AIBU to feel hurt by in-laws' gifts and comments?

I agree it seems mean. For someone who loves their home and garden and expressed an interest in looking at ideas for these, it might be a perfectly acceptable token gift. But the fact you’re not really interested makes it thoughtless at best and at worst even passive aggressive?

I think flowers are fine and honestly wouldn’t expect more than this myself. (I don’t get anything). How much your parents spend on your DH is irrelevant. You shouldn’t give to receive or keep score.

The comment about the baby is out of order, but I’d ignore it. They’re your DH’s parents. His relationships to maintain, not yours. I’d just try to take a step back from caring what they think or about having a relationship with them.

I’d just not get involved with gift giving to them hoping forwards. Husband can organise and source and deliver it. Not your parents, not your problem. If you have separate finances, not your financial problem either - it doesn’t come out of a shared pot.
Regarding the comment about going for a boy, crass indeed but I think this was due to it being an emotional time for you to react as strongly as you did. In general, I’d try to have very low expectations of them and if they do make crass comments again shut it down immediately or defend your position clearly and without emotion. Eg. ‘My daughters are the joy of my life and nothing could bring me more joy’

I really wouldn't worry about it. I don't get a birthday present from MIL (been married to DH for over 30 years), but she can be a bit random. She does usually give me a Christmas present, which almost without fail is a bottle of red wine - but I don't drink (and never have due to migraines). Tbf I don't do anything for PILs either - that is DH's job. Don't let it worry you - provided DH does their gifts/cards and you don't worry I don't see an issue.

I wouldn't like them in your place, either. A single magazine on a topic that you aren't even interested in isn't much of a gift. It's fine, if they didn't want to buy gifts for your birthday. At least you know what to expect then, but why bother starting giving you gifts if you're going to give something that thoughtless?

The comment about having to try for a boy is a stupid thing to say to a new parent, particularly if you're unlikely to be having more.

I'd probably be more annoyed with your husband for refusing to acknowledge that his parents aren't perfect and could have handled these things better. Definitely back away from any and all 'wife work' relating to his parents. He's responsible for all gifts for them from now on, if he wasn't already. I'd completely wash my hands of it and them. I'd remain cordial and polite but keep my distance emotionally and wouldn't go out of my way for them.

My fiancée has a small family, and from the start we swapped gifts, it was their relative's birthday a month after we met and I chipped in for their gift. We hadn't actually met at that point but I still made an effort. My family prefer to send cash for a gift, and make a suggestion, like, it's his birthday here's some money to take him for lunch.

My second ex was from wealthy family and they very obviously re gifted me things that weren't appropriate (for example a tiny hat 🤔). Did they do this because they were tight or because they didn't like me? I know ppl will jump on me saying money has nothing to do with it. In my experience, I've tended to find very monied ppl less generous. Just my experience. So the fact his family aren't short of a few quid won't mean you get lovely gifts.

Overall, yes I agree there's no set rule and sometimes ppl choose not to gift but ultimately I think given you're the mother of their grandkids they could make an effort. The comment about having a boy wasn't kind and I think your DH finds it easier to be a bit off with you about it, rather than challenge his parents. Maybe he never felt able to do so.

Yeah I’m not sure it’s saying that, that’s a bit extreme, possibly she thought the op wanted a boy. Maybe she did. Doesn’t mean anyone thinks the girl isn’t good enough,

Honestly, it's different values.
I adored my in-laws. I always got my mil a lovely Xmas and birthday gift. Looking back they probably thought i was mad. Their gifts were things like a box of black magic chocs.
They also were a bit tone deaf on stuff like kids. But I learned to put that in the "parents in law are bonkers " box and put the lid on firmly.

I loved my in-laws but it would never have occurred to me to buy them a birthday present (or they me). They were adults, for goodness sake, and could buy what they need. Oddly enough I do give my son-in-laws birthday tokens, but that's because they're not so well off and could do with the occasional treat.

Its over £6 an issue so not much difference to a paperback book which presumably would be up to 'your standards'

I think it depends on perspective. To the op this is rich , her listing of what they have makes me think they don’t have much and as such she relies on gifts to get stuff for herself, and sees her husband getting stuff and she’s not.

having arguments about it as she wants them is a lot though. But I think signifies how important it is to her. I don’t think it makes her grabby, more a big family with not much money for treats. I suspect she’s never had much as she goes right back to a year after he met him and how she didn’t get a gift. And then tells us how excited she got when she though she was getting one.

just stop all presents. All go out and buy what you need yourselves. It's easier

I think it’s weird they don’t get you presents but I also don’t think having a house worth £500k makes you “rich” in 2026

Yup, because a magazine isn’t a present. Not by my standards anyway.

Probably because he finds it easier to play the hormones card rather than consider she might have a point, and obviously he doesn't seem willing or able to challenge his parents.

The baby comment was just rude. It's no reflection on you, just very poor manners on her behalf.

The comment about trying for a boy: horrible. She was basically saying a girl wasn’t good enough, and what a fucking stupid thing to say to a woman who has just given birth.

Your H has no business dismissing that as your hormones being at fault.

Presents? Bonkers to parcel up a magazine like that- if anyone in my family did that it would be because there was a cheque or voucher tucked into a page that featured something you wanted. Sure there was nothing like that?

My in laws are very well off, and I don't get birthday presents from them either. I do get Christmas presents and cash though. I've never really given it much thought. Doesn't bother me!

It’s weird, isn’t it? Some families welcome spouse into their family and treat them as one of their own. My in laws are like this in every way, gifts, affection, interest in my life. And they treat me with extra love and respect as the one who bears their grandchildren and nieces and nephews.
Other families seem to treat spouse as some vague acquaintance, unfortunately you’ve married into one of these OP. So the present thing is disappointing but not a big deal. However, the comment about a boy is awful and you should give this more weight than the crap birthday gifts. Is your MIL ever makes a comment like that again, you should respond sharply, with something like, u love my three beautiful girls and you should to. I’m not a breeding dog, please don’t ever say that again.

Think it depends on the family, my DM and SD and my DD and SM always buy my DH a birthday and xmas gift, so do my granparents, just a voucher or an aftershave sometimes, big birthdays they get him something more expensive and significant, his family also get me gifts, siblings also.

Perhaps his family just aren’t like that?

The comment was horrible.

a Home & Garden magazine, both of which I'm not interested in

This is a funny line.

They are very mean. Since DH and I met and married over 40 years ago both mine and his parents treated us equally. We give our SIL exactly the same amount moneywise as we do our DD and the grandchildren for birthdays and Christmas. We probably give the grandchildren more over the year as we buy them shoes and clothes as this helps DD and SIL financially. We enjoy doing this and DD and SIL have never asked for anything from us. I’d steer clear of them for a bit.

Yanbu to be upset about their attitude towards you, Yabu to go on about their financial situation as if it has any relevance.

Why are you having a go at your husband for it? It’s not his fault, so for that, YABVU.

Return their energy and adjust your expectations. Either stop buying them gifts completely or get cheap tat from a charity shop or junk store.

Why are you expecting anything from them at all? Their finances are not relevant.

Perhaps stop gifting them anything as you only seem to be gifting with the hope of receiving and they havnt done that as you liked. Leave it to your DH deal with their gifts.

Ignore their comments too. Why give them the satisfaction of getting upset over it.