AIBU to expect DH to replace my ruined jumper(s)

Stop putting them on the laundry basket. I have a cotton laundry bag for anything that needs handwashing or dry cleaning. Also, wool doesn’t need washing often. Hanging outside to air is much better for it.

First and MOST IMPORTANTLY! I thought you would laugh until you did yourself an injury at this video. How many DHs think there IS a magic table?!?

Less important: I’ve disagreed with most posters from the beginning, but this is because my partner has ADHD and he’s not shrunk anything yet. He knows he needs to devote FULL attention when doing laundry. It doesn’t take a fucking rocket scientist to determine if a magical new sweater that feels super soft has MYSTERIOUSLY appeared in the laundry pile, he needs to check the label. I’d double check he even knows how to read the label (it sounds possible that he has ADHD, and people with ADHD have a nasty habit of not learning basic things that don’t interest them, myself included. His other issues point to a possible ADHD diagnosis, as does the fact that he’s a self-employed tradesman so has developed systems that work for him).

Not really.

Without correcting pp's statement which is what I was responding to in the first place. Odd.

And I corrected the statement - you’re welcome!

I was responding to pp claiming that men somehow can't manage laundry.

I don’t allow my bloke anywhere near laundry for this very reason. Having said that I absent mindedly put a pair of my own wool/silk socks in the tumble dryer the other day and they came out like bootees.

Obviously replacements should be bought but why would they come out of “family money” @PILinOz. Do you not both have personal spending money?

I don't think this is your fault at all. I do have a separate bag (it's just a free tote cloth bag that hangs on a hook) for my whites, cashmere, wool and silk stuff, but it's not just because DH would wash it on 30 with everything else, but because I am just as likely to do that!

But when you've told him right before he does a load not to wash your things ... Come on, a minimum of effort is required.

DH has ruined some whites of mine before and he went without something for him to replace them.

It’s not important to some people - there, fixed it for you.

Nothing OP has said, makes me think the washingate is a reason for divorce!

And that's fine really, isn't it ? The OP is capable of washing her own clothes to her own standards. She can do her own laundry to her own standards and leave her DH to do his laundry and their children's laundry. Personally, I'd have no wish for my DH to be separating our my clothes, handwashing some, low spin others, and then to know what I'd tumble dry and what I'd air dry. I can do that myself. DH does other things for me/our family that I don't particularly like doing.

Of course they can. It isn't rocket science, it just isn't important to some men and they don't care.

There's a difference.

Use a separate basket for delicate items in the future. You knew he didn’t pay attention but continued to use the basket. I have a small white basket for delicate things.
Neither paid attention to the issue.

My DH has a throw it all in approach, it's what worked for him when he was single. He still has a similar approach but over the years has come to realise not to wash whites and light colours with dark colours, though he wouldn't segregate to my standards at all. I prefer to wash my own clothes as some are hand washed or washed at 30
degrees and spun at a low level. I have my own laundry basket. It works for us. DH is well able to spot when a laundry basket is full and to do a load. He might sometimes wash something belonging to him or the children that I'd have hand washed or washed on a different setting but has only ever destroyed the odd thing (haven't we all) and I acknowledge that my laundry standards are higher than his but not enough that I'd say, I'll do all the laundry myself because I shouldn't have to, nor do I want to.

Why is a person who can’t separate her expensive clothes allowed to have them?

Why is a person so incompetent allowed to use a washing machine?

If your husband complained about you ruining his clothes, accused you of weaponised incompetence and pointed out you should have separated the jumpers and that you should have read the label, you would tell him to do his own laundry and that it’s his responsibility not to leave delicates in with everything else.

If you posted about it, you would be asked if he was crap in other parts of your life and there would be comments about being a man child.

lf your husband knows that little about laundry what is he doing putting loads on? Have him doing something with much less brain work like stripping and making beds- it will just happen again if you leave things as they are.
l t sounds to me that your DH resents having to do laundry, otherwise it would not have happened a second time when you specifically asked him to be careful- put him on bed duty instead, look on ebay for the jumpers, generally better for quality items than Vinted.
lf you can't trust him to do laundry even with strict instructions, how on earth can you trust him to trawl TK Maxx or Vinted. Stop him doing laundry now, he is obviously not that bothered if he ruins things- oh as a sidebar you should be washing cashmere by hand anyway, which would have stopped this happening.

Jesus wept! What a load of absolute bollocks. Men can read labels. Some just don't care enough to bother. That's not the same thing.

And this is why I won't let my DH touch the laundry. If he did say he was going to do some laundry (which he doesn't because he knows I don't like him going near the washing machine), I would sort the clothes first and tell him which piles he can wash - and possibly even hide the delicate stuff. Men are hopeless at laundry, even those who have lived on their own for years. They can't wash women's clothes.

In your OP though you said "I warn him that a few of my newly purchased work items are in there and not to touch them please."

I know you might have been paraphrasing obviously which is fine, but if the above is exactly what you said I can see how he might have got the wrong end of the stick. The sentence could mean "the only things of mine in there are my new work items (which I don't want you to touch), so don't wash anything of mine in there" or it could mean "there are some of my new work items in there (which I don't want you to touch), but feel free to wash anything else of mine that's in there."

But don’t you see how you’d be equally to blame in the laptop analogy because after losing 4 laptops the same way, you need to learn that your DH either will not or can not take care of it.

You need to set delicates aside for handwashing or a delicates cycle and do them separately. There are far fewer items of clothes in this category and it’s a bit weird, in my view, to mix it all in with the main laundry just to pick it out and hope you get it all before doing a load…

Does he only do this with cashmere jumpers or is he absent-minded with other stuff?
whilst it is 100% his responsibilty to check the washing and 100% his responsibilty to listen to your warning about the cashmere, he didn’t or couldn’t and the result is he messed up.

i think you need to find the root cause as to why it happened first, and then determine next steps.

before half of MN come here and tell me that I am making excuses saying that he “couldn’t” sort the washing and he “couldn’t” listen (rather than didn’t), I wanted to check what other signs of poor executive function he shows.

severe ADHD = severe executive functioning issues = his brain never stopped to do the step of sorting the washing or the step of listening to your warning about cashmere and then putting the info in his brain to remind him. There’s more complex reason here that I can go in to if necessary.

lack of respect / rushing / worried about other things / doesn’t care = didn’t do the step of sorting the washing.

Separate wash baskets all the way. I got fed up doing the laundry as couldn't trust DH to do it properly and then it be a source of arguments so would end up with more of a share of housework.

I don't think men value clothes in the same way as women. I take effort to wash my clothes carefully ie clothes inside out, right amount of detergent, correct spin cycles and temperature etc. My DH just bungs his in.

The problems in this marriage will not be solved by buying another laundry basket. The issue is not the laundry.