particularly insensitve.

do you maybe care a lot about your in-laws opinion of you and that’s what caused it? I’m struggling to comprehend the very high level of importance you pay to them,

I can’t recall every getting a gift from my in-laws, it didn’t even cross my mind they should, are you maybe short of money or unable to spend on yourself, and so getting gifts are important to you, so so important it causes arguments if you don’t get them?

On saying that, I’ve just started buying for my daughter’s partner as they are moving in together, but I know lots don’t. Amd as said. Mine didn’t for me, and I had to think about it, as it never crossed my mind they should.

Am I the only one that would have actually liked that present.

It wouldn't bother me if in-laws were not gift givers, but I wouldn't give them anything, so just stop doing that. Their present can be from just your husband from now on.

The comment about going again for a boy ... Depends how they said it. Loads and loads of people said this to me after DC2, but always just as something to say, or as a (rubbish) joke. It's not great, but just shrug and move on. BUT if they are raging misogynists who think girls are inferior, and that's why they want a grandson, that's wholly unacceptable.