AIBU to feel hurt by in-laws' gifts and comments?

Just don't buy them gifts, just match the energy - if you happen to see them give a little token.

Some do and some don't. In my family we don't give to adults but my MIL always gives me something, I've never thought about it before.

Maybe DH feels miffed my Dad doesn't give him anything, but I dont think so. (DDad does give me £20 for my bday but not for Christmas). My family are all miles away but MIL is just down the road and we have always spent a lot of time with her and helped each other with stuff over the years. She also gives us an Easter card every year but I told her decades ago, thanks but I don't do them back....😀.

Seriously I'd have a chat with them and agree what to do going forwards. There's no right or wrong but you should be on the same page.

Totally disagree, that’s not my experience at all. I get presents from my in laws as do my friends and other family members.

I’ve never had so much as a birthday card from my in laws in 26 years. My mum buys my DH a card and present (but I choose it)

doesn't bother me, I don’t have to be nice to them 🤣

It’s ok to not like your in-laws. Just give them the distance they are giving you. Be polite, courteous, welcoming when you’re around them - but otherwise disengage.

From now on, DH sorts the presents for his parents. If he forgets, they’re late or poor choices, that is on him.

Who actually buys the gifts for them? Are you involved at all @NewHere1701 if so, drop this immediately

YANBA.

My DD gets more fuss from her first BF parents at 17 years old than you do from your actual in-laws, the grandparents of your kids.

She’s been seeing him 4 months.

Well silly you for having 3 kids with someone who doesn’t even respect you. Why are you rubbing buying gifts for them? Treat people how they treat you, not better but exactly how they treat you.

You know what to do, tell your parents to buy your DH a random bike or car magazine for his birthday every year. Also, gift your in-laws random magazines for their birthday. Fuck them, I would t be making an effort and I would probably replace your DH also as he doesn’t seem to have your back at all.

The try again for a boy comment was hurtful and unnecessary.
the magazine ?? was it a magazine subscription ?
to me that’s a reasonable gift ( if it’s for a magazine you’re interested in )

I don't get anything for any occasion from my MIL. My parents, however, buy for my DH for every occasion - he even gets an Easter egg!
I came to the realisation about 8 years ago that she simply doesn't like me, never had. So I stopped buying for her and told my DH she was his mum so his responsibility.
It's always been a passive aggressive move I believe from my MIL. She also goes as far to not even put my name on a Christmas card! It's like I don't exist. Kids have noticed this too and have decided for themselves that she's not a very nice person.
Anyway, my DH doesn't get her anything now, Mothers day, birthdays - he forgot it was her birthday last month! But, that's on him. Not my responsibility anymore. I feel free now from her passive aggressive behaviour (there's a lot more backstory to this).
I would just remove yourself from getting your in-laws anything from now on. Tell your husband it is his parents, his responsibility.

Presents aside, that comment about trying for a boy was way out of line. It implies you somehow failed with your third child. Tell them if their hearts are set on another male in the family, they can get a dog. Also, your husband seems to be insensitive and not showing any support for you. Maybe he doesn’t need to confront his parents, but he should should acknowledge your feelings and try to have some empathy.

Never had in-law birthday gifts, tiny tokens for Christmas and some real cheap shockers from the sister-in-law, so we said no more gifts for adults (which saved the charity shop runs, as they were truly awful and even my DH was shocked at how bad they were!!) and just focused on the children, and ignored the rest and as for comments, well once tried quickly bounced back, so that stopped.

I think it's bad manners not to buy you a gift that's similar to whatever they buy for their son. But some people don't have good manners and it's not necessarily personal.

The comment about trying again for a boy was outrageous and your feelings are absolutely valid. At the same time I have no idea if it was meant maliciously.

I don't like the sound of them either but they may just be thoughtless. Your feelings are completely understandable and your DH is clearly not going to see things your way so I would not discuss this with him unless the situation gets worse. You'll only end up further distressed.

For two consecutive Christmas’ my MIL gave me a facecloth and used bar of coal tar soap.
Dh told her just what he thought, no, she didn’t have dementia she was just a thoroughly unpleasant person.

The comment about babies sex is stupid in any circumstances, let alone when you are newly postpartum!

To me it reads as if they wanted to get rid of some old magazines. How big was the parcel?
The lack of gifts I wouldnt be bothered about, I dont like gifts. But what you describe sounds weird to me.

I'm so sorry they have been treating you like this, I'd be hurt too.

From now on, I wouldn't contribute or facilitate anything for them (birthdays, Christmas etc) let them see how much they enjoy your husband's gifts for them. I'd also tell him that the gifts for his family going forward need to come from his leisure money as if they won't treat you like family, then you won't be contributing for gifts for them.

I'd just match their energy. If they raise the comment about the boy again, I'd say that you don't want a boy as you find the one they produced lacking. (I'd say it with a jokey smile but this would be war for me... I'd 100% sink to their level and be petty, it would fuel me.😆)

My parents have always bought my dh birthday & Christmas gifts. My Mil has only ever once bought me a gift, for a milestone birthday. I don't care tbh, being a grown up and all.

My parents have never bought a gift for DH. It just wouldn’t occur to them. They have been vocal about how much they like him. It’s not personal, they just don’t buy gifts for many people

I.dont get presents from my in laws. Yes I think you are over reacting but the core of it might come from somewhere else. Are they generally decent to you? For context, my MIL said to me eight weeks after I had my first son that if I died he wouldn't miss me and also bought me a scale with a body fat monitor on it for Christmas six months after having our second child because I hadn't list the weight yet. So there are worse in law out there babe!

👏 👏 👏

You're totally NOT being unreasonable! They (I say they, but likely it's the mil who is making all the decisions) know what they're doing. They could ask what you'd like, or ask your husband for ideas. Put a little effort into it. I'd quit buying any gifts for the in laws. Let their son do it. My ex mil (she did everything she could to make our marriage miserableand in the end succeeded bc we divorced after almost 30 years) used to deliberately give me crap. After the cmas gift of pink fluffy walmart sockswith the sale sticker of 1.99 still stuck on them--I gave up. I'd been giving her nice gifts in an attempt to win her over, but I've learned that trying to convince someone to like you will never work. I was young and ignorant then.

I hate the argument well no one is entitled to gifts well duh of course not but it’s mot about being entitled it’s about decency and in close families there are just some social behaviors that are seen as occurring. No one is entitled to anything but of course you want to feel valued and seen and connected to the family and if they give gifts to other family members on their birthdays and none to you simply bc you aren’t blood related then that is going to make you feel like you aren’t truly accepted as one of them. Like you will forever be an outsider looking in