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mocked for Gold DofE and 'acting British'

183 replies

swpark · 26/03/2026 23:05

We’ve lived in London suburbs since 2010 when we moved to the UK. It’s a leafy, quiet spot, and while it’s not the most diverse part of London, it’s a pro-European lib dem voter area. With our neighbors and our international employers being so welcoming, we’ve always felt like we fit right in and never faced any discrimination. There were occasionally instances of small comments or hearsay, but it was never anything serious.

Our kids grew up here. They went to a local nursery, the local state primary, and then the local state comprehensive secondary and sixth form. We’re originally from Eastern Europe, but we’ve got our dual citizenship and we’ve built a good life here. We’re university-educated with good jobs, and while London prices mean we aren’t exactly 'rolling in it', we’re doing fine since we own our (tiny) home and enjoy our holidays.

Today, my teen daughter came home incredibly upset. She was bullied and mocked at school because she just finished her Gold DofE. Because the Gold level of the award is new to her school, it was announced in the weekly school newsletter. She has a good circle of friends at school, but this other crowd really went for her. They called the whole thing useless and pretentious, saying she only did it because she’s a snob and wanted to 'act British'. They even dragged us into it, claiming we pressured her into it because we’re desperate to belong and that, as Eastern Europeans, we never actually will. She’s obviously excited for the Buckingham palace award ceremony. Anyone would be, but they acted like her (and our) excitement was just us trying too hard to fit in.

The worst part is that she genuinely loved the whole experience. She’s super sporty and outdoorsy, so the hiking and camping were right up her street, and she already does swimming and basketball anyway. She used her real hobbies, singing and cooking, for her skills and spent two years volunteering at a hospital and with girl guides (rainbows unit helper). The only 'extra' bit was a summer camp which she chose for her residential trip, but that was also useful for her uni personal statement.

Now she says she feels like a 'second-class Brit'. It’s heartbreaking because she grew up here; this is her home. She’s being made to feel like an outsider just for having some ambition and putting in the effort. Why be so bullish and judgmental toward someone who’s just working hard and making the most of things? This caught me completely off guard as she has never had any such incidents at school. She was really shaken by how nasty and aggressive their comments were.

OP posts:
OhDear111 · 27/03/2026 00:33

@SalmonOnFinnCrisp Do they still go there? Buck P? Anyway. The school will also be proud!

Maray1967 · 27/03/2026 00:30

Congratulations to your DD. My DS1 finished it at 19, and DS2 now 18 is almost there. To my knowledge there were no snide comments from the majority of kids in the school who didn’t continue on to gold. School needs to be aware of this.

AcquadiP · 27/03/2026 00:08

Well aren't they ridiculous? It's jealousy pure and simple. Your daughter has done extremely well and should be very proud of herself. She's not a "second class Brit", she's a first class Brit!

EdgarAllenRaven · 26/03/2026 23:57

They are just jealous, and over time this will become a learning experience which helps build her resilience. You can never please everybody.

I can identify with her predicament as my parents were also Eastern Europeans who worked bloody hard to give me an education and all the opportunities here… I’ve never felt fully British (though I was born here).

BUT my own children are completely accepted as being British by their peers.

Assimilation into a culture is a long game and can take several generations… in the meantime, let her celebrate her dual heritage and ignore the jealous bullies.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/03/2026 23:52

I’m so sorry to hear this Op.

First of all, well done to your daughter. She did brilliantly, that’s such an achievement.

These kids sound jealous and just downright nasty. Yes, people can be nasty at all ages but you often dare to hope young people won’t be racist (or nationalist or whatever you want to call it).

I think you should speak to the school as they will have broken rules by behaving in this bullying way.

HotForThomasShelby · 26/03/2026 23:52

@swpark ah my DS is off on his Gold practice expedition this weekend. It’s not for everyone my DD quit after bronze.

Your DD is a strong minded individual (as proven from achieving her gold award) so she will get through this upset too. She should avoid these bullies but if they persist then she must inform the school. Hopefully it was a one-off jealousy rage and she can put it behind her and focus on her exams and moving on to Uni soon.

FunMustard · 26/03/2026 23:52

I really feel for her. Teens can be so brutal, and there's none so brutal as those trying to be cool and mocking someone for a genuine interest. Not to mention the racist tones.

RawBloomers · 26/03/2026 23:51

Congratulations to your DD! What a great achievement. Star

Agree with others here that this is bullying and they would have picked on anything different to use as a stick. If it wasn't the foreign background it would have been something else. I'm not saying that doesn't make it racist, it is. But it's not an indication of the way many people, even some of those in the group who bullied her, will actually think of her. I hope she can put it behind her without it diminishing her spark.

