Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

The straight men I know in that age category are typically married to/ living with women they met in their late teens/ early twenties. At the younger end (25-30), a few are single. They're working, playing sport, probably on apps though I've never asked, and are nice, kind, good looking etc etc. Likely would use apps for casual relationships, but Def also would fall hard in love with the right young woman!

Probably has a spreadsheet and goes on about how great it is to drive a 2007 Honda Civic or Toyota Corolla whilst laughing at people who buy new cars on finance saying they should invest the difference

What the actual hell are you on about? You're just making stuff up about someone you don't know 😂

My ds would love to meet someone but I think just doesn’t know how to get past that friendship stage. He’s in his mid twenties.

There seems to be two groups of men out there, from what I’ve observed from my dc’s friendship groups. The first group always have a gf, and if they split up from one, are with someone else fairly quickly. The second lot seem to be petmently single, who although they’re decent young men, work hard, have hobbies etc, just can’t seem to get over that first hurdle.

What a strange post.
A young man who's made something of himself, is mature with a great sense of humour would make someone a lovely partner. Any girl looking for someone who goes to raves in his late 20s is probably not looking for husband material.

People look for partners who have similar interests and outlooks on life.

My sons are both a bit geeky, into science and sport and the women they live with are similar in that they are very sporty, well educated in professional careers.

Can younger people actually afford (financially) commitment these days.
Yes if they don't live in the south east.
Both of my sons bought houses in their 20s. One on his own at 24 the other with partner at 27. Modest houses but it's a start.

Love this post.

I've 3 boys late 20s,one is now married but they all want genuine long term relationships I just think everyone women included generally play around until they find the one. My boys comment on women cheating and being unreliable I believe it's 50/50

You may react like that, but he’s the one wondering why he can’t get anyone. Whilst having money to spend is extremely important, he comes across as the type who obsessively hoards wealth whilst probably going 50-50 on bills, and has never bought anyone a drink. Probably has a spreadsheet and goes on about how great it is to drive a 2007 Honda Civic or Toyota Corolla whilst laughing at people who buy new cars on finance saying they should invest the difference

Also, how many deep meaningful connections are established on Saturday morning at football or at the gym, compared to in a wine bar or at 3am at a rave. He needs to work on having less boring hobbies if he wants to have a decent connection with someone who’s half fun and cool

My son has a couple of degrees, works for one of the two leading universities and lives happily with his girlfriend. He enjoys cooking, a bit of DJing and this weekend has been climbing mountains in the Lakes.

My partner is 27 and there are eleven lads in his friend group. All of them, bar one, live with their girlfriends. A couple are engaged. The one single guy barely comes out and spends all guys time gaming and smoking weed.

Out of the eight men in my social group (I’ma bit older, my male friends are 32-37) every single one is married.

🙄

Maybe if he wasn’t so shallow, and boring to boot he would be able to find someone. But he’s too busy exploiting the housing crisis for his own greed, and no doubt doesn’t drink (let alone anything else) which rules outs huge number of interesting people and frankly more fulfilling relationships. Lol

My DS is 26, self employed tradesman, high earning, lives at home, an introvert, no GFs, he is straight , happy working and running. So he’ll not be available any time soon.🙂

And my point was the slew of press articles, politicians and policy makers, and medicos, all talking about women delaying having children - with the very clear subtext that these women were thoughtless or selfish or materialistic or career driven harpies.

That discourse still goes on 30 years later. Apparently educated and professional women are to blame for our dangerously low birth rates.

The decisions of men to delay having children are rarely, if ever, mentioned.

Mine are 23 & 25 both have girlfriends who they both met through work.

I’m 36, 37 in a weeks time. I’m single, always have been (although I’m a mother to twins, through a solo mother journey)
I have noticed there seems to be this carousel to finding partnerships. It’s like it comes around once, in your early to mid 20s and if you miss your opportunity to get on, you have to wait for it to come back around again.
My friends (male and female) are all married, all of them are parents. Most of them have been like that since mid-20s. But now that we’re all pushing 40, they’re hitting marital issues and there’s a lot of divorces happening around me. I’ve noticed the pattern. Not sure if it’s because at this age they’ve just got fed up with doing a decade and don’t want to do another one, or if it’s merely coincidence. But either way, the dating pool has opened up again. Only now, everyone in this age bracket is a divorcée, which means they’re more reserved and closed off for anything too serious (not interested in marriage or any more kids)
So, in a nutshell, it’s like there’s this 10 year span (late 20s to late 30s) where it’s hard to find genuine men who are still single and ready to commit, most of the men are either married by then and looking for an affair or single but married to their job. Then it comes about again later on, but people then come with baggage and the history of a previous life.

Of course this isn’t an absolute truth for all, but it’s a very common generalisation, which I’ve noticed.

My DS is delightful: kind, solvent, hard working and not bad looking. But a casual hook up ended very badly, several years ago, and he has refused to have anything to do with young women that he hasn't known since school/for a decade/ever since. I really worry that he will never trust a woman ever again. I know we are all concerned about female victims, but a man's reputation can be traduced too.

My oldest works from home so he doesn’t meet women at work, but he is sociable and always dating. He has a large male friendship group, some of whom he has known since school. He usually meets women via the group’s wider social circle, or he has been known to ask for the number of girls he has seen at the supermarket, or park! He is looking to settle down but is still finding the right person.

My younger is more introverted, with a mature outlook. Works in a male dominated profession so doesn’t meet women at work. Doesn’t do hobbies that appeal to women and doesn’t seem as interested in dating. Girls find him attractive but he’s really focused on his career and getting on the housing ladder. I worry a little about him.

It's more the weird connotation that virginity is some valued, sacred thing to be saved for 'the one'. If i met a man who was saving himself I'd think he was either very, very religious or had weird hang ups about sex neither of which are ideal because both would mean he'd not have clue in bed.

My partner of 11 years is upstairs sorting his Pokémon collection also…

agree with lots of others that most are already in relationships

I met my DP through school

My Ds is 30, builder, owns own house , partner and baby.
my dd 24 wants a long term relationship but god she has been put through it, they promise the earth then several months later, they decide to travel, change areas, she doesn’t do one night hook ups, as she says wasting her time, all the talking stage, meet up

Are your daughter and friends interesting? Funny? Care free? Or are they presenting themselves in a way that screams ‘trying to find love’, because that’s enough to make anyone except the nobbers out for a shag runaway. Your daughter is 26. I honestly find the seriousness and desperation of her already talking about freezing her eggs so silly. She needs to meet men having an open mind, a view to be friends and if anything comes after that then great, but meeting men to ‘find love’ gives off unnecessary desperation vibes.

Well, seems my DS26 is in the minority. For socialising he tends to meet his (usually but not exclusively male) friends, usually in the pub, or he's chatting to them while they're gaming.
He's not on dating apps ...that I know of.
I think he feels at the moment that the dating scene is too much like hard work. He's enjoying doing what he wants, when he wants and I don't think he's ready to compromise on that yet. He does seems to expect and want to marry and have a family at some point, but hasn't voiced any thoughts on how he might get there.
He is genuinely a lovely young man that would treat any woman well.
It's a tricky subject to broach with him ever since I put a Grow-your-own-girlfriend joke in his Christmas stocking though!

Can younger people actually afford (financially) commitment these days.

That’s terrible. I’m pretty sure the ex would have known this long before they married and therefore should have been truthful from the start and not wasted your DS’s time.

That was very selfish behaviour.

And 35? What are you talking about? When my father was 35 he had a house, a business, and two children?