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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse inheritance so my estranged father cannot benefit?

116 replies

Kate8889 · 02/04/2026 21:23

My father lives in my home country (Russia) and he would inherit 1/4 of my assets if I die before him, and same in reverse, if he passes away first. He abandoned me and my mom when I was 5 to go into a cult, hasn't helped in any way since and communicated only to ask me to forgive his child support debt.

So far I haven't had much in my name there except a very modest bank account. Unfortunately, my grandma is not doing well and wishes to write me into her will for a country cabin we have.

I told my grandma that because he would automatically get a portion if anything were to happen to me, I do not want anything in my name in my home country, to give it to my mom. She is very offended and thinks she's giving me this big gift.

Another consideration is that I would have to take leave from work without much notice and go and accept the inheritance, which would be mega stressful. My mom is all but retired so shed be fine to go.

OP posts:
1984Winston · 02/04/2026 22:26

I get it, had a similar family situation, I would refuse it too. I now part own a Property with an estranged family member and its just caused stress tbh. Same thing, another country with forced heirship

Ineffable23 · 02/04/2026 22:26

Kate8889 · 02/04/2026 22:15

I go see her every year, so no. She just loves me a lot and it's her way of showing that. I could sell the cabin but it wouldn't go for much and that money would be difficult to bring over to the US

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Couldn't you sell the cabin to your mum for £1?

Changingplace · 02/04/2026 22:25

Kate8889 · 02/04/2026 22:12

I can write a will but by law he would still get 1/4 of my assets in Russia

Edited
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But why would you assume anything will happen to you?

Take the inheritance, blow it all & enjoy yourself, leave nothing for him to have if it makes you feel better, but the likelihood is you’d outlive him in any case.

Of write a UK legally binding will that you leave everything to the RSPCA or similar??

PullTheBricksDown · 02/04/2026 22:24

Kate8889 · 02/04/2026 22:15

I go see her every year, so no. She just loves me a lot and it's her way of showing that. I could sell the cabin but it wouldn't go for much and that money would be difficult to bring over to the US

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But after your grandmother's death, it would be your property and then you're free to sell it? I would do that. If it's hard to bring the money out of Russia then you could pass that on to other relatives there or give it to charity even. You're no worse off but you have accepted the gift and not upset your grandmother.

Also agree with @HarlanCobenDogshit - your dad is much more likely to die before you and then it's not even an issue.

FourSevenThree · 02/04/2026 22:18

Hohofortherobbers · 02/04/2026 22:15

Why would he get anything if you write a will? What country are you residing in

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Because no matter when she lives (sounds US), the Russian inheritance law will apply for stuff she owns in Russia

TheUsualChaos · 02/04/2026 22:17

Obviously it's your choice but I can see why she's upset.
Seems a bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face to me.

Hohofortherobbers · 02/04/2026 22:15

Kate8889 · 02/04/2026 22:12

I can write a will but by law he would still get 1/4 of my assets in Russia

Edited
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Why would he get anything if you write a will? What country are you residing in

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/04/2026 22:15

Kate8889 · 02/04/2026 22:12

I can write a will but by law he would still get 1/4 of my assets in Russia

Edited
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Do you even live in Russia?

Original poster
Kate8889 · 02/04/2026 22:15

RawBloomers · 02/04/2026 22:12

Especially since it’s property it sounds tricky, OP. Presumably you couldn’t sell it and then have control of the money, or give it to your mum?

is there any provision in Russian law for you to vary the will after your grandmothers death so you do not have to return?

is having you return part of what your grandmother hopes to influence by leaving the cabin to you?

I go see her every year, so no. She just loves me a lot and it's her way of showing that. I could sell the cabin but it wouldn't go for much and that money would be difficult to bring over to the US

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/04/2026 22:15

Bearing in mind none of us are experts in Russian inheritance or property law, maybe you could

a) accept it and sell it immediately
b) accept it and transfer ownership to your mother, who could then
i) sell it and give you the money
ii) sell it and keep/spend the money
iii) keep it and hope that you both outlive him

RawBloomers · 02/04/2026 22:12

Especially since it’s property it sounds tricky, OP. Presumably you couldn’t sell it and then have control of the money, or give it to your mum?

is there any provision in Russian law for you to vary the will after your grandmothers death so you do not have to return?

is having you return part of what your grandmother hopes to influence by leaving the cabin to you?

Original poster
Kate8889 · 02/04/2026 22:12

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/04/2026 22:07

Why would he inherit? Why can’t you write a will?

I can write a will but by law he would still get 1/4 of my assets in Russia

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/04/2026 22:07

Why would he inherit? Why can’t you write a will?

hahabahbag · 02/04/2026 22:05

Where do you live? In England you can leave money as you see fit. What country awards parents money?

Theunamedcat · 02/04/2026 22:04

Write a will?

HarlanCobenDogshit · 02/04/2026 22:03

I mean you don't have to.

But your thinking feels off to me.

Most parents die first. So it's unlikely that he will inherit from you.

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