I'm now reading the other posts and feel the need for a bit more explanation. At 50, my life expectations lowered to meet what financial security I had.
I realised I'm never going to be rich or "successful" in any financially exciting way. 🤣 That wasn't the case until then - I was always on a (very stressful) upward trajectory. After nearly two years of unemployment, I settled for enough. A job, an income. No prospects, but not much pressure either.
My chronic pain condition, now diagnosed, has finally killed any idea that I can have ambition of greater wealth. And just for today, I'm okay with that. I've refocused my goals around my family and my hobbies.
I grow veg and flowers on my allotment and get there as much as weather, job and energy permit. I look after my two beloved and beautiful cats. I live with my adored husband and lovely daughter. I dabble in art amd textile crafts.
I increasingly can't really access expensive things like travel or adventures. That does make me sad if I dwell on it, but I replaced outward adventure with smaller explorations in my art.
I try to look at the half full. I have two beautiful happy and thriving daughters. They had their struggles in childhood and adolescence, but they survived them. Secretly i think this was in large part down to having us as kind, stable and loving parents but I'd never say that to them.
My pain management course has urged me to do less, not more. At first I hated the idea of this, because I've always thrived on being "extra". But maybe its given me permission to "be".
I think middle age has brought a kind of freedom from obligations like being a mum and housekeeper that were very heavy on me. But I wasn't prepared to let my kids down.
I'm exhausted at times, but I'm now recognising that it's not a sign of personal weakness, it just is. I've stopped judging myself so harshly.