PissedOffAutistic · 26/03/2026 23:49

Bunch of jealous, ignorant, racist bastards! The UK is built on immigration, as far back as you can go! She's a first-class Brit!
Also, she got gold and she's still in school?! Bloody well done - it's a massively impressive achievement!

ACynicalDad · 26/03/2026 23:47

I was chatting to a Uni admissions tutor a while back, and they said it was one of the few things that separated out kids at that age, as everyone applying has the grades. It's such a good thing to have in her back pocket.

Thesquaregiraffe · 26/03/2026 23:46

Amazing achievement!! Well done to your daughter! My son is doing his Silver and is younger than most as not doing it through the school - his mates don’t get it either and he sometimes resists in terms of “why am I doing this and my friends aren’t”. But! It’s an incredible achievement to pass the gold award!! 😁. She should be incredibly proud of herself! 😁. But I do get the peer pressure … as an adult it’s just urrghhhh

CandyEnclosingInvisible · 26/03/2026 23:43

Please reassure your Daughter that the pathetic jealous bullies who were so mean are not representative of what most people think and she shouldn't take it to heart. Getting a Gold DofE is an amazing achievement, equivalent to getting an extra A-Level and anyone with any intelligence and insight will know that her achieving it means she is a force to be reckoned with. She does not need the approval or admiration of the bullies. Getting bullied for putting in effort is sadly not uncommon in some schools but doing your best to achieve excellence is not in any way "un British"

PeppyBrickQuoter · 26/03/2026 23:43

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/03/2026 23:37

I dont think that it is, its kids making dickish comments in response to her achievement. Akin to calling someone a 'boffin' or a 'toff'

Dont overreact to this, imo, let's see what happens next.

They’re saying she’s acting British and doesn’t belong here. Legally race includes nationality too so the Eastern European kids are covered. It needs nipping in the bud just like it would need to be for a non white British child

BooneyBeautiful · 26/03/2026 23:43

Well done to your DD. You should all be very proud. As she doesn't want the incident reported to the school, tell her just to ignore the remarks. Tell her everyone on Mumsnet thinks she is amazing!

Sskka · 26/03/2026 23:39

Well done to your daughter!

What kind of kids were doing the bullying? ‘Acting British’ is a strange insult, in that it could mean totally different things coming from British kids or from foreign kids.

DanaScullysLegoHair · 26/03/2026 23:37

Some people peak in high school. Sounds like the bullies will. Your DD will fly much higher 🙂

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/03/2026 23:37

PeppyBrickQuoter · 26/03/2026 23:36

She absolutely should, it’s racism

I dont think that it is, its kids making dickish comments in response to her achievement. Akin to calling someone a 'boffin' or a 'toff'

Dont overreact to this, imo, let's see what happens next.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 26/03/2026 23:37

They're bellends, and they'd likely still have picked on her for the DofE if she'd been born in the UK, they'd have just found a different justification for it.

She's got something they haven't, and they need to tear her down in order to make them feel better about themselves.

IdentityCris · 26/03/2026 23:36

Congratulations to your daughter, that's a wonderful achievement.

You and she really need to report this as bullying and ask the school to put in place their bullying policy to protect her.

PeppyBrickQuoter · 26/03/2026 23:36

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/03/2026 23:34

Kids are bullies and they're just jealous that she has one up on them for achieving this

Dont take it to heart yourselves and tell your dd to ignore them and be proud

Honestly, I wouldn't go to the school about one day of comments. See how it pans out first

Congratulations to her, she has done well

She absolutely should, it’s racism

PeppyBrickQuoter · 26/03/2026 23:35

I’d encourage DD to report it to the school. It’s racism plain and simple.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/03/2026 23:34

Kids are bullies and they're just jealous that she has one up on them for achieving this

Dont take it to heart yourselves and tell your dd to ignore them and be proud

Honestly, I wouldn't go to the school about one day of comments. See how it pans out first

Congratulations to her, she has done well

GentlemanJay · 26/03/2026 23:34

Good on her for going above and beyond. In a few years time she will back and think “more fool them”

It’s only when you get older, that you don’t give a stuff about what others say.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/03/2026 23:33

Gold D of E is bloody hard.

There are salty AF or just idiot teens

It's legitimately a really great accomplishment irrespective of its tie to the Duke of Edinburgh...

She should.ignore it amd be proud of her achievements

I'd get her a really.nice dress / outfit for Buckingham palace.

swpark · 26/03/2026 23:31

Thanks so much for the kind words. She’s asked us not to contact the school as she just wants to move on, but it’s clear she’s distressed; the way they spoke to her was something she’s never had to deal with before. And, she hasn’t had any issues with bullying since primary, and even that was quite minor.

@OhDear111 the hot chocolate is a great idea, we might just do that, or a family breakfast out on Sunday.

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