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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

362 replies

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 13:30

I get up at 6.30 and get breakfast and stuff for DC to leave at 7.30 (High school), their alarm goes at 6.30 too and rarely they do saunter in if the door were unlocked- but even otherwise the rooms are all close by and they would be up and about and this is more embarrassing now that they are grown and would easily have guessed.

Found it disgusting and a turn off and annoyed with H

Especially as he knew I would have been willing after they had left for a lie in as we both wfh and have the whole place to ourselves and full privacy till late evening when they are back.

Is this a fetish that emerges in couples in 40s and 50s to pounce and try it on at inappropriate times? Does it keep men from getting bored to be risque than safe.

Not having it.

OP posts:
BoogieTownTop · 27/03/2026 16:51

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 16:47

I absolutely do have sex with him once every few days in the mornings after kids left / way before they wake up/late at night/afternoon lunch time

Nowhere as flexible or agile I was 20 years ago, and sometimes it is not physical attraction anymore but more remembered good times, affection and wanting to please him or comforting him when he's down about something, and this seems to be the way he likes comforting or any intimacy best.

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You have sex with him, makes it sound like you’re servicing him. Do you enjoy it? Sounds like a duty fuck.

JustAnotherWhinger · 27/03/2026 16:51

I think this is one of those things that in a happy, secure, relationship you’d have said “later…” and he’d have responded similarly. You’d have both been kind, possibly even playful.

But in a bad relationship it’s so different. What is horny and fun in a good relationship can seem crude and insulting in a bad one. What’s flattering and sexy in a good relationship seems selfish and grimy in a bad relationship.

When you’re in a bad place you’re always assuming the worst of intentions, so you have the worst of reactions.

it’s not a healthy, or nice, place for either of you to be

Miketymokety · 27/03/2026 16:51

I think posters have been rather harsh on you, Op and the first replies set the tone. The AIBU score gives a different story in any case. You say you have an hour to get kids ready, he insists on you making breakfast etc, but wants to delay you, just as the kids are getting up. They obviously would likely be aware of what's happening in that case, and I agree, that's not sexy! It would be very odd to get turned on in that scenario. A previous post garnered lots of horror and support, due to a dad having noisy sex with his new girlfriend with kids in the house. Nearly everyone agreed it was grim and fetsistic/a safeguarding issue. Yes, teenagers know about sex, but probably dont really want to hear their parents at it. You have the whole day, so of course he can wait, and it sounds that although it made you uncomfortable, you didn't call him a pervert to his face and in fact gave him a cuddle! Totally get why it made you uncomfortable, especially if he's being grumpy and difficult in general. The main takeaway is that you shouldn't feel the need to get kids breakfast etc at their age, particularly at the insistence of your husband, but I understand if you want to be with them at breakfast to talk and to see them off.

SardinesOnButteredToast · 27/03/2026 16:50

FarmGirl78 · 27/03/2026 13:54

I'm laughing to myself thinking about how fetish clubs might create a service that caters for this unnatural fetish of wanting to have sex with your spouse when you're both awake and in bed at the same time.

Lol.

I'm so perimenopausal that the mere idea of sex right now could make me weep with fatigue, be it morning, noon, or night. I'd rather lick my own foot.

BoogieTownTop · 27/03/2026 16:50

ImmortalSnowman · 27/03/2026 16:48

Bring on the cheek swabs!

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Brilliant! 🤩

BudgetBuster · 27/03/2026 16:49

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:12

Fetish as in I meant like = stay out, I am not opening the door to your knock, asking for breakfast as I am in bed with your mother - she's my wife before she is your mum , and I am the alpha male of the house BS.

Maybe I did overreact. I asked him if he wanted lunch after seeing all your responses

Do you know what a fetish is? Because that's not one 😂

Also... tell your 15 and 17 year olds to.get their own fucking breakfast.

ImmortalSnowman · 27/03/2026 16:48

BoogieTownTop · 27/03/2026 16:18

Typical reaction on MN, AIBU, yes you are! Then you must be a man!

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Bring on the cheek swabs!

Tontostitis · 27/03/2026 16:47

Who cares if they guess blush and be awkward they should never come into your bedroom without knocking and if you're quick and careful shouldn't even hear you. And if they do they can turn music on or go downstairs And teen sons don't need you to make them breakfast Sex isn't some sordid nasty deed it's a normal healthy part of life.

