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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

362 replies

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 13:30

I get up at 6.30 and get breakfast and stuff for DC to leave at 7.30 (High school), their alarm goes at 6.30 too and rarely they do saunter in if the door were unlocked- but even otherwise the rooms are all close by and they would be up and about and this is more embarrassing now that they are grown and would easily have guessed.

Found it disgusting and a turn off and annoyed with H

Especially as he knew I would have been willing after they had left for a lie in as we both wfh and have the whole place to ourselves and full privacy till late evening when they are back.

Is this a fetish that emerges in couples in 40s and 50s to pounce and try it on at inappropriate times? Does it keep men from getting bored to be risque than safe.

Not having it.

OP posts:
FrostyPalms · 27/03/2026 14:21

Your original question was were you unreasonable to refuse, and of course the answer is no. You can refuse at any time for any (or no) reason, and hopefully he accepts that.

But, no, your husband isn't weird or a deviant for wanting to have sex with his wife.

ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 27/03/2026 14:20

YANBU to say no to sex.

YABU to accuse him of having a fetish or to be angry at him for asking.

HIBU if he's sulking because you turned him down for sex.
HINBU if he is upset by your reaction, and your ridiculous accusations of him having a fetish.

Arlanymor · 27/03/2026 14:19

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:00

I wanted ppl to weigh in on this morning incident on it's own ...without the background,,,,thanks

SO lots of ppl find it normal morning sex when kids are awake and about then and might be knocking on the door and guessing .....okay then

He did get defensive , sulky and angry but only when I asked if this was a new fetish angrily to not wait till they had left.

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The background matters because this is a symptom of a decaying marriage.

Gloriia · 27/03/2026 14:19

TMFF · 27/03/2026 14:15

Blimey

He just wanted a bit of morning sex, I don't imagine for a second his mind went to anything like the places yours has.

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I know it's all a bit extreme the over analysing and thinking he was being 'alpha'.

Sounds like he's been shamed enough to try that one again. Maybe next time he'll have a quick wank once she's up and out of the way?

Marmite27 · 27/03/2026 14:19

I would have said no in these circumstances, however the way you describe his advances is unreasonable IMO.

ohyesido · 27/03/2026 14:19

Namechangerage · 27/03/2026 14:14

I am 100% with you OP!! Why, if you can both just wait an hour, would you not want to do it without hearing your teenagers banging around and most likely shouting “muuuum where’s my…..”.

utter weirdoes!

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Not implying that our spouses are creepy deviants for trying it on in the privacy of our own bedrooms doesn’t make us weird, Miss Priss

FrostyPalms · 27/03/2026 14:18

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:17

they genuinely do forget sometimes that 'old people' still have sex

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It's nothing to do with sex. They should have been taught that you don't enter a closed room!

TMFF · 27/03/2026 14:18

Namechangerage · 27/03/2026 14:17

But I do find it quite odd behaviour. If it was 6am and they woke up early sure. But right at the time the whole house is about to go into getting ready mode? What perfect teens do you know that won’t be shouting “mum where’s my” and need help shoving them out the door?

Doesn’t really sound sex-inducing environment to me 😅

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Yeah but it's still no a fetish, is it?

NameChange0101010101 · 27/03/2026 14:18

Why do one of you have to be 'wrong', why is this all so loaded?

Just communicate.

gamerchick · 27/03/2026 14:18

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:12

Fetish as in I meant like = stay out, I am not opening the door to your knock, asking for breakfast as I am in bed with your mother - she's my wife before she is your mum , and I am the alpha male of the house BS.

Maybe I did overreact. I asked him if he wanted lunch after seeing all your responses

Still a weird take OP.

You know your kids probably know all about sex now anyway, don't you. Get a lock for the door.

Namechangerage · 27/03/2026 14:17

OsmanthusRose · 27/03/2026 14:12

Like you and the OP I probably wouldn't want sex at that time either. As many many posters have said, she is not wrong to not want sex. What is wrong is telling her husband it is a fetish and implying it is a perversion.

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But I do find it quite odd behaviour. If it was 6am and they woke up early sure. But right at the time the whole house is about to go into getting ready mode? What perfect teens do you know that won’t be shouting “mum where’s my” and need help shoving them out the door?

Doesn’t really sound sex-inducing environment to me 😅

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:17

FrostyPalms · 27/03/2026 14:11

Has your husband never wanted sex in the morning before? What makes this so unusual?

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with him wanting it as long as he takes no for an answer. And there would be nothing wrong with you saying yes or no. Obviously if your kids are close by you would want to be quiet about it, but there's nothing inherently wrong with having sex with your husband first thing in the morning!

Are you seriously worried that your teenaged kids might walk into your room when the door is closed? If so, you obviously haven't trained them right! When my kids were young we taught them never to walk into a closed room but to knock and wait for a response. When they were young we would lock the door just in case, but once they were older there was no need for that.

they genuinely do forget sometimes that 'old people' still have sex

OP posts:
ohyesido · 27/03/2026 14:16

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:01

So in this situation, I was wrong then and not him....okay then

No…but that’s a very petulant reaction.

Mulledjuice · 27/03/2026 14:16

NameChange0101010101 · 27/03/2026 13:35

Its never 'unreasonable' to refuse sex with anyone if you don't want it.

