AIBU to feel hurt by in-laws' gifts and comments?

I had the same. I was never good enough for my in-laws and they always let me know with snide comments and stupid gifts like pink socks with the $1.99 SALE tag still attached. WTH? I had made serious efforts with my MIL--taking her to fancy teas on Mother's Day, buying her nice jewelry etc, and I just gave up. Washed my hands of them completely. My husband 100% supported his parents; they could do no wrong. He actually turned into an 8 year old boy whenever they visited. The lack of support greatly contributed to the end of our marriage after almost 30 years.

I wouldn’t want one from them at this stage. Don’t buy the gifts anymore. DH can look after them. I bought for SIL not Dbro as she was the one who bought and wrapped the gifts for our family… it’s all stopped now, as you can imagine. I don’t do it for DH anymore either.

Insensitive inlaws and a equally dense husband.
Leave their care to him and stop and wife work like buying presents.

You know it's off what they said after the baby and the gifts.
I'm not big present person and even I think if they have that much money and probably time, then it might be nice to treat u well.
Keep a wide berth. They are just interested in their son. Get Ur own friends/family and let them do their thing. Don't discuss with DH. He won't get it.

Is your DH a good husband and father, is it just the MIL/FIL apparrent meanness or is it just MIL? What are his sisters like towards you? What happens at Xmas do they buy for you or just for DH and your daughters?

How do your parents behave towards your DH, do they treat him any different to you gifts-wise?

As for you having 3 girls, I think she's comparing her mix to your same sex brood - bloody silly woman, does she understand nature & human biology or does she think they're mail order by choice. It would all grate on me too, I never achieved a happy medium with my MIL because my DH was weak & stuck up for mummy 😁

Families are either a blessing or a curse, sometimes they're a bloody nightmare for the sake of it.

Some families have an us and them mentality, and it never goes. I do receive presents but my mil doesn't really count me as a family member or of any importance really. It's bloody annoying but I leave all the gift buying etc for them to my husband.
I tried in the past, as I do believe when you marry you take on another family, but if people don't meet you halfway then it's their lookout. I make minimal effort now. Respect yourself xx

It appears to me that you husband is as insensitive as your in-laws. For their next birthdays, MiL , buy her Take a Break or some thing similar, there are loads out there, FiiL buy him something like Men's Health or Retro Gamer. After that tell DH he is on his own, he can buy them presents. We have never ever disrespecte our kid's partners by treating them as a afterthought.

Oh our posts crossed over!
Good you came back to respond!
I’m same as you, not really a flower person.. in fact they aggravate my allergies! We stopped buying big gifts for adults, it gets silly otherwise.

They are oddballs. It wouldn’t hurt them to buy you a lovely gift. Just step back of all responsibility that concerns their involvement.

I no longer buy for my DHs family, as they pissed me off once (we still have a relationship and they don’t know they pissed me off) so my DH has to buy their gifts now and I like asking them, excitedly, what they got when opening it as xyz chose it (my way of letting them know, no effort came from me).

STOP buying for them!
Let your DH pick out and buy their presents.. if he asks your opinion tell him if it was down to you they’d get a pot plant or a bunch of flowers from Aldi .. tell him he needs to buy presents from his own account for his family!
Maybe your parents need to reduce what they spend on your DH, tell them to keep their money and buy themselves something !

as for the comment regarding the sex of your child - my Nan is obsessed with boys… She was so pleased when my eldest 2 siblings had boys first .. takes the pressure off what the 2nd baby is according to her… I had a girl after 11 years of difficulties and there was still a comment about ‘hopefully next time you’ll have a boy!… I was thrilled with having a girl and never conceived again…. When my younger bro and his wife were expecting there was a comment about it being a shame it was a girl, but their second was a boy so that was good news…. I think my nan (100 soon) has a reason though… I think after the wars it was expected / hoped that lots of baby boys would be born to replace all that were lost at war… nowadays it’s ’just To carry on the family name’…. However more and more people aren’t getting married and giving their child either a double barrelled name (my older brother did this as they weren’t married) or a few of my friends have given their babies their name so the dads family name isn’t carried forward anyway! I’ve also known male friends to change their surnames to their mothers maiden name after the dad walked out and as soon as they were old enough to change it…. They did! !!
I think next generation will see less marriages and women passing their name to their children anyway!

Anyway I doubt OP is even reading these since she hasn’t bothered to come back and answer questions…

When my DH told his mum I was pregnant the first time, she asked me on the phone if it was his child. We had IVF but ive really never got over that, not over my SIL telling me that MIL told her that my DH was henpecked by me. Almost everything she ever bought me went into charity shops or sold on ebay. Now there isn't much more pretence. When she visits I answer with yes and no answers, and try to avoid handing over any information to her because whatever I say will be used against me somehow. Her 3 sons and son in law can do no wrong, her daughter and daughters in law are just criticised to each other. She isn't my mum, she's not my family, I just need to live my life without reference to her, and then it's fine. I hate that it is like this, but not sure what I can do after 22 years of it.

