mocked for Gold DofE and 'acting British'

Sadly the reason why is not irrelevant and shouldn’t be brushed under the carpet.

If she were from a white British background, they would say she’s up herself and trying to be posh - then it would be “classism,” not “racism,” except in reality it’s just inadequate people picking on someone who has dared to do something positive that she enjoyed and got a reward for, with class or race just being the most convenient tool to use for the job.

Bullies look for where they can hurt a person the most and then go for it. They found the easiest way they could to tell her she’s not like them, which is clearly, in reality, a massive compliment. One day she’ll be pleased ro have nothing in common with people like that.

I just wanted to congratulate your daughter on this amazing achievement. I did bronze many years ago and gold seemed like an iron man in comparison! I'm sorry she's been the subject of ignorant jealousy. She will do very well in life, those closed minded bigots will not. And they'll wonder why. Sad really.

Is this really true? What sort of course were they talking about?

I am really proud of my dc for doing DofE and they have really enjoyed it all. I think it shows great commitment and is not at all easy to get.

However, mine would no way have been able to do theirs if it weren't for a lot of parental support - with lifts, equipment, encouragement etc.

It seems quite exclusionary and young people with less support would really struggle to get it.

I’m so sorry your daughter experienced this. Kids can be so awful.

remember bullies go for those they are jealous of and make them feel insecure. This new attention she is getting is a signal that’s she’s absolutely class, and is just the first of many tests of being a kick-ass young women in a sea of disenchanted people.

all power to her.

What a huge achievement- many congratulations to your DD. She should be very proud.
To have achieved it, she will have shown tenacity and resilience; she should consider this as just another part of her development.
Smile, rise above it and harness her inner bad ass Bridget Fonda … “I never did mind the little things”
Have a great day at the palace ✨ shine on

Are the bullying kids British?

immigrants who “act British” are exactly the kind of immigrants we want.

I'd report to the school as they've clearly failed in educating open minded, less racist students and produced a bunch of mini Nigel Farage's instead.

Sorry to hear this. I am British and also got bullied in this way at school, minus the xenophobia, not for gold D of E but for basically wanting to learn and do well. It is jealousy and often comes from the parents.

It’s probably jealousy. I was in cubs, beavers and scouts and no one said a word until high school. There were several kids that went, but my scout group was a busier one and we did a lot more stuff. DofE, chief scouts award, camping, competitions, my friends and others use to tease me about it, but I got to do so much cool stuff. I never cared what they said and pretty soon they got over it and moved on. Your daughter has had n amazing experience and no one can take that away from her. She’s probably learnt more than they ever will.

Huge congrats to your brilliant daughter! Please mention this to the school. Your daughter needn't know and the school will respect her wish not to take the incident further. But that gives the bullies opportunity to torment others as they see fit - others who might not have solid parental support at home.

Congratulations to your daughter, a hugely impressive achievement.

I would encourage her to be curious about what kind of person would respond in the way the bullies have and why. Answers could include lacking confidence, insecure, unkind, jealous, bored, going along with the crowd, mean, insular, etc.

Your daughter can justifiably look down her nose at such characteristics. She's made of better stuff, simple as that.

@Wafflesandcrepes "This is racism." The term that describes the behaviour outlined in the OP is xenophobia, not racism.

Unfortunately it’s the crabs in the bucket scenario, it is happening a lot in the UK. Anytime someone (your daughter) tries to climb out of the bucket to escape, the rest of the crabs (her so called friends) try to drag her back down. Lots of jealousy and lack of self esteem involved. She needs to rise above them and continue to do what she enjoys. Hard to do as a teenager but stand beside her and give her strength in herself and she will be fine.

no, but it's OP's DD achieving the DofE that has made the bullies notice her.
Otherwise she would have had a stream of such comments through her school career. (And I suspect if she was, for example, Black or Jewish, she wouldn't have got to her age without a single racist incident).

