Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

The thing is, just because a woman is ‘good, beautiful, smart, professional with family values’ that doesn’t mean she’s automatically going to be entitled to a long term relationship with the first man she meets. She could all those things, but also an unappealing girlfriend.

If a woman says “I’ve been dating a man for a few weeks. He’s smart, good-looking, great job, wants a family - but I just don’t feel a spark. He’s a bit clingy, I’m not sure we have enough interests in common, we have different attitudes to money, and he’s a bit rubbish in bed to be honest. Should I dump him?” everyone would rightly say “Yes, he’s not the one for you”. But when your daughter and her friends get dumped you’re assuming the men are “making up some story about why it wouldn’t work”.

I’m sure your daughter’s perfectly nice but if she’s talking about egg freezing at 26 and her mates are the sort of people who would remain a virgin to save themselves for ‘the one’, they sound pretty intense to me. I would be put off by a man who was like that, no matter how smart and professional he was.

I have 3 sons in this age bracket. They and all their friends are in long term relationships mostly with girls they were at uni or school with.

A generalisation but single women their age are amazing whereas the single boys are twats the girls aren’t interested in ☹️

Mine of the same age is in a relationship with a girl he met at uni and they live together.

I have DD’s and a dsd all mid 20’s and are in serious relationships with men a similar age, I think the settling down type have already found people by mid 20’s

Two sons, two nephews in your age bracket - all living and working away from home. All nerdy Warhammer boys. Three have long term partners, one is a few months in with a new girlfriend after his university relationship broke up. One met his partner at a LARP event, one at work, one on Discord while gaming and one at a metal gig.
I think the takeaway moral is don't overthink things, live your life, do things you enjoy and someone will turn up eventually!

I have 2 in this age group

One has just bought a house with his lovely girlfriend who he met online about 4 years ago.

The other had a one night stand about 7 years ago, this resulted in a beautiful granddaughter who he has from school every Friday to Sunday teatime. He has a good relationship with the mum but says he's not looking for a relationship as he wouldn't be available to go out on weekends as he's with his daughter.

Of 3 nephews in mid-to-late-20s, one is married and expecting his second kid, one has a serious girlfriend and the third is single but very shy and also ND.

They all met their partners through friends and socialising. No apps as far as I know.

I'm in my 50s and the same conversations were being held then - it was the Bridget Jones Diary era after all. I'm sorry to be cliched but your DD and her friends shouldn't be 'looking for love' - they should be meeting and dating as wide a range of men as possible and seeking every social opportunity, making friends and going out. You only need one 'love' but you have to sort through a lot of possibilities first.

Freezing your eggs at 26 is laughable unless there are medical issues.

DS 24,DN 26, DN 30

DN 30 living with girlfriend of 3 years, met at work. I think will wed within a couple of years.

DS 24 and DN 26 are in flat shares with other male friends, working very hard in their first/second jobs, playing a lot of sport, holidaying in groups with Uni friends (M+F).

Both DS and DN 26 had their Uni years mucked about by Covid, and both had quite intense Uni relationships with girls they were locked down with in halls, which then fell apart.

Of their mid 20s friends, the only ones in relationships seems to be the boys still in their Uni relationship or (in one case) still with girlfriend from 6th form.

I think this is true for a large number of men in their 20s/early 30s.

I’m early 40s, but when we we were in our mid-thirties, all my husband’s friends had married women they had met at uni, or from our local area. No one is with anyone they met on an app.

My nephew is 26 but still a student and living at home. He's ND and young for his age. He would like a girlfriend though, but honestly he's more like late teens in how he comes across. He's a very nice person but whoever he winds up with will need to tolerate a bit of monologuing about specific interests.

What is wrong with wanting the first time to be special?

Unfortunately, the prevalence of online porn coupled with a ‘post ladette we can walk around with our arses and tits out and YOU are the odd one if you think that’s not right’ attitude from young women mean there is genuinely very little respect between the sexes now.

My son is 27.

He's a graduate with a good job in 'something to do with computers' and programming.

His experience of dating apps was as dire as any of the women's experiences I've read and not dissimilar!

He's never in the gym but does exercise (quite outdoorsy), he goes to a writing group, various music events, he volunteers with a food bank/outreach charity, he travels. He has his own place.

