To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

At about half 6, they're both at secondary school and more than capable of sorting their own breakfast, including cooking their own eggs.

Saying no to sex is not emotionally abusive - of course it isn't.

An outright "No" is perfectly acceptable.

Given what you have said in the OP about being up for it if he had waited until the kids had left you could have said "Not right now, I'm not comfortable doing it with the kids around and I need to do their breakfast, but hold that thought for an hour, and I'm all yours" - he probably would have loved that because of the anticipation build up - I know mine would.

But you did neither of those things - you got angry at him and accused him of having a fetish! On it's own it may not be emotionally abusive if it was truly a one off, an out of character reaction and was followed by an apology.

However, alongside your own admitted emotional distance and apparent dislike for him, and your tendency to hyperbole in your descriptions of his behaviour on your other thread, I would assume that this is not the first time you have had that type of angry reaction to something innocuous - in which case it would absolutely be part of an emotionally abusive pattern of behaviour.

Then why not discuss it with DH so he knows how you feel?

I really think you should do exactly whats right for you. All these people sanctimoniously saying they' d happily be rubber dolls or riding cowboy as long as their man could get it up.
Maybe their partners are on viagra but I dont believe that most women would be happy to give him one when he knows his partner ALWAYS gets dressed and downstairs to see the lads out.
Hes just trying to show he's boss.
But its your life. You can decide exactly what you want to do.
I think its selfish and thoughtless of him when he could get happy after the lads had gone out of the house.

Me too and I have a lovely well built old house, if this is in a house where you can hear everything I find it off putting too ...why not a quick kiss and hold that thought until the children are off and away to school? Strange

Or lock the door and put the radio on !

This

Sounds just like my ex H to be honest. Miserable bastard obsessed with sex at inconvenient times and always grumpy despite me doing everything.

And for goodness sake, do your future daughter in laws (or son in laws) a favour and start making your near adult offspring sort themselves out in the morning. At the age of 15 and 17 (or 17 and 17+ - as per your other thread - not sure which one is the typo), they really shouldn't be relying on mummy to make them a hot breakfast and get them ready for school!

Start teaching them some independence!

Your teens are more than capable of getting their own drinks and breakfast. One of them is nearly a grown man.

Your husband wasn't disrespectful to you, sounds like you were very disrespectful to him though.

FWIW if my partner ever got angry at me for desiring him and accused me of having a fetish for wanting a morning quickie, I'd be leaving him! If this is typical of how you speak to your husband you definitely should be getting a divorce.

I'm tired in the evening and when it's time for bed, prefer to sleep! During the week, we don't have time for morning sex, but weekends absolutely! I prefer morning sex to nighttime. My son is 15, has the bathroom/airing cupboard between our room and his. He's usually fast asleep anyway on a weekend morning, so he's unlikely to hear.

You can refuse sex for whatever reason you want. However, your husband isn't weird for wanting morning sex with you! It's not some odd 40+ fetish! If you find the thought of morning sex uncomfortable, then tell him that nighttime is better or if in the daytime, you'd prefer your teenagers to be out.

Its bizarre of him to expect sex from you...a quickie or not ..when the kids are next door and could walk in on you.
He knows what hes doing.
And you did the best thing to tell him 'No'!
I think all guys have a morning erection because thats how they wake up. Its not fair on you to expect you to adore it when you've got to get up.
He knows, as well as the rest of mankind that he just needs to urinate and the erection will be deflated.
I am amazed at the number of sexually compliant women who would jump into action just for a morning erection!
Or so they say in this forum .

I don't normally reference other threads when replying, but given you've mentioned it here I've just read your posts on that other thread - just yours, none of the responses.

You talk about how you nearly left him a few years ago and after he begged you not to you had a period of a few years which were good but you let them slip away because you were "too depressed about not being allowed to leave as I thought there was a better life out there that I could not see the wood for the forest.".

You also say in the OP in that thread that you have had one foot out of the door and been emotionally distant for years.

You call him narcissistic and emotionally abusive for being "grumpy and disgruntled and unhappy" and not quite contributing 50:50 to household decisions, but you have not given any concrete examples of anything that is actually abusive or narcissistic behaviour.

People telling you to LTB on that thread were taking you at your word that he behaved that way, even without specifics that evidence it, because this is Mumsnet where there is a tendency to whole heartedly support a woman who says that she is being abused - especially on the relationships board. In most cases this is not a bad thing at all - however, in your case, I think it has done you a disservice, especially in light of this thread.

On this thread where you have accused him of having a fetish and got angry at him simply for suggesting sex at a time you deem inappropriate and you have been almost unanimously told that your reaction is hyperbolic to the situation.

Taking these two threads together, I suspect this is not the first time you have reacted in an OTT way to something he has done that is fairly innocuous and given, by your own admission you have been emotionally checked out of the relationship for years is it any wonder that your husband is grumpy, disgruntled and unhappy?

I would like to hear his side of the story of all of this, because based on your posts and your own words alone - there is someone in the relationship that is emotionally abusive, and it isn't your husband!

maybe we are prudes but I’m in the same boat I’d rather just wait until the house was empty seeing as that was going to be the case later in the morning .Thank goodness I was never subjected to that by my parents either I have to say .

It doesn’t matter at all though if others have a different opinion on this. It’s never unreasonable to not want to have sex if you don’t want to. The more important issue might be whether you ever want to have sex with him at other times. Your phrasing here (and other thread) do suggest not. Get out of this marriage and go and be happy.

FFS 🙄

Yet you've seemed to have repeatedly missed in the many posts on your thread, that saying no to sex is not the issue in what you've posted. Anyone can say no all they want. It's their right.

It's calling him a deviant because of it is what people are pointing out that's weird.

Because when you are in a relationship that is not great and every day there are arguments and disagreements you can struggle to see the wood for the trees. If you are being gaslit on a daily basis its hard to know if you are being unreasonable or not in a specific incident. Yes context is important but sometimes taking something out of context can be useful.