Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

362 replies

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 13:30

I get up at 6.30 and get breakfast and stuff for DC to leave at 7.30 (High school), their alarm goes at 6.30 too and rarely they do saunter in if the door were unlocked- but even otherwise the rooms are all close by and they would be up and about and this is more embarrassing now that they are grown and would easily have guessed.

Found it disgusting and a turn off and annoyed with H

Especially as he knew I would have been willing after they had left for a lie in as we both wfh and have the whole place to ourselves and full privacy till late evening when they are back.

Is this a fetish that emerges in couples in 40s and 50s to pounce and try it on at inappropriate times? Does it keep men from getting bored to be risque than safe.

Not having it.

OP posts:
Satarn · 27/03/2026 14:10

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:08

were there teens getting ready for school nearby ? like why not wait half hour?

Show quote history

Did you say hey lets wait a half hour let the teens get out first.
I recommend a lock for your door as teens should not be walking in to your room without knocking.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 27/03/2026 14:10

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:01

but the incident on it's own appears to have been deemed as me being unreasonable not him

Show quote history

Why can't you get a lock on your door?

Without a lock then I do not think that you are being unreasonable because you wouldn't want them just walking into your room.

Your kids will know about sex if they are in high school so it is normal to expect their parents to have sex

FestiveDiscoBall · 27/03/2026 14:09

Anyone can refuse sex for any reason, that goes without saying.

Although I don't think it's reasonable to refer to wanting to have sex with your spouse in the morning as a fetish.

There is obviously a hell of a lot more at play here.

iamtryingtobecivil · 27/03/2026 14:08

It’s simple - you can deny consent anytime.

BruFord · 27/03/2026 14:08

I wouldn’t be interested in sex if teenagers are getting up…my DS (17) would burst in if he couldn’t find his gym shorts, a book, etc. He’s generally good at knocking but not when he’s getting ready for school!

it’s not a fetish though, he’s just interested.

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:08

Satarn · 27/03/2026 14:06

Lets all wait for a dip feed on how hes abusive or something else along the lines.
Its well known on MN when the OP cant get anyone to agree with them, they seem to come back with some made up BS.

I use to have sex in the mornings with an ex because we had different work times and i just want to sleep at night.
Not a fetish if i said no that was that no drama.

were there teens getting ready for school nearby ? like why not wait half hour?

OP posts:
TMFF · 27/03/2026 14:07

DorisTheFinkasaurus · 27/03/2026 14:04

I feel like the odd one out here, OP, and honestly, I can't believe the team DHs on this one. But sex in a house full of teens getting ready in the morning is not how I want to reach orgasm. Call us both crazy. I'm with you all the way, OP.

No-one thinks the OP is crazy for not wanting morning sex 😳

You're massively missing the whole 'fetish' thing, which is fairly crazy.

He wanted sex.

She didn't.

No fetish involved.

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:07

DorisTheFinkasaurus · 27/03/2026 14:04

I feel like the odd one out here, OP, and honestly, I can't believe the team DHs on this one. But sex in a house full of teens getting ready in the morning is not how I want to reach orgasm. Call us both crazy. I'm with you all the way, OP.

Right?? Lol

OP posts:
Smithy5454 · 27/03/2026 14:06

Not unreasonable to decline sex... but you're sounding pretty unreasonable about the situation, it's quite normal!

Satarn · 27/03/2026 14:06

Lets all wait for a dip feed on how hes abusive or something else along the lines.
Its well known on MN when the OP cant get anyone to agree with them, they seem to come back with some made up BS.

I use to have sex in the mornings with an ex because we had different work times and i just want to sleep at night.
Not a fetish if i said no that was that no drama.

Xiaoxiong · 27/03/2026 14:06

It's all about how you communicated with him. If this was my DH, I would make a quip of saying like, sounds like we're going to have some fun when the kids leave in half an hour, with a wink and then all would have been well. If you pushed him off saying "don't be an idiot, the kids are next door, is this some kind of weird fetish" then that's a total rejection and I'm not surprised if he took it badly!

DalmationalAnthem · 27/03/2026 14:05

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:01

but the incident on it's own appears to have been deemed as me being unreasonable not him

Show quote history

It's not really something to focus on, it's fine to want to have sex, it's fine to not want sex.

If a teenager guess their parents have sex-whats bad about that?

DorisTheFinkasaurus · 27/03/2026 14:04

I feel like the odd one out here, OP, and honestly, I can't believe the team DHs on this one. But sex in a house full of teens getting ready in the morning is not how I want to reach orgasm. Call us both crazy. I'm with you all the way, OP.

Gloriia · 27/03/2026 14:04

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:01

So in this situation, I was wrong then and not him....okay then

No you weren't wrong not to want sex, neither was he though

Your reaction seems ott and very hostile.

Gloriia · 27/03/2026 14:02

FarmGirl78 · 27/03/2026 13:54

I'm laughing to myself thinking about how fetish clubs might create a service that caters for this unnatural fetish of wanting to have sex with your spouse when you're both awake and in bed at the same time.

Grin
Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:01

DalmationalAnthem · 27/03/2026 14:00

OP I thought it sounded like you really don't like the man from your OP, but that is fully justified, seeing your other thread.

You can choose a happy life and plan your future, free of this man.

Show quote history

but the incident on it's own appears to have been deemed as me being unreasonable not him

OP posts:
Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:01

So in this situation, I was wrong then and not him....okay then

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 27/03/2026 14:01

Oh Christ! Just tell him you think he's a pervert and you absolutely do not desire sex with him.
How extreme 😢.

DalmationalAnthem · 27/03/2026 14:00

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/03/2026 13:47

OP, you have a long thread currently running about your relationship with your husband who you describe as grumpy and always unhappy, and now this thread. Your marriage is over. Neither of you love or even really like each other.

OP I thought it sounded like you really don't like the man from your OP, but that is fully justified, seeing your other thread.

You can choose a happy life and plan your future, free of this man.

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:00

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/03/2026 13:47

OP, you have a long thread currently running about your relationship with your husband who you describe as grumpy and always unhappy, and now this thread. Your marriage is over. Neither of you love or even really like each other.

I wanted ppl to weigh in on this morning incident on it's own ...without the background,,,,thanks

SO lots of ppl find it normal morning sex when kids are awake and about then and might be knocking on the door and guessing .....okay then

He did get defensive , sulky and angry but only when I asked if this was a new fetish angrily to not wait till they had left.

OP posts:
Notmyreality · 27/03/2026 13:59

Team DH

Shinyandnew1 · 27/03/2026 13:58

Why would sex with the person I presume you love be disgusting? Do you think he has a fetish?

This seems a very extreme reaction.

FarmGirl78 · 27/03/2026 13:54

I'm laughing to myself thinking about how fetish clubs might create a service that caters for this unnatural fetish of wanting to have sex with your spouse when you're both awake and in bed at the same time.

UniquePinkSwan · 27/03/2026 13:48

It’s hardly a fetish to wanting the morning. I only ever do it in the morning as we go to bed at different times. Oh and my DS is 18. I’m not going celibate because he’s grown up

DalmationalAnthem · 27/03/2026 13:48

Hobnobswantshernameback · 27/03/2026 13:38

I'm sure lots of people will be along in a sec to tell you their stories about their early morning sex experiences OP

😆