Its pretty unreasonable to accuse him of developing a fetish, just because he woke up horny and thought you might be up for a quickie. Its also unreasonable to describe this as 'disgusting'. So what if the kids 'guessed' what you'd been up to? How do they think they came into being?

Is there a backstory here?

1st post nails it (unlike the OP's DH)

TMFF · 27/03/2026 14:15

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:12

Fetish as in I meant like = stay out, I am not opening the door to your knock, asking for breakfast as I am in bed with your mother - she's my wife before she is your mum , and I am the alpha male of the house BS.

Maybe I did overreact. I asked him if he wanted lunch after seeing all your responses

Blimey

He just wanted a bit of morning sex, I don't imagine for a second his mind went to anything like the places yours has.

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:15

Teen sons.....

OP posts:
JeepersItsTheKraken · 27/03/2026 14:15

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:12

Fetish as in I meant like = stay out, I am not opening the door to your knock, asking for breakfast as I am in bed with your mother - she's my wife before she is your mum , and I am the alpha male of the house BS.

Maybe I did overreact. I asked him if he wanted lunch after seeing all your responses

Does he have these kinds of alpha male beliefs? If so, that would also be a massive turn off for me

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:14

FrostyPalms · 27/03/2026 14:11

Has your husband never wanted sex in the morning before? What makes this so unusual?

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with him wanting it as long as he takes no for an answer. And there would be nothing wrong with you saying yes or no. Obviously if your kids are close by you would want to be quiet about it, but there's nothing inherently wrong with having sex with your husband first thing in the morning!

Are you seriously worried that your teenaged kids might walk into your room when the door is closed? If so, you obviously haven't trained them right! When my kids were young we taught them never to walk into a closed room but to knock and wait for a response. When they were young we would lock the door just in case, but once they were older there was no need for that.

Yes when the kids were younger it was fine, as even if they knocked and were turned away, they would not guess and blush and be awkward (and disgusted looking)

Or yes, its fine in the mornings if 4am , 5am before they wake

or yes its fine in the mornings if kids are sleeping in on sat and sun

yes totally fine 24/7 before we had kids the first 6 whole years

flimsy door, flimsy chain to lock it, very obvious reason, sound audible , I dont get it

OP posts:
Namechangerage · 27/03/2026 14:14

NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:10

I dont know hard to say, they are 15-17 and , I do hope they wait till they are 18 plus and at uni at the very least before having sex , and with someone they are in a good relationship with yada yada

but we cant wait 30 mins till they are out the door? really it's that urgent after 25 years of doing it? I still don't get it, I own the YABU though.

Show quote history

I am 100% with you OP!! Why, if you can both just wait an hour, would you not want to do it without hearing your teenagers banging around and most likely shouting “muuuum where’s my…..”.

utter weirdoes!

RandomMess · 27/03/2026 14:13

No I wouldn’t be interested when the teens were at home when for the sake of 30 minutes they’d be out the house.

To be so angry is unreasonable. Him sulking is also unreasonable.

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:12

Fetish as in I meant like = stay out, I am not opening the door to your knock, asking for breakfast as I am in bed with your mother - she's my wife before she is your mum , and I am the alpha male of the house BS.

Maybe I did overreact. I asked him if he wanted lunch after seeing all your responses

OP posts:
OsmanthusRose · 27/03/2026 14:12

DorisTheFinkasaurus · 27/03/2026 14:04

I feel like the odd one out here, OP, and honestly, I can't believe the team DHs on this one. But sex in a house full of teens getting ready in the morning is not how I want to reach orgasm. Call us both crazy. I'm with you all the way, OP.

Like you and the OP I probably wouldn't want sex at that time either. As many many posters have said, she is not wrong to not want sex. What is wrong is telling her husband it is a fetish and implying it is a perversion.

FrostyPalms · 27/03/2026 14:11

Has your husband never wanted sex in the morning before? What makes this so unusual?

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with him wanting it as long as he takes no for an answer. And there would be nothing wrong with you saying yes or no. Obviously if your kids are close by you would want to be quiet about it, but there's nothing inherently wrong with having sex with your husband first thing in the morning!

Are you seriously worried that your teenaged kids might walk into your room when the door is closed? If so, you obviously haven't trained them right! When my kids were young we taught them never to walk into a closed room but to knock and wait for a response. When they were young we would lock the door just in case, but once they were older there was no need for that.

gamerchick · 27/03/2026 14:11

He woke up with the horn OP, that's it. You pretty much insulted him for it.

You just say let's get the kids off first. Then get in with your day.

Original poster
NobodysGirl · 27/03/2026 14:10

DalmationalAnthem · 27/03/2026 14:05

It's not really something to focus on, it's fine to want to have sex, it's fine to not want sex.

If a teenager guess their parents have sex-whats bad about that?

Show quote history

I dont know hard to say, they are 15-17 and , I do hope they wait till they are 18 plus and at uni at the very least before having sex , and with someone they are in a good relationship with yada yada

but we cant wait 30 mins till they are out the door? really it's that urgent after 25 years of doing it? I still don't get it, I own the YABU though.

OP posts:
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