Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

@ParmaVioletTea But I hear from young (and older!) men saying that women want the moon on a stick - only tall men, only high earners etc thereby eliminating loads of nice men. Obviously if you’re aiming for “Finance Guy, Six Foot Five” as the song goes, then the field is going to be competitive!

@ParmaVioletTeaDid your friends eventually find love later in life/go on to have children?

Well, it was my experience and that of about half a dozen of my friends. All high flyers and nice people. Not necessarily beautiful but attractive personalities and kind.

We used to say that if we were men, we’d have women lining up to go out with us. It didn’t work the other way round in the 90s and it seems that 30 years later, it’s still the same.

It’s definitely my experience and that of three of my friends.

Mine is unfortunately in a toxic relationship that he is struggling to leave. GF has severe mental health problems and self-harms, threatens suicide if he leaves.
Yes, I know it’s unlikely she will do so but he is in the classic FOG situation.

@ParmaVioletTea I agree with you. I dumped a couple of wonderful young men in my early twenties as I wanted to be “free” . I loved them but felt I needed to prove something.

A big mistake

I had a good job in the City and unfortunately found that many men in their late twenties /early thirties had no intention of settling down and if they had relationships, it was with EXTREMELY beautiful women ( not just averagely attractive).

As a result many women just settled for “they’ll do” in their early thirties because they wanted children. A lot of my friends remained single for all of their thirties as they refused to compromise.

DS is 25, he met his exGF at cadets and they broke up 18 months ago when he discovered she had been messaging a guy she worked with in an inappropriate manner. They had been together since 17.

His mates made him join Hinge . He has now been dating a lovely woman for 10 months and they are moving in together when she finishes her Masters. They both play a team sport, though different sports, he has actually helped out with her team and they all love him. Among his friends who are between 24 and 30 all of them except two have girlfriends and all long term. Those two are nice lads but massive nerds and a bit shy.

I have high hopes for DS and his GF they have one thing that reminds me of DH and I, they are playmates and make each other laugh. They are both very ambitious and real grafters. She grew up on a farm and her Grandad had DS herding cows the first time he went to the farm. Her family are brilliant and we have met up with them three times already. You can see why she is such a great person having met them.

Gaming wonderful not.
Not out there playing sport and keeping fit or going for a run?

I'm just a little younger than you, but this isn't my experience at all.

Nor is it the experience of the next generation in our extended family, or their friends, or the dc of my friends.

men really do have to be careful who they hook up with

One would ideally be careful about choosing their sexual partner regardless of their sex.

it’s no wonder there are less men out there looking and preferring a free and single life…..good for them

Men choosing to be "free and single" for whatever reason is not an issue, provided that they do not espouse the so-called "manosphere" ideologies, specifically "Men Who Go Their Own Way" in this case.

Whilst these men are gaming and onto hobbies, these potential gf are working, poss trying to get on at work AND if they want children have a limited time frame to do that. Plenty of people on MN who are TTC in their 30s. Good if you are not on a career path you can have children in your 20s. Men of course can procreate in their 50s/60s and older with their 3rd or 4th wife or latest gf.

All the good men in my life were snapped up before the age of 21! Married with kids long before 35.

Honestly reading some of the sexiest comments on here men really do have to be careful who they hook up with

So perhaps it’s no wonder there are less men out there looking and preferring a free and single life…..good for them I’m thinking.

@ExOptimist no they don’t have loads of one night stands, they are just having a great life without partners- some of them haven’t had sex, so what. Doesn’t mean they are addicted to porn!!

My two are 26 and 27.

Both have been in relationships with their partners since age 16. Each left home at 18 to live with them.

Both own homes, have professional careers.

DS1 is 33 & met his wife at work. They were friends first, then were both single & started dating.
DS2 is 32, he has ASD & learning difficulties. Friendly affable chap though, has female friends.
DS3 is 30, he lives with his girlfriend. They met socially, both like going to gigs & raves.
DS4 is 27, he is single. I think he’s in a similar position to your DD, OP. He would like a girlfriend, but hasn’t met the woman for him since his last relationship ended about 2 years ago. He works hard, plays golf, goes out with his mates, goes to the gym. Not sure about whether he’s on dating apps - I suspect DDs might be more open with their Mums about this sort of things than DSs!

I feel you @SleepRelay and I'm 40 years older than your DD and her friends. This has always been an issue for well-educated professional women. Men are hopeless. The ones who want to settle down wait till their mid thirties and then find a 20 year old. They can't cope with their contemporaries.

Young women who want to have a bit of fun in their 20s, get their degrees and establish their careers face - tumbleweed. Men can't cope with clever women who are their equals.

Middle class/professional women who marry are lucky, not anything else. - they're not superior, just lucky. Or they drop their standards.

Men get away with being Pete Pan in a way that women can't. The press & public opinion about women not having children etc etc are the same now as it was when I was in my 20s in the early 1990s. It's always the woman's fault - never the issue with these Peter Pan men.

DS1 is living with his gf who he has been with for 8 years, since they were in sixth form together.
DS2 has been seeing his gf who he met on Hinge, they were both at the same uni, for just over a year. They are living in separate house shares.
Both girls are delightful and I’m very happy that my boys both have girlfriends at the same time (channeling Jackie from FND 😆).
A lot of people I know (including me) met their partners at uni, it’s a time in your life when you meet an awful lot of other people who you potentially have something in common with.

Bollocks.

Perhaps if they tried just speaking to women rather than making passes at them, this would be less of an issue.

Whilst some men seem to really struggle with this, most women can tell the difference between a man hitting on them and a man talking to them respectfully.

I think it must depend on factors like where you live and particular groups. London seems to have an awful lot of young people in it. From my experience, some will have started a family by the age of 30 but only the minority. Equally some will be in serious relationships but a lot of these do go wrong, unfortunately, and certainly plenty haven’t settled down.
It could be that a more serious issue is that the young men are working really hard on their careers.

I have two ds, one is within your age range and one is a year older. Both have been in relationships since their early 20's. One lives with his partner of 15 years, both are in professional jobs. They met in the sixth form, went to different universities, did post-grad qualification and started their careers before moving in together around seven years ago. The other met his wife at his Saturday job and they moved in together a few years later. Since then they have married, had two dcs and DS has changed career and studied for his degree.
I met DH when I was still at school and we have been married almost 45 years.
I think that it's true to say that for DH and I, as well as our dc's, none of us were looking for a life partner when we met. We all met our partners almost by accident and the relationships grew naturally, rather than making a definite attempt to find a long term partner.

In a long term relationship and about to propse!

Long term girlfriend.

My DS 24 lives in rented accommodation and literally spends most of his time working so doesn’t belong to a gym or have many hobbies. He’s had the same girlfriend for 3 years . He met his girlfriend as she was friends with a school friend of his.

I have 2. One is engaged, living with his fiancee, going to work, playing football, doing his hobbies, planning their wedding.

One has a girlfriend he met on a night out, goes to work, does voluntary work in the community and sees his friends socially almost all of whom are in relationships with women they met in real life as opposed to on apps.