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 16:47

RedWineCupcakes · 27/03/2026 16:43

If you had said hey, the kids are
about to get up, lets come back to bed in an hour, would you actually have done it? Or would it be an empty promise?
Do you ever respond immediately and with enthusiasm?

It is not a fetish or deviant behaviour to want to have morning sex, so I am not surprised if he acted with defensiveness and hurt. It is also not wrong to kindly say not right now.

I absolutely do have sex with him once every few days in the mornings after kids left / way before they wake up/late at night/afternoon lunch time

Nowhere as flexible or agile I was 20 years ago, and sometimes it is not physical attraction anymore but more remembered good times, affection and wanting to please him or comforting him when he's down about something, and this seems to be the way he likes comforting or any intimacy best.

OP posts:
Rokabe · 27/03/2026 16:43

Very soon it’s going to be just you and him in the house. How do you feel when you imagine that?

RedWineCupcakes · 27/03/2026 16:43

If you had said hey, the kids are
about to get up, lets come back to bed in an hour, would you actually have done it? Or would it be an empty promise?
Do you ever respond immediately and with enthusiasm?

It is not a fetish or deviant behaviour to want to have morning sex, so I am not surprised if he acted with defensiveness and hurt. It is also not wrong to kindly say not right now.

Rokabe · 27/03/2026 16:42

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 16:38

Yes I love him unfortunately

No I do not think he loves me even a bit

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Why do you think he doesn’t love you?

but moreover… why you do love a constantly grumpy, moody, verbally abusive, withdrawn and thoughtless man? That you even recognise as being abusive to you?

Do you have friends in real life? Good ones?

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 16:41

Yes, DS are his , ours

OP posts:
ValidPistachio · 27/03/2026 16:40

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 16:36

Will it not stay for an hour till kids leave or come back later?

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Of course. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with striking while the iron is hot.

harriethoyle · 27/03/2026 16:39

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:12

Fetish as in I meant like = stay out, I am not opening the door to your knock, asking for breakfast as I am in bed with your mother - she's my wife before she is your mum , and I am the alpha male of the house BS.

Maybe I did overreact. I asked him if he wanted lunch after seeing all your responses

Jesus, I hope you stretched before that reach...

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 16:38

Rokabe · 27/03/2026 16:36

Two questions

Do you love him?
Do you feel he loves you?

Yes I love him unfortunately

No I do not think he loves me even a bit

OP posts:
Rokabe · 27/03/2026 16:36

Two questions

Do you love him?
Do you feel he loves you?

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 16:36

ValidPistachio · 27/03/2026 16:22

And why not? That's literally what it's there for.

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Will it not stay for an hour till kids leave or come back later?

OP posts:
Bloodyboiling · 27/03/2026 16:35

The bit that shocks me is that you are still getting up to make breakfast for 15 and 17 year olds. Is there any age you'll expect them to do this themselves?

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 16:35

BoogieTownTop · 27/03/2026 16:22

Christ so bloody deep, he wanted sex OP said no, that’s it!

OP calling it a “fetish” has seriously derailed this thread!

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I thought @thepariscrimefiles is spot on, but wanted to see what an objective person would think just on this morning situation

Its not a given I see

OP posts:
PinterandPirandello · 27/03/2026 16:23

I think he’s being unreasonable- he could have waited and not fair to have a moan at you about it either.

ValidPistachio · 27/03/2026 16:22

Easterbunnyishotandcross · 27/03/2026 16:19

Could he be trying to take advantage of Morning Wood?

And why not? That's literally what it's there for.

BoogieTownTop · 27/03/2026 16:22

thepariscrimefiles · 27/03/2026 16:15

I also think he is one of those men who see their almost adult sons as a threat to their authority and as rivals for the affection of their mother. Keeping you busy in the bedroom so you aren't downstairs making their breakfast and making it obvious what you two are doing is like him marking his territory.

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Christ so bloody deep, he wanted sex OP said no, that’s it!

OP calling it a “fetish” has seriously derailed this thread!

Easterbunnyishotandcross · 27/03/2026 16:19

Could he be trying to take advantage of Morning Wood?

Rokabe · 27/03/2026 16:19

You sound so unhappy
This just can’t be a happy home anyone in the family

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