AIBU to feel hurt by in-laws' gifts and comments?

Is this sarcasm? The OP doesn't say the husband and IL's are sulking over a lack of/not good enough gifts so I'm not seeing them as the entitled or spoilt ones.

I don't get presents from my in-laws. I've never really thought much about it. The comment about trying for a boy is a weird thing for them to say but I really can't see why you would be upset about it if you're happy with your girls. I could see someone being upset if they wanted a boy so the comment was thoughtless but not something for you to be in tears about. You've hung on to the issue with the magazines for a long time. I think YABU to get into arguments with your DH about these things, you need to let it go.

My in-laws never bought me a present, but I’ve never expected one. To be fair I don’t think they gave my husband one unless his birthday had a 0 on the end. We’re just not into it.

The magazine was odd but the flowers (imho ) were a gift, so I think you’re complaining for no reason.

yes the baby comment was thoughtless but I think you’re overthinking it tbh.

this thread shows how families are different though. Some (like me!) wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest while others are highly offended by the lack of a gift!

Wow I am surprised by this. But then my family is very close and we don't really see ourselves as extended family.

Your MIL is a bitch! The magazine was a dig at you, insulting your home, and the boy comment was insanely nasty. Don't let her upset you, treat her as the irrelevant waste of space that she is. Polite, distant and neutral all the way from now on.

They sound ghastly. Accept it, just be disinterested in them, and tell your husband, icy calm, without argument or drama, he is totally in charge of remembering their birthdays and Christmas, and choosing, buying, writing, wrapping, labelling and delivering their cards and presents, as you refuse to have anything to do with it. Then stick to it.

💯 behind you sister. Your husband and his family sound like entitled spoilt brats. How have you survived so long?

"Another part in our argument was when I mentioned what his mum had said to me after I recently had my 3rd child. I was 1 day postpartum and she said, "You'll have to go again for a boy". I have 3 girls who I love and I was like wtf, who says that to someone. When she left, i cried and cried. Again, my husband said it was my hormones and me over-reacting & his mum wasn't being malicious"
It's possible she wasn't being malicious, but she was still rude and insensitive and has some internalised misogyny going on (so Doris, I should 'go again' because boys are worth more than girls, eh?). And your husband sounds as if he thinks the sun shines out her backside - I cannot respect Mummy's Boys.

To go a bit biblical - 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. Well in that case, I would take their treatment of your birthdays as your template for what they wish you to do for their birthdays. <whistles innocently>

So, stop buying them presents. From now on your husband buys his parents' presents, and the money comes from his account not the joint account. Fuck them all, sideways.

(And in case anyone thinks I'm being anti in-laws here - my MIL has always treated my birthday as of equal consequence to her as her son's birthday. And I spend as much care and thought on her birthday as I did for my own mother.)

I’m a MIL and buy gifts/cards for my SIL/DIL. I also receive gifts/cards from my PIL.

Twat behaviour by your in-laws, leave the gift giving up to your Husband from now on. He sounds a bit insensitive and not very supportive.

They sound miserable and tight-fisted to me. They are clearly very well off and don’t even think to get you a small gift as the wife of their son and mother of their grandchildren. I would be irritated too. Your DH definitely gets the pleasure of buying his gifts for them from now on, I wouldn’t have any part in that. Do they buy for your kids? If I was you, I would just go out and treat yourself to something lovely for your birthday instead - not pretending in any way to replace what they didn’t get you but just as a treat for yourself from yourself. Sorry they’re sh*t in-laws.

I can't get over the comment regarding trying again for a boy. I had similar comments from my MIL when I was pregnant about how it had to be a particular gender because she had plenty of the other. Bearing in mind, I'd miscarried and struggled to get pregnant prior to this. I always knew she was a heartless cow, but this just confirmed it.

“You’ll have to go again for a boy” is a generationally not unusual comment.

You do not have to go again, but you know that. She’s not really instructing you to get pregnant against your own wishes! You can be happy with your 3 girls. As you and your husband (presumably) are not feeling pressured to follow her advice, then ignore this, don’t think about it, it’s of no significance.

As for the gifts, I have never expected anything from my in-laws. My parents love my DH but have never got him a birthday gift.

I think the magazine is weird but the flowers are ok. It's a token gift but still shows they thinking of you. It may be how their family do gifts. I think it's odd you are fixated on the magazine when it was 2024 and for 2025 and 2026 they have bought you flowers instead. It's also not your DH's fault so not sure why you were mad at him! The comment about trying for a boy was very poor but some people say things without thinking them through based on their own feelings. My ex's mum at his baby's christening said to me 'I thought you would have had a baby by now Scarlett' when DH and I were struggling to conceive. I cried then (not in her presence) but I didn't think she was being malicious; she was just thoughtless and your in-laws sound similar.

Never ever buy them a present or card on behalf of your DH again. Never REMIND him of their upcoming birthdays either, which most women do, and which the PIL probably assume their dear son does without any prodding whatsoever. It’s time they found out the truth!

I don’t understand why you’re arguing with your husband about his parents buying or rather not buying you a gift.

its not something he can control or his fault. It would be hugely awkward for him to ask / tell them to buy you one.
your families just do things differently. Yours do gifts for in-laws, his don’t.

accept it and move on. Don’t get involved in buying other gifts either. He can just write your name on the tag.

I agree with @Whaleandsnail6. However, you are missing the chance to have a little fun with them: They give you an H&G magazine wrapped up like a gift? Squeal excitedly and say OMG you’re buying us a HOUSE?

As for the baby comment, sounds like your MIL isn’t very socially skilled. But I voted you NOT unreasonable because it was the day after giving birth. If it were me I’d probably have said “I just gave birth, I’m done for awhile. Besides, your son has had three tries already. Looks like he only makes girls.”

Stop having huge fights with your husband over this. If you have a good relationship with your in-laws overall, stop looking for slights. How involved do you want your in-laws in your daily life? Keep your eyes on the prize.

If you are happy with your family why would you cry and cry because someone made a comment about trying again for a different gender?

God I’d hate that. They aren’t my parents and I’d be horrified if they behaved if I was. A close friendly caring relationship yes. But like I’m their child. No thays far from ok for me. Poor you.

You are not being unreasonable. I must be lucky, my inlaws are lovely and treat me like an actual daughter.

They are completely different in the effort stakes, and you can’t put a price on that.
Choosing a good book for someone is an act of thoughtfulness.

I love my DIL and others son’s partner almost as much as I love my sons. I have always bought them birthday and Christmas presents and as their relationships with my sons have aged I now spend as much or nearly as much on them as I do on my own children.
you are not unreasonable your PIL are unkind and thoughtless.

however you won’t change them. You can only change your reaction to them. Turn it into a joke laugh about it. Don’t let their bad behaviour become your problem.

Stop buying them gifts or cards. If your husband wants to, that’s up to him—let him handle it. They’re not kind people, and they’ve made it quite clear how they feel about you.

You don’t owe them anything.

Oh and without a doubt stop buying them any gifts I don't know why women do this !

What do your DP get for your husband ?

Maybe they need to stop
So he knows what it feels like when only one person gets a gift.

Some people are not good with gifts
..that's fine! But people who are who choose not too ? That's mean.
I agree the magazine is ridiculous.

Married 20 years. I’ve never had a birthday present from my MIL. My parents have never bought my husband a gift. It never occurred to me to be upset about it.