AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

I thought you said earlier that she’d moved tables so she wasn’t on her own?

It’s sad for you both that she’s upset but that doesn’t mean she deserves a place in an auditioned choir. You need to focus on helping her get over it and your focus with the school needs to be on how they can support her at lunchtimes, not criticising their selection process for the choir.

@LovelyBranches , talk to the school. Find out what's really going on and deal with it then.

I don't know that I am, but I didn't have much of a choice! My daughter discovered that theatre was a thing when she was about 5 years old and has spent the past 20 years pursuing it. She is very sensitive and hates the feeling of rejection that comes with not getting a part, but she is even more determined than that and keeps trying. I greatly admire her! I could have discouraged her from pursuing it I suppose, but I don't agree with that parenting philosophy. I think it's our job as parents to expose our children to a wide range of interests and pursuits, and encourage and support them on the path they choose.

OP so what do you think happened here? Why was your daughter not chosen?

And what are you going to do about it now? Lots of differing advice here. What action will you take?

Where are you seeing ableism?

Oh good grief! I’m starting to think your daughter’s biggest problem is you, because you think she should just get whatever she wants! That’s not how life works, and nine is not too young to learn this. What are you going to do when she gets to working age, turn up and complain she didn’t get the job she wanted and it’s all so unfair how dare they?!

I didn’t get into my primary school choir. My two closest friends did. C’est la vie.

My DD9 is a performer. She dances, sings in a choir, performs in musical theatre and plays an instrument. Some of the things she does are inclusive and some she has to audition for. Is quite possible she will pursue a career in performance and I do see the auditions etc as part of her learning. Not just in terms of rejection, but also preparing for audition, managing the stress and being happy for her friends.

she is doing a big MT production in the summer, second year she’s done it. They make them all audition even though pretty much everyone gets into the show. Every one of her best friends got a callback for a solo, she didn’t. I was gutted. She was pleased for her friends. I was so proud of her. She is an amazing singer and performer, and had a small solo last year. But she understood that they go with who does best on the day, and who fits the part best. She has also auditioned for a dance solo and lost out to a dancer who scores much lower in exams. Again she understands that the other dancer had what was looked for on the day. Another day it will be her if she keeps working hard.

i think it’s absolutely fine for primary schools to audition kids for things. As long as they do a wide range of activities so that all kids get a chance to shine. I do agree the inclusion of all yr six was a bit weird, I would’ve thought all audition or none. I would also be a bit annoyed if the commitment is having a big social impact and might asking the school what they are going to do to mitigate the social exclusion.

But as gutting as it has been for your daughter, this is sadly part of performance, it’s hugely competitive and they need to learn from each disappointment (there will be many) and move on.

If your child was one of the chosen ones I suspect auditioning children wouldn’t be the issue it is now.

Well exactly, and if this was the true belief “all or none” would they be supporting competitive events like the one the dd won?

Also I bet if their child was chosen, they probably wouldn't be so vocal about it "not being fair" for everyone else and would be more a case of "oh well"

So because your child wasn't chosen everyone shouldn't be able to do it

You are part of the reason that teachers are leaving. We are so fed up of stuff like this, we cant do right for doing wrong .

It's possible to be good at performing but suck at auditions, which is quite a skill. I'm a good ensemble performer but having to sing a solo in front of an audition panel makes me collapse in to a heap. I often fail to perform stuff I can normally do easily outside of auditions.

If she has singing lessons, would her teacher be able to give her some help with audition technique?

I know this is not the point of your thread op but I am surprised at people dismissive of her not having her normal friendship group, comments like there are other children for her to play with... I have a 9 year old son (and admittedly he is autistic so making friends is more complicated for him than the average child...) but he has an established little friendship group at 9 and if those 3 boys were all off school tomorrow he would be on his own at lunch. It's not as easy as saying she can play with other children when 9 year olds do have established friendships.

Anyway.. in your position I would definitely speak with her teacher about how this has affected her and had a knock on effect for her lunchtimes too. I don't know if your daughter got an explanation from the school either but maybe they could give her a reason that would make her feel better. They can't if they don't know how upset she is, and she probably won't voice her level of hurt herself.

My DS had something similar happen. The poor kid loves to sing and dance but his singing isn't great tbh. Wasn't chosen for a thing as well. I minimised it and told him he can sing for me at home (🫢) and that he has other qualities to him than singing.

@LovelyBranches Your dd probably doesn't sing very well if she wasn't chosen but try to focus and what she does know well ; drawing/playing the flute/swimming whatever. Don't make this bigger than what it is. Everyone can not be good at everything.

Anyway OP - do they break up for Easter tomorrow? Just ask a teacher at pick up what the process was. You may find your DD's version of what's happened is not quite the full picture. Don't sit on this, fuming, if there is an explanation. You never know unless you ask.

justasmallbiz · Today 06:39
"I’m glad she wasn’t picked simply because you’re an idiot."

You sound lovely - Not

in a small rural primary school, such as many of the ones here in Wales, I have always found that children from different years played happily together on the yard. I worked in one school with just over 50 pupils and we would have one pupil from every year on every dinner table. This meant that the older pupils would support the younger ones and it helped develop conversation skills. It also meant that pupils interacted with each other across the school.

Sometimes they do pick the kids that may not otherwise have an opportunity. It sounds like your DD will have other chances and maybe some kids wont so they go the one up this time

OP, have you actually spoken to the school about this? You’re just going to be left seething for months if you don’t and in no position to properly help your dd.

Id go up there calmly and try to get some info as to what’s gone on.

I have to agree with this. Ive been there with my DD and its sad but there will be other opportunities!

@allchange5 but that’s essentially exactly what they’ve done except that it sounds like they have a cap on numbers.

If they’ve got more kids in the choir than spaces on tv then they need to select them somehow. They’ve chosen to give all year 6s (most experienced, most mature voices, last oppprtunity to participate) and then they’ve auditioned to fill the remaining slots. I do not think that there is anything wrong with this approach.

OP’s DD hasn’t been kicked out of the choir, she just hasn’t been selected for a particular opportunity.

I also agree with @weirdoboelady that some children / people have particularly strong or fantastically distinctive singing voices that mark them as natural soloists. However, they are so good that they can take over a choir, or not easily blend in.

All of the selected children want to do it. There's children in all of the year groups that have opted out through lack of interest. Year 6 weren't made to audition but Year 5 and Year 4 were which makes me think that the TV show is largely interested in older children for whatever reason.

But if you're going to select, you just tell the children that everyone in Year 6 will be doing the rehearsals as they're the oldest and most experienced. Then, depending on the maximum numbers you can take, you either take all of Year 5 and a small handful from Year 4 - making it clear that the ones in Year 4 not selected this year, will get their turn next year. Or you take them all and top up with any non choir members who express an interest. To me, this is just common sense.

As I said, the only reason for not taking a child through is if they were totally tone deaf or sang very loudly in a way that would affect everyone else's chances in this Eiseddford thing (sorry for spelling). But it doesn't sound like the DD is like this.