I'm sorry you suffered. This is a bit twisted of them, and TOXIC behaviour. I'm sorry that you went through this. His mother obviously resents you and you will understand as YOU now are with the little Emperor which is her Boy and she can't stand it and she's going out of her way to dig at you. Some MIL s do this so dont take it personally; there are millions of Wives suffering the same fate. Go out and buy yourself something nice to compensate. Thing is : it's going to get tricky when she's Old and infirm and YOU will be expected to step up and carry her. THATS the only thing which YOU shoukd worry about. If I was you, the next time SHE expect YOU to roll out the red carpet and announces a Royal Visit: DISAPPEAR somewhere, at least then you won't give them.oppprtunity to insult you AND don't ever volunteer to arrange a birthday treat for her !!!!!!

I wouldn't be that upset over the 'present' as it must indeed have been a token, but I agree that nothing would have been better, or maybe a bottle of wine! My own PIL have never given me a birthday present. At Christmas, and before we had our children, they'd go all out on presents though, and it became apparent that they were stuck in a mindset of 'shower the children with piles of tat, quantity over quality'. So we ended up with lots of without-thought things like toiletries sets and sponge bags and endless scarves, which I'd quietly recycle. The year I had our first child it ended and we were told 'you don't get presents any more, Christmas is for children' and I realised that in our childless state, we'd been as children to them! (They are bloody odd people though.)

DH gets a bottle of wine and a plaid shirt or jumper for his birthday. Every year. Pretty much the same jumper. I'm quite happy to remain giftless. (We obviously get them things but that's all DH's job thank god)

The hurtful fuckwittery about not having a son, on the other hand ... I'd have been upset too, if it had been meant, and wasn't just a silly throwaway.

The comment about trying again for a boy is very insensitive.

The presents, meh, I wouldn't be bothered at all. I have been married for 15 years. We get joint Christmas cards to us but I rarely get a card or present to me for my birthday or a separate Christmas present from his family and I am okay with this. The only times I have done are because we were spending the day with them. I'm fine with this. I don't need or expect cards or gifts from them. My husband deals with all cards and gifts for his side of the family (which means only his parents really get cards and presents). I deal with my side. His side don't get me anything. My side gets him stuff. I think you need to accept that you can't control other people's behaviour just your reactions. You know what they are going to do. I think you need to stop investing your own time, energy, headspace to it. Let him deal with it

"I said I couldn't believe they brought up a magazine as they're so well-to-do. "
What a strange comment to make.
Their house is worth.....

OP You sound very resentful in a way I am struggling to piece together. You seem to be skewing whatever the actual issue is and pushing it on to something tangible to make an argument.

I'd take a step back and address your real, potentially subconscious, feelings and concerns then go from there.

I'm not surprised you are repeatedly arguing about this, because you are making something out of nothing. The fact you get flowers now says DH has already spoken to MIL too.

Personally I embrace in-laws and gifting, and am all for families coming together. I feel I am in a minority there though now.

As for the comment, yes insensitive but how she was feeling at the time, and how you were. Ignore this one. Deal with the bigger issue here which is your insecurity.

Same.
OP, YABU.

Get your mother to stop buying for him.

Down grade their presents to the point that the combined cost is similar to what they spend on dh. Then spend any excess in yourselves.

Step back and let it wash over you. Be civil with them for dh’s sake, but accept it’s not a great relationship. Stop caring. They aren’t important to you.

I don’t think I’d be that bothered by the baby comment. A bit insensitive, but I don’t think deliberately meant to be hurtful and certainly not worth crying over.
Id have been fuming over getting a magazine for my birthday! In a gift bag? That somehow seems worse than getting nothing. It also seems a bit of a dig at a perceived lack of home making and gardening skills.
Cheap flowers are not much better.
Don’t involve yourself in any gift buying for them going forward.

The way you mention the value of their house and their second home/cars etc …. they’re prob well aware of how you think .. they’ve got the measure of you!

Agree with @KimHwn- you did get a gift- they gave you flowers. Sounds like you have got a bee in your bonnet.

I had four sons. The 'trying for a girl' line started with pregnancy number 2. I didn't care. I think it's just mindless conversation really. No one but you and your partner really cares about your child's gender.
As for presents, my in laws were very wealthy but not really into presents. When they did give you one it was always something really random like a second hand flower pot three months after your birthday.

Sounds like my bf’s parents live mortgage free in a £300,000 house up in Kendal but buy my 8 year old son (their only grandchild) fuck all for his bday! Last year he got a 99p colouring book! Yet his mum for her bday expected her kids to buy her an £150 bottle of perfume! As I say it’s a 2 way street, so if they buy you bugger all return the favour or buy a magazine back 😂🫣

Just ignore them, unfortunately some people are dicks. You've accidentally married into them. Spend no time or thought on them. They're your husbands problem so leave him to sort their birthdays and christmas. I say this as someone who gets nothing from my in laws, other than one christmas where I was given a cardboard novelty coaster with an offensive funny comment on it, clearly chosen to be directed at me. They're not going to change, what would you like to happen? For your husband to fight with them about it? They still won't put thought or effort in, it'll be awkward and tensions will heighten. Sometimes people are just not worth your thought....

A wrapped magazine is worse than no present at all. Your partner is not a good partner if he is invalidating your feelings and not handling his parents.