To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

....and I expect that's what you said, in a loving, flirty and come-hither-but-not-immediately sort of way.

As opposed, "Ew, get off, you perv. Is this some kind of new fetish? You're disgusting."

...er...for example.

I think you are perfectly ok to refuse but it is also natural for your DH to also want to.... the issue with the teenagers in the house I do get but OP I think your post is either badly worded/explained or like other PP have said you just don't like your DH and you don't want sex with him regardless of teenagers being around. You were wrong to make him feel like their was something wrong with him for wanting sex with his wife.

With kindness, this is bonkers.

He fancied a morning quickie, you didn’t and declined. It’s really not a big deal. It does sound like the two of you need a conversation (not about scheduling sex).

My DH text me at 530 this morning while I was in the gym and asked if I’d like to ride him. I didn’t bother to answer him because I was too busy running out of the gym and up the stairs. Is this a fetish?

Are you not aware that sometimes men just wake up with an erection?

So what terrible thing has he done that you have not mentioned here that would turn the context over?

If that's what happened that would be a no from me as well.
I get what you mean by calling it a fetish, I think because something about it seems off.

I would not like to be objectified and thought of in that way, especially as I feel like in a nother first and definitely not someone's property.

It feels very demeaning on purpose.

Are the DCs his? It is weirdly competitive and definitely ick inducing!

Btw even without that update I agree with your op, I couldn't relax enough in the mornings, I could be called on snd need to get up and doing things, let alone teens hearing.

Of course context is everything! I was answering your question from my own perspective. That of a happily married woman with grown kids who enjoys having sex with her loving husband but isn't always up for it!

Trying it on with his DW is not automatically asserting ownership over her! Behave

😂

Except.. her day begins at 6:30 - so what he was actually doing was trying to assert his ownership of her over the children's needs - which forgets that if she has a 15 minute quickie now, she's 15 minutes behind on everything she normally does that morning. It is a dominance thing.

My ex used to do that - he'd literally come to bed at 11:30, or try to stop me getting up at 6am, knowing that I was asleep by 10:30 because I'd be up at 6 the next morning with the kids (he wouldn't get up until I was on the way out the door with them at 8) - he'd wake me up for sex, and wonder why I wasn't happy about being woken up (not least because he would fall asleep straight after, leaving me to clean up).

I'd suggest him coming up earlier, or that we spend time together once I was back from the school run, but he only wanted it on his terms.

It was an act of domination, that he got first dibs on my time, and also a complete lack of care that I also needed sleep because he didn't do anything with the kids.

It's never unreasonable to decline sex for any reason, but your language is pretty revealing. "Disgusting"? "Fetish"? Do you actually like your husband?

Maybe he wasn't horny last night. The fact is he was horny first thing this morning. Nothing wrong with that.

Lucky you to have a DH who desires you.

unlucky him to have a DW who sneers at him

YANBU, but for a man 0630 is a good time as he gets horny first thing and in the case of ED he will be harder.

I don’t think it’s a fetish probably just morning wood. At his age that’s an indicator of good health.

Neither of you are wrong but accusing him of having a fetish is a bit wild.

God your poor DH. You have made him feel like a freak for waking up in the morning and fancying a quickie. He was horny and wanted to know if you were up for it? So what? And sometimes when you wake up horny you kind of just want the spontaneity of doing it now not scheduling it for half an hours time when its 'more convenient'.

I think you are not being unreasonable to not be up for it when the kids are getting up and about. If I am honest, I am not sure I would have been completely on board with that either.

But saying you found it disgusting and getting annoyed at your DH and saying he has a fetish because he did is pretty shitty OP.

Did he actually say any of those things?? Because otherwise it seems like a mad leap to say that him coming on to his own wife, granted at a bit of an inconvenient time, means chest thumping gorilla "I am the alpha male of the house, fuck off kids, I control everything".

If you didn't want sex at all - fine, but it's not a fetish to bid for it (until it becomes proper sex pest stuff all the time and sulking)

If you wanted sex, just later - you need to communicate - "looks like someone's getting lucky when the kids leave the house...don't go anywhere"

I wouldn't want to either but I think if someone actually did have a fetish about being heard or interrupted by teenagers that would be a real safeguarding concern, so I can understand why he would be upset being accused of that. Presumably he just thought the risk was low enough or you have a lockable door? Or does he have a history of inappropriate behaviour?