My DS achieved gold too. Well done to you DD. It is an awful lots of effort.

Buckingham Palace was great. We got to wonder around the gardens for the afternoon in the sun. Wear comfy shoes!

If your DD doesn't want to raise it with school just now maybe leave it over the weekend and see how she feels by Monday.

Oh so sorry for your dd @swpark . You know what? They are jealous of her and trying to find a way to "get to her" and put her down. My DS had the same thing with a friend after he did better than him on a national test. All of a sudden this "friend" started commenting on ds being really short and abusive messages followed on how ds was a pain in the ass and everybody thought so. I nipped it in the bud answering him with my ds Phone and told him that their "friendship" was over and that if he uttered another mean word about DS there would be a meeting in his school and I would personally call his parents. It worked because the boy in question was globally well-behaved and was afraid of consequences from school/parents.

In your case I would tell DD that she needs to not let it bother her- that will nip it in the bud. Like "oh, my parents aren't bothered about this- I think British parents are more inclined to push for this. I'm doing it because I want to but it's a shame that you feel you need to bring my parents origin in to this. It feels ignorant and racist."

Respectfully, these kind of xenophobic slurs don’t actually require anyone not to be ‘fitting in’.

I have a friend who's wealthy and posh, her DDs have all been bullied for being "poor" as they don't have holiday villa, don't spend £300 on trainers or get a blow dry weekly.
Kids will pick on anything OP.

If your DD hadn't done well, they'd still find something else to be jealous of.

This is unfortunately part of the attitude some children have towards others who are doing well in activities they perceive as "nerdy". High academic achievers probably get the same treatment.

I strongly suspect the "acting British" is just a casting about for anything that they can find that they think will upset her rather than them actually thinking it. If she'd been blonde or wore glasses they would have picked on that.

If she's finished Gold DofE she must be at least 16/17 and if she hasn't had any incidents like this so far, it doesn't sound like there is a genuine issue with her not fitting in.

Absolutely it’s jealousy. It won’t have anything to do with your background really, they just need something to hang on to and this was all they could find. Your DD being successful makes them feel inadequate so they are trying to bring her down. There were kids like that it my school, interestingly they are the ones who never moved on or did much with their lives as adults. She should just ignore them and focus on her goals, in a few years they will seem completely insignificant - which they are.

Listen. This is pure jealousy. She isn’t a second class anything. Unfortunately, as she goes through life, when she excels at things there will always be someone saying “who does she think she is” and trying to drag her down. She needs to recognise them for what they are - sad little people who will never do anything with their lives - always comparing themselves to others and always coming up short. Instead of worrying about what they think, she needs to invest that energy, keep pushing on and showing them exactly who she is - someone who excels while they sit there bitching and whining.

I'm so sorry. That should have just been a really wonderful positive experience

I live in Northern Ireland and my son's school does the DoE. All students can participate and they do from both sides of the community here, including Nationalists. I also know lots of young adults who participate in Prince's Trust. Again, many from a very Nationalist background.

It's celebrated as the student's achievement, not a sign of Britishness. How sad she was bullied over a fantastic achievement.

Totally this!

She sounds like an amazing young woman and you must be so proud of her and she must be of herself.

I’m not excusing the comments made, they sound strange. I don’t think many British people care about Duke of Edinburgh for it to be a thing people do to “fit in”.

but all I will say is that if your daughter grew up here and England is all she knows, then she needs help to care less about what others say about her heritage. Do some comments from losers erase the past 15 years of her life (or however old she is)? If her lived experience tells her differently, then she needs to learn to just trust her experience and her view of things and not let her lens shift to how others see things.

I was born in England and if someone tried to say I’m an outsider I’d be extremely confused and find it funny…because of my lived experience? Just the same way I’d find it mildly amusing if someone insisted I have blue skin or purple eyes. It’s not true soooo it’s not going to garner much energy from me.