AIBU to feel hurt by in-laws' gifts and comments?

Comments like those are so hurtful and your DH is dim if he cannot see it.

They sound cold and self centred and not buying you a simple birthday gift is crap.
We had similar with PILs not bothering with our lovely youngest (never gave a reason, they just took little to no interest in any of them until they passed exams etc.. and became something to boast about.. before that, they assumed they were not as intelligent as the favourite GCs

I would leave all the gift/card/xmas buying and organising/facilitating family meet ups entirely up to DH again after the homes and Gardens episode.. Were they trying to make a point about your house?

Joy comes in many forms not just birthdays

They sound awful, OP.
In future I would not buy them anything, and I’d also steer clear of them as much as possible. The rude magazine gift was such an insult. But the comment about your daughters is absolutely vile. I’d be low contact with them for sure.
Tbh your husband sounds really bad as well.

My in-laws don’t get me birthday gifts. Actually none of our parents get us birthday gifts, we all focus on the kids. I’d let that go. Your husband can sort out whatever he wants to do for them and just stay out of it.

That’s a terrible thing to say about a baby, you are right there.

How selfish…. I’m a MiL and buy DiL presents… in fact Christmas I spent more on her than my Son… he did get extra for his birthday though and I did explain why he got more…

Stop engaging with it - don’t buy gifts, don’t expect gifts, don’t facilitate contact, drop the rope. Be busy, be unavailable and free from it.

I voted YABU as I really couldn’t give a toss what my in laws do. So they don’t get you a present, big deal. Just let DH buy presents for them and don’t give it a second thought. And I hope you’re not arguing about his parents. You and DH should be a team, just ignore the outside noise.

I think the only reason to complain is if your husband has a sibling and their partner gets and you don't. It's definitely not your husband's fault, and if you make him say something, it will be awkward, and you may get a present, but it won't come with love, and you'll resent it anyway. No win situation, get over it.

If you're going to buy presents/cards for your adult son then you don't ignore his wife. A married couple are a unit and should be recognised as such. Leaving one of them out is sending a deliberate message. It isn't a normal thing to do and unless the arrangement is somehow mutually understood, then it's obviously driven by spite or disapproval.

They are very rude people. I would make zero effort with them in your shoes, it will be interesting to see if your husband will remember to buy their birthday presents, Christmas presents etc. With their rude comments going forward then l will challenge, who says that to a woman the day after having a baby?! As is often the case though you have a husband problem

They don't sound very pleasant but I'd try not to let it bother me. Don't buy them any more Christmas or birthday gifts. That's up to your husband. Don't facilitate anything or do any "wife work" for them (don't remind dh about birthdays or invite to any school events, don't tell the kids to make arts/crafts for them or video chat, don't forward kids photos to them - its all on your husband now to make all the effort with them).

Make plans for yourself for when dh and kids visit or when they visit your house and enjoy some time to yourself. Grey rock them if they ask about it.

Just care less

The gender comment was stupid, but it W sounds like they’re just not gift giving people outside of immediate family. I don’t buy for my in laws and they don’t buy for us. My family do though.

You just have to remember that some people are just nasty with no awareness beyond themselves.

Yes, you only buy them a magazine from now on, either that or divorce.

My dad has never bought birthday presents for my husband or my BIL/SIL. Christmas yes when we are all together but not birthdays. Tbh he only buys me or my children presents if I send him a link for exactly what to buy, presents just aren’t his thing I don’t think! He’s also impossible to buy for. I’m not sure he’d remember exactly when my husbands birthday is…

my PIL on the other are generous to the ends of the earth and give me the same (very generous) amount of money for my birthday as they do my husband and kids. So there is a discrepancy but my husband has never mentioned it.

Re the baby comment I agree it’s unacceptable but people are weird about this. I have one of each and the number of ‘well done!’ and ‘how lovely to have one of each!’ comments I got was unreal, as if it was in my control and as if 2 girls would have been less somehow. My sister has 2 boys and wants a third and whenever she says this people assume it’s because she wants a girl. It’s not, she’s always wanted 3
kids as long as I can remember!

I wouldn't mind the supermarket flowers, but a magazine they'd probably read?! Sounds like an afterthought.

Hmmm...it sounds like she doesn't like you very much. Is she a misogynist who just wants you to push out a male offspring? And until you do you're getting the short shrift?

Gawd knows. I mean I wouldn't care about the gifts really if they gave gifts to my kids. Or they just never gave gifts to anyone for whatever reason.

But the way you MIL treats you seems pretty off. I suggest you go LC and just politely keep your distance as they don't seem to be doing you any favours. I also don't see why your husband isn't trying to defend you to an extent at least.

I was with my husband for over 10 years before I received a birthday card from my MIL out of the blue, sometimes I get a card and other times I don’t. I don’t really care about it. She’s got so many grandchildren and children to think about. I don’t get involved in buying gifts for her.

Calling it cruel kind of implies you are overreacting I’m afraid. Same with the comment about the third child

I wouldn't worry in the least about the birthday presents. Your parents chose to give your dh something - that's lovely. Your in laws chose not to and that is fine too. Most people probably don't bother. Just say thanks for whatever they give - flowers or a mag or whatever and don't think anymore about it. You don't need to be involved with their birthday presents - that's your dh's responsibility (bet he doesn't go out and pick something for your parents).

The comment one day post partum would bother me a lot tbh. I would expect my dh to say to his mum "look mum you were probably trying to be funny but that comment really upset Newhere and I don't like it either. Could you make sure you never say anything like that again. It sounds like you aren't thrilled with your new granddaughter and that can't be true"

The best thing you can do is not to be involved in buying them presents. If you husband wants to give them things then fine, he sources, pays for, and wraps them. you also don’t buy them presents from your children.

If your children want to make them a card with their craft materials then that’s ok, they will enjoy doing it, but if your husband wants the children to do it he can supervise and clear up afterwards!

So the magazine was in a gift bag stuffed with tissue paper?

I actually think that this is cruel tbh.

The comment about a boy was bloody horrible.

It's a shame you didn't think to ask her why?

What a shame your husband couldn't just have said "oh that was thoughtless/not very nice".

Just a bit of sympathy not a full on confrontation!

I can read, I still think it was an OTT reaction to something so mundane and common.

Their wealth is irrelevant.

the only relevant thing here is they got you a MAGAZINE. That’s just fucking weird and insulting.

I’ve been with DS since 1992. I don’t think I’ve ever had a birthday or Christmas present from my PILs, though my parents always give DH a present. I’m quite fond of the PILs, but recognise that I’m just background noise to them. It doesn’t bother me.

MIL is spectacularly tactless and made such an appalling comment t when we told them I was pregnant that for once in my life I was actually speechless, as was DH, and FIL actually spoke up.

But MIL is just like that. I don’t get bent out of shape about it. She’s not ever going to change.

I'm v fond of my in laws but never buy gifts for them, and they don't buy for me either. And we're all fine with that