Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

all of my friends in those age ranges are busy carving out a career - either in banking or engineering - work pretty long hours and I’m pretty sure one finds women irrational (he has a few ltr that don’t work out)

My son is early thirties - married, kid, mortgage, good job. Great dad, great provider, great husband according to his wife, and they each maintain an equitable balance of teamwork and autonomy, family life and outside interests. Their daughter's the most charming, self-possessed, well-behaved child, and frankly if I could think of anyway to claim credit for any of it, I would.

I think the ones who want to settle are, well, already settled down? Then you have the men who are happy to remain single.

I think these sorts of men come off the dating apps quite quickly when single, as they aren't going to mess about.

My 26 year old has a really good job working for a water company. Split from his girlfriend of 5 years last year ( we were all very sad about it) the relationship had run its course. He's lovely, kind, funny, respectful. He dresses nicely and is blonde 6' 1" tall.

He lives with his dad ( my ex husband) but is saving madly for a house. I know he's on dating sites again but having little luck.

Hes a definite catch for the right person.

My 26 year old son has just moved in with his girlfriend, they’ve bought their own home. They’re both very career focused right now but talk about having children in a few years time.

My 25 year old son has just bought his first house with his girlfriend he met at Uni

DS (33) just got engaged to his partner (32) who he met on Tinder nearly 9 years ago. They have lived together since about a month after they met. Bought house last year. Both graduates working in different parts of the public sector. DS didn't return home to live after university, rented a flat straightaway. He was with his previous girlfriend, who he met on his year abroad, for nearly 3 years.

All their friends of the same age are either in long term relationships, married, and some expecting first child. None are still dating.

Does not live at home.

OP your post implies that the men are the problem - have you considered that your DD and her friends are the reason their relationships with men aren’t developing?

For example, it sounds pretty intense to be discussing freezing eggs at 26.

My DH has a son and a daughter in your age category - his daughter is a nightmare, she wants a perfect relationship with long term commitment within a week of meeting someone and has therefore been through many a breakup in the past few years.

Our eldest together is early 20’s and by comparison is much more laid back than her sister, she has a boyfriend who is 23, they met at work, both at uni and seem to have a lovely relationship so far.

Not all men want to settle down, not all of them want to be tied to someone else.
Damed if they do Damed if they dont.

Im a woman in that category I dont want to be tied down or have kids, I dont want marriage either.
I dont want all the drama of a relationship.
I'll stick to one night stands.

This also describes my brother - he is 32. He has worked hard to have the career he has and also owns 3 properties that he lets out, in addition to his own 4 bed house. He is very active and can be found at the swimming pool (sometimes multiple times a day) or playing football/watching his team at all of their home and away games... none of which really lead to meeting anyone new, and he has lost touch with most of his friends from uni and school, despite living in the same area as where we grew up. He loves my son (his only nephew) and I can see he would be such a good dad, if he had someone to make a life with but as he isnt into drinking/clubbing and works mostly remotely, he needs to make some kind of change to make it happen which I think is scary for him as he doesnt want to get it "wrong" or upset someone.

He is confident (in a good, not cocky way!) mature and sensible with a great sense of humour and interesting to talk to (has lived abroad, speaks other languages etc). He has his own home, car and comfortable savings as his biggest costs are following his football team... he has been on a few dates in the past with girls he liked but they still all lived with their parents, werent interested in moving out and preferred to priortise saving for cars/holidays/clothes and he didn't feel they were overly compatible.

My husband also (just) fits into that category, but we got together when I was still at uni and he was on a grad scheme nearly 18 years ago. We had a "year of weddings" in 2016 where most of the couples we knew got married aged around 30, after buying property a few years before (we are SW London based, so all were in well paid professional careers) and now we all have kids.

Ds1 is 29 He has been buying his own house since he was 22. He has a great job. He single after heand his gf broke up last year fo wanting different things from their relationship. The fall out wasn't bitter and they still occasionly socialise and are still friends.

Ds 2 is 26.He too has been buying a house since he was 22 but this time with his girlfriend. He absolutely loves her to bits and they have many shared hobbies they do together but also have some separate interests and friendship groups. She brings the best out of him.

Same here. From what I hear, most of his best mates from school are also in LTR with uni gfs or are working crazy hours to climb the corporate ladder. Or both.

I agree, that's a really weird thing to think/say.

Covid stopped three of my nieces from meeting a vast range of men their own age at uni, because they studied from home.

I’m early 30s and tbh most straight men I know are in relationships. I met my husband when I was 25 on a dating app and I have lots of other friends who met partners on dating apps including some in the past few years. But you do come across a lot of weirdos in the process. I wasn’t necessarily doing it to look for a serious relationship at that point though, more just for fun and then if I met anyone I could see something serious with, it was a bonus.

Other friends met partners at uni, work, nights out, through friends.

Mine is currently single. He met his last girlfriend through a mixed sex sport and previous ones at university (he’s a PhD student).

Both of the exes I met were very nice but one was also very high maintenance and the other would have (rare) temper tantrums then give the silent treatment.

He has seen my and DH’s calm relationship so he wants something similar. I think they learn to spot red flags early on so will end things sooner.

My 34 year old got married last year (been together for 11 years). My other son 33 is with his girlfriend. They’ve been together a similar time. Both bought their own home. One met their partner in a night club and the other were friends in sixth form.
I’ve nieces a similar age to your daughter both are not in a relationship and still living at home.

Married and committed to family life, child and career.
Met spouse in early uni days.

I remember breaking up with my long term bf at 25 and having 3 years of nothing because every guy who was decent had been snapped up (or maybe they didn't need to get into the weird stuff because they had the stability of a girlfriend) and there was a huge chunk missing. All of the guys who struggled to get gf's got sucked into porn (which was suddenly free for our age) and began losing the art of conversation. All I would suggest is we encourage our young people to set people up with friends who are single - now all of my peer's first marriages are ending (late 40s/early 50s) this is the most successful way of finding men who haven't cheated/got some weird fetish/aren't womanising that normal happy women would want to date.

Single. ND. No gf that I know of. Working, sleeping ,mates,and hobbies and weed I think. Not much ambition sadly.

Vastly different to me at that age.

I have a DS 28 and DS 26 and DD 26
both boys are in long term relationships which lovely partners DD still looking , she’s had a few boyfriends , one though 6th form and uni broke up in third year .

Agree — though I don’t think I’d say ‘intense”, I’d say ‘mono focused on relationships”. The OP doesn’t say anything about what her daughter and her friends are actually like as people, and some of the vague hints don’t sound particularly appealing. ‘Family values’ can be code for ‘Reform-voting’. Talking about freezing her eggs at 26 while living with her parents isn’t going to appeal to a lot of people unless they’re equally mono-focused. Someone who thinks her virginity is some kind of prize to bestow (how will the ‘someone special’ win it?) is probably storing up problems by making sex too important in her head.

Are these women interesting?

I'm sorry to say it but they are still at home because you allow them to be, and it will definitely be putting girls off that they still live at home with their mummy.

Maybe it's that young women have raised their bar? Gaming, weed smoking,porn watching, gambling, cheating applicants need not apply. Lots of people on here who are older and have sacked off the older equivalent of these young men.