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mocked for Gold DofE and 'acting British'

183 replies

swpark · 26/03/2026 23:05

We’ve lived in London suburbs since 2010 when we moved to the UK. It’s a leafy, quiet spot, and while it’s not the most diverse part of London, it’s a pro-European lib dem voter area. With our neighbors and our international employers being so welcoming, we’ve always felt like we fit right in and never faced any discrimination. There were occasionally instances of small comments or hearsay, but it was never anything serious.

Our kids grew up here. They went to a local nursery, the local state primary, and then the local state comprehensive secondary and sixth form. We’re originally from Eastern Europe, but we’ve got our dual citizenship and we’ve built a good life here. We’re university-educated with good jobs, and while London prices mean we aren’t exactly 'rolling in it', we’re doing fine since we own our (tiny) home and enjoy our holidays.

Today, my teen daughter came home incredibly upset. She was bullied and mocked at school because she just finished her Gold DofE. Because the Gold level of the award is new to her school, it was announced in the weekly school newsletter. She has a good circle of friends at school, but this other crowd really went for her. They called the whole thing useless and pretentious, saying she only did it because she’s a snob and wanted to 'act British'. They even dragged us into it, claiming we pressured her into it because we’re desperate to belong and that, as Eastern Europeans, we never actually will. She’s obviously excited for the Buckingham palace award ceremony. Anyone would be, but they acted like her (and our) excitement was just us trying too hard to fit in.

The worst part is that she genuinely loved the whole experience. She’s super sporty and outdoorsy, so the hiking and camping were right up her street, and she already does swimming and basketball anyway. She used her real hobbies, singing and cooking, for her skills and spent two years volunteering at a hospital and with girl guides (rainbows unit helper). The only 'extra' bit was a summer camp which she chose for her residential trip, but that was also useful for her uni personal statement.

Now she says she feels like a 'second-class Brit'. It’s heartbreaking because she grew up here; this is her home. She’s being made to feel like an outsider just for having some ambition and putting in the effort. Why be so bullish and judgmental toward someone who’s just working hard and making the most of things? This caught me completely off guard as she has never had any such incidents at school. She was really shaken by how nasty and aggressive their comments were.

OP posts:
OhDear111 · 26/03/2026 23:24

Oh- I forgot. In my opinion, these are not nasty “people” they are children in a school. There are school rules which their comments have almost certainly contravened.

OhDear111 · 26/03/2026 23:20

@swpark I’d be absolutely livid about this. I would immediately contact the DofE organizer at the school and report what has been said to them. Plus talk to the head of pastoral care/head of year. I’m appalled by this. It’s not acceptable.
In my view, the school should take action and it’s bullying.

My DDs only did Bronze and a few of their friends did Gold. It’s not easy! It takes commitment and perseverance. She’s given her time and it’s wonderful. Yes, I’ll be honest: it’s often seen as very middle class - but so what? By people who don’t get off their backsides to do
it! All sorts of dc did it at DDs school (bronze) and it says a lot about that type of person. They get on and do things.

Gold is a proper achievement and please complain about her treatment. The school has done well to organise it and I’m certain they won’t like this reaction. If I knew you, I’d take her out for a hot chocolate!

5foot5 · 26/03/2026 23:19

Oh reading this made me so angry?

Can you talk to the school and find out which low life's made these comments? If they (the school) are not already all over it they should be.

Congratulations to your daughter for getting this award, it is a significant achievement.

HugeMonstera · 26/03/2026 23:19

I’d lived in the UK for well over 20 years, but the upsurge in this kind of slur around Brexit was what finally made me decide to raise my child somewhere else. Sorry it happened, OP. It’s far worse outside of London, in my experience.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 26/03/2026 23:18

Sounds like tall poppy syndrome with a side of xenophobia - can't have people getting above themselves and thinking they're worth anything, especially not Johnny foreigner. Possibly a side of misogyny too - how very dare a girl achieve something and have the achievement acknowledged.

There's always going to be nasty people in life. DD will have to figure out how she deals with it. I find sticking with good people is a good strategy.

PermanentTemporary · 26/03/2026 23:14

She’s being bullied. Tbh the reason the bullies picked on her is almost irrelevant, they will find any reason that somebody stands out in any way at all because they are in some way inadequate people themselves (not that I want you to be sympathetic, just perhaps it might help your daughter to see that they’re just people who right now are acting like pathetic losers). They thought she was vulnerable to being hurt that way, and she was. Talk to the school pronto and read their bullying policy.

WearyAuldWumman · 26/03/2026 23:11

It's jealousy, pure and simple.

My dad was Eastern European, but Mum was Scottish and I was born in Scotland.

i got good grades at school and was accused of being 'posh' and having rich parents. Mum used to be a housekeeper and later a waitress and factory worker. Dad was a coalminer.

My surname was obviously Eastern European and I was academic; ergo, I was picked on.

Zov · 26/03/2026 23:08

Awwww, I'm sorry to hear this @swpark It sounds like they are jealous. Your daughter has done well, and they resent this. I know it's easy for me to say, but she should just ignore them, and enjoy her lovely life with her friends and family who show her love and kindness. Sadly, some people are not nice. Flowers

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