He's met a woman the same age as him who shares his interests in medieval history and literature. He is in a settled relationship with her.

My son is late 20’s, has his own house, works offshore, has a lovely girlfriend. He’s either working, with GF, doing up his house or at the gym. All normal stuff.

I have a DS in this age range.

he is in London and wondering where all the girls in his age range are.

he’s a musician which might well put some off (not well paid). He’s generally at obscure jazz gigs, the Barbican, or the London Buddhist centre. Can also be spotted at Park runs.

he’s been on the apps but found them tricky.

My son is only 13 but I have a brother in that age bracket. He's a single Dad and has pretty much now walked away from dating since his relationship with the mother of his son broke down. He's had one or two short term girlfriends since her but not for a few years now and he says dating is a minefield today, and he doesn't want a blended family in his house and he is just happy being a Dad. He has a decent job, owns his home, and plays sports with his friends in his spare time when his boy is not around.

This thread really brought out the smuggos 🤣

Similar to @EverardDeTroyes
They're keen to meet someone but I think they're scared of serious relationships. Life is probably a bit too comfortable for them as they are. Both have previously been in relationships, one quite serious but he chose to end things as he knew she wasn't 'the one'. Their 'type' would be family-oriented, home-loving and fairly introverted (they're not into drinking, clubbing, hook-ups etc)
Their hobbies don't seem to lead to meeting women (swimming, running, climbing, gaming including board games). I slightly despair of them finding happiness 🙁

My son who is 23 can't find a girlfriend! He is in a good steady career progressing job working FT. He lives in his own flat, got his own car. He is talk and quite good looking. A bit overweight but goes to the gym 3 times a week. He is genuinely the nicest person and would never hurt or upset anyone. He is very emotionally mature.

The problem: He is, and admit, to be quite picky. He likes genuine, natural looking and emotionally mature women. He is shy and feels very awkward meeting new people, especially women. He is worried of saying something that will offend them and would then feel terrible. He is not interested in just going on dates or whatever it is called now, but would prefer to meet someone and get the chance to know them first. Sadly, he works with much older colleagues and says people don't really chat at the gym. He doesn't get much the chance to meet new people outside of work and gym.

Plenty of mumsnetters will also have partners or husbands in this age catergory

I work with 3 guys in this age bracket.

1. is recently single, so picking up his social life with mates. Not looking for a woman currently. He's smart and good looking tho. Will get snapped up when he's ready to move on.
2. all loved up, still living with his parents. Decent guy.
3. a bloody liability. Out drinking most nights, just about holding onto his job, because what he does is brill, he just doesn't have a clue about knuckling down.

Honestly, OP, I don’t think any of the 26 year old men I know would be that attracted to women their age who just wanted to ‘find love’ and were thinking about freezing their eggs. Some people meet at university, absolutely, but I don’t think the ones who didn’t are generally looking to settle down and have babies at this stage.

Of the 20something and early 30something guys I know, a couple are married with children, one has arranged his life around training for and competing in endurance events and is at peace with it being incompatible with a relationship, one is totally dedicated to his City job and says he doesn’t have time for anything serious, one is a medical student (ditto), and one is living his best life, divided between guiding in the Alps in winter and living on a houseboat in the Netherlands in summer, and isn’t interested in compromising that for a relationship.

Is your DD still living at home? What about suggesting she broadens her horizons a bit?

My DS is 25 and would probably be considered very eligible for reasons I won’t boast about 🤣

He has a girlfriend he’s absolutely crazy about and treats her very well. He has barely spent more than a few weeks without a girlfriend since turning sixteen. Four long term serious relationships.

Every single one of them was a friend before they started dating, if that helps? I don’t think he’s ever been on Hinge or anything.

DD, 28, has exactly the same issues as OP mentions…

Son (31) married girl he's been going out with since he was 15 last year. The last 3 years and next 2 are mainly booked with weddings of friends who have been in long term relationships. Sorry, that doesn't help...

Me as DH are 26 and 27, got married very early. I knew as soon as I met him I wanted to lock that down asap because a lot of other men were genuinely mining. My sample was skewed though as we were both working for Wetherspoons so there’s a disproportionate amount of coke heads and alcoholics. Most of the other people we know who got married young got married when they didn’t have great jobs, they met at work and built together.