To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

Early morning sex is my favourite, sets me up for the day.
Bedtime sex not so much, as I am tired.

Ah, I love a bit of risky morning naughtiness!

My 17 year old has the room next to us.. Last year she said "so yeah, i always wear my headphones to bed. Seriously, gross; but I'm glad you guys love each other so much."

We are so much quieter now!!!

But I guess it comes down to your own comfort zone and levels of sexual engagement. Being AuDHD, I'm prone to throwing myself into anything without thinking it through, especially if it's going to set off dopamine and serotonin.

Either way, I guess I'm saying, don't be mad at him for wanting you, just verbalise that you're not comfortable with the teens around but you're up for it later :-) just tell him!

No me neither tbh and I wouldn’t want to do it in this situation however it’s still not wrong for the husband to want to do it. Disgusted is quite a strong emotion and it’s not a fetish

husband or wife fancies a bit of nookie...tries it on like spouses do....you have sex or you don't.....it's not that deep

If your children walk in on you both having sex they will NEVER walk into your room without knocking EVER again!!! Ask me how I know! I was that teen!!!

OP, having read the full thread, I think I understood what you were trying to express, of how you were feeling.… it’s been really interesting (and equally disturbing) reading some of the responses you’ve had. It’s been like a mini-exploration of society’s understanding (and blindness to) male entitlement, a revealing look into societal expectations and gender dynamics. The subtle and unsubtle misogynistic responses you have received ….posters not really seeing or able to comprehend the deeper issues that were coming up. You can really see the mechanics of why change is slow. Sometimes it’s worth looking deeper with curiosity, to see what we might find. We need to keep a lookout for male sexual entitlement, in its myriad representations and address it. Women and girls deserve faster social change. From the more harrowing threads we unfortunately see so often on mumsnet to the more “normalized” ones as well.

Obviously there's way more going on here than just this morning's non incident.

But... If you think your children might walk in to your room even when the door is closed, why don't you just always lock it every night? One less thing to think about when you and your husband might be both in the mood at the same time. It shouldn't be that one of you has to get up and lock the door every time.

By the way, my kids are in their mid 20s and still call me Mommy sometimes. There's nothing wrong with that.

That makes absolutely no sense!

Part of our job as parents is to teach our children about manners and etiquette, including knocking on a closed door and waiting for a response before entering.

Why not if it helps OP answer her questions?

I don’t think it unreasonable, except I would not have actually, openly accused him of having a fetish.

(I do not think it impossible that he might like the thought of having them hear , but I would not say it because you cannot know that.)

There does not have to be a back story to not want your children to be listening to you having sex, or to not want to risk them walking in on you.

Well we talked more about consent and safe sex tbh. I have DDs though, I expressed that I hoped that they waited, and that they were in a loving relationship, but I'd rather they were safe and felt comfortable to come to me if they needed to rather than fear being in trouble for not being old enough.

I don't see why being a BAME family would be relevant, no. And you were must wait until they 18 earlier, not hope they wait.

I notice you ignored the second part of my post though. Why are you not parenting them by helping them become fully functioning adults?

Not in my book, under those circumstances. If the teens don’t get their own breakfast as a rule, there’s little doubt they’d be looking for you.
I would have been a bit more tactful or reasonable with telling him no…it’s not something I’d be upset about, not angry anyway, but you do you.

Have you spoken to a solicitor and started proceedings for a divorce?

In the context of a normal loving relationship it could be easily forgotten and just have sex when you are comfortable. But it just seems it’s either his way or no way. Your H wouldn’t be counting the days he didn’t have sex if it was me, it would be years! He’s not a nice person and I think you sadly know this :(

i have read all your comments and realise there’s a bigger back story of issues. Do I retract my comment; it sounds like it wasn’t the right time and no one should have sex when they feel uncomfortable, if he’s counting the days between and making it known, he’s definitely mentioning it to you and pressuring you which smacks of a subtle coercion at least. I can across an awful thread here where a young mum is giving into sex so her husband doesn’t rape her ( and her raped her even when 8 months pregnant). It’s prob one of the worst threads I’ve read on here. Also comments that you should be grateful he wants you and that he might look else where smack of misogyny. And this is sadly from fellow females. Apologies for my original post snd I send you solidarity.

I’m with you OP but probably for different reasons. Firstly you were definitely not horny … and he was. He’s counting days on how long it is since you last had sex - I can’t think of much more of a turn off than sexual coercion. You’re not there to service his sexual needs. If he’s horny he can have a wank! Sex should be about so much more than getting off. It shouldn’t start in bed. It should be 24/7 in the way that your partner treats you, cares for you, flirts with you, supports you as a person… makes you feel wanted. That’s sexy! You don’t have to be his cum bucket …

Is your home town Stepford?

Please ignorance if found out.

I’m the sort who has highlighted small flaws and believe me when I say its.got me nowhere in life.

if the fault could become bigger then I would definitely tell.

@frostypalms should she put a collar on them also?

Yoi know him better than she does eh?

If the kids are "listening in" then it is they who are the perves, not the husband wanting to have sex with his wife at 6.30am when people are getting up in their own rooms and hopefully not pressing their ears to their parents door in the hope of hearing something. In any case OP declined the offer if sex (as is her right), and there wasn't a problem until she started accusing him (quite incorrectly) of having a fetish and insisting he apologise for being disrespectful (which he wasn't).

The problem here is not the DH hoping for sex, nor OP declining. It is her ridiculous reaction of saying he has a fetish and that he was being disrespectful, and her starting a fight about it.

I don't understand why it's such a big deal to you....Enjoy before you get too old and knackered...