To be sad that I’ve never been proposed to?

What's that got to do with a proposal?🤔

I have been married 19 years but we just decided and that was it. No proposal necessary.

My husband proposed when I had food poisoning, was wearing a tracksuit, had dripping wet hair from the shower and no makeup. I also looked vaguely green and felt very queasy. It was not a peak romantic moment. Compared to that unwrapping a ring at Christmas sounds much better. But we have been married for over thirty years now.

I have been with my partner since 1979, he has never wanted to be married, still doesn't- but he choses to live his life with me every day- is that not enough?

I've never been proposed to either. I am married (still).
I was clear that I wanted to be married before kids and buying a house together and we'd generally discussed and agreed. Then I unwrapped a ring at Christmas and we were engaged, though he didn't actually propose. He's not really into "romance" and when I asked why he didn't proper he was baffled and didn't think it was necessary after our discussions, the ring "made it obvious" .

For several years I did occasionally feel a bit sad that I'd not had a proposal especially when some friends, cousins etc told me about their romantic destination down-on-one-knee proposals. But it really doesn't matter now. Romance is overrated. A few of the showy proposal couples had quite short marriages and are now divorced.

I've had an out of the blue proposal. It was awful. We hadn't discussed marriage at all and I just wasn't in that place at all - i was young and it just wasn't on my radar. I had to say no - which was just horrible.
With my now husband we had lots of discussions about the future, whether we wanted kids, where we wanted to live etc so we knew we were on the same page. We started planning our wedding one night after a few beers - next morning was like, wait are we engaged?? Haha it was perfect and we have been married 25 years.
I don't understand people who want a surprise proposal - how can you make such a big decision like that without ever discussing it first?

I’m only 50 and when I was in my 20s it was still considered pretty shocking to be pregnant out of marriage.

And living “in sin” was considered very dimly.

Attitudes to that sort of thing have moved on quite considerably in my lifetime.

An elderly friend's mum got married at 90, they had been together 5 months. When he died, 3 years later, his family made the last 6 months of her life hell by contesting the will. That was her first proposal as she got married at 18 because she was pregnant too. Her first husband died too.

Why would you want a proposal unless you want to get married again?

I used to want a romantic proposal but now older and wiser and man savvy being I know being ‘chosen’ by a man is not what is cracked up to be.

YABU as you say you are not keen on getting married again anyway which is the whole point of a proposal

I'm sorry this recent relationship didn't work out. It's not you. These men weren't right, and that's not down to your failings.

I’ve been proposed to twice and said no both times, that’s actually worse.

Yes, it sounds as if that's at the heart of it. He was never fully committed and turned out to be a bad husband. I get it. 30 years ago, things were different.
I wonder if it's time to work on putting that marriage behind you, and start to think about having a good quality of life now?

I agree! You can still be special to someone 😊

It sounds lol you really just want to feel like you are someone’s “best person” and that’s entirely natural and understandable.

But you are only mid fifties! Plenty of time to find a special person.

💐

I think you've hit the nail on the head there
You were never confident that your ex wanted to be married.
That was nothing to do with a lack of "proposal", but perhaps because you wed for the sake of your child.
That doesn't mean that you can't have romance in your life, or happiness moving forward 💐

Is it cultural in terms of feeling he had to do the right thing? It’d likely a century ago that was a thing really?

Yes, I'm wondering that - perhaps reflecting on the fact that the marriage ended?

I think romantic proposals with big gestures seem to have come back into fashion again, possibly because of social media.
When me and my friends got married a proposal like that seemed old fashioned. It gave the decision about marriage to the man.
Me and DH just discussed our future together and decided on marriage. We're very happy nearly 40 years on.
My point is this; it's not the proposal which would make you happy, but the idea that you had a happy future ahead of you.

I'm a big old feminist OP but still get it. My husband proposed to me 30 years ago, not a big planned staged thing, but a courage in hands 'will you marry me'. I think it was the happiest moment of my life and still brings tears to my eyes.

Do you think he didn't want to be married to you?.