AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

What are you trying to achieve here? You're not happy with any response that does not support your take on things. No-one here can give you what you want. Take your complaint to the school and, if necessary, to the school governors. Maybe they can accommodate your wishes.

I'm a bit late but I wholeheartedly agree with you.

It doesn't appear possible to vote in the poll any more, but I'm a primary school music specialist and I was going to vote YANBU.

I've worked in lots of different settings, state and private, with auditioned and unauditioned choirs, and over time I've come round pretty firmly to the belief that they should be unauditioned. The most important part of getting children to do music, to whatever level they want to take it, is engaging them non-judgmentally with happiness, open-mindedness and interest, forming positive associations and avoiding negative ones. People talk about resliance and poor little snowflakes, but these are very young children we're talking about. Experiences like this DO damage peoples' ability to positively engage with activities. I've personally met adults who have been permanently putt off by them, we probably all have.

I also think there are very few children who can't sing in tune when they're taught correctly and the material is chosen and arranged suitably, and a school with a decent music program should be able to assume any child who's been following it for a few years will have a usable sense of pitch in the same way they assume anyone who's completed all the early years phonics etc will be able to read to a certain level.

There are also more and less sensitive ways of selecting children for such things. Taking a class of 20 or 30 children and saying you're going to audition for three of them to play lead roles in a production is fine, because you're not singling out the remainder as losers. Anyone who doesn't get the role is not worse than everyone else, they just weren't the very top (which is partly dependent on suitability for the role, rather than anything general or absolute anyway, and much of this can be explained to them).

Auditioning a group of 20 for something and passing all except 3 of them is completely different. It no longer says "you're just like everyone else", but "everyone else is in normal/average range, except for you and the 2 other losers who are exceptionally below it". I'm shocked that nobody in the planning process would have considered this, to be honest.

For such a number of children, they should have just chosen two whole year groups. For a smaller number they might have been able to devise an audition process without such negative consequences.

@allchange5 she didn’t win with a different choir as I understand it, she won as part of the school choir. It’s just that for this particular tv opportunity not every member of the school choir could participate and OP’s DD didn’t make the cut.

It looks like rather than using the opportunity to help her DD learn how to get over a bit of disappointment and expand her friendship group, OP wants her to get special treatment by attending the rehearsals (and who cares then about the other 2 year 4 kids in the same position). It’s presumably going to feel even worse when, having attended the rehearsals, her DD doesn’t get to participate in the recording, unless OP plans to then demand that she does.

Im sure you’re used to fighting for your DD OP but this is not a situation where it is merited and you’re actually making things worse.

@allchange5 ,Ynys Môn 2026 | Urdd Gobaith Cymru
Llangollen International Musical Eisteddfod - Home
2026 | Eisteddfod

They aren't stuffy - the National one has rock concerts and lots of stalls.
If you go to S4C you can watch some past ones. Eisteddfod Ffermwyr Ifanc 2025 | Cystadlu'r prynhawn | S4C Clic
(They are in Welsh. Most programmes have optional English or Welsh subtitles.)

Sorry for incorrect spelling - and thanks for filling me in!

OP, this is probably totally off point, but just wondering - if your DD has already won in the Eisteddford competition recently, with another choir, could there be any chance she's gone on and on about it and annoyed the teacher? Could there be any chance that she now sings very loudly or something? I'm sure this isn't the case, but just trying to think what their logic could possibly be here? You would think, out of all the kids, they would definitely want a child with previous experience of the whole thing.

Also, how many didn't get in from Year 5 and were any of them choir members?

@allchange5 Not quite the right spelling I think - but Welsh music, singing and art competitions and showcasing Welsh culture and heritage.

@allchange5 , an eisteddfod is like a festival with all sorts of cultural competitions.
The National Eisteddfod is a big week-long event with competitions in things like singing, reciting, dancing, prose and poetry.
School children compete in the Eisteddfod yr Urdd.
There's also the Llangollen Eisteddfod and the YFC Eisteddfod.
There are also smaller ones like in a village, chapel or town.

No auditions should be mandatory and children and parents have to learn about disappointment, you are been unreasonable.

@LovelyBranches She should get another chance though. It’s hard but she’s y4. Needs a wider friendship group too. Sadly life is full of rejections and how could they take everyone? She’s got plenty going on with her singing do she can give others a chance, surely?

What is Eisteddford - is it for choirs or soloists? I have to admit I've never heard of it?

Your daughter won at the Eisteddfod! That's brilliant! She must be pretty talented.

You'll already know how serious and competitive singing and choirs are from a really young age if your daughter has competed before. Arglwydd! I can barely watch eisteddfod yr urdd as it can get so tense!

There will be more opportunities for your daughter. Perhaps she can stick it to them by winning more solo competitions in the meantime?

You obviously don’t understand the fact that she possibly was not good enough and need to accept that. You seem more bothered about the fact she has no one to eat or play with. It’s time for her to make new friends which you should be encouraging.

So all pupils who want to get to take part in practice, or just your dd?

then it’s the “ah but she’s done all the rehearsals.. surely you’re not stopping her from joining the performance!!!”

Maybe they know,( shes told them )she sings elsewhere and they thought it would be decent to give another child a chance. YABU

@PoppinjayPolly , No. Ask the school how the choir singers were chosen and why her DD wasn't. Asking the people involved, in a pleasant manner, might get a good result.

There might be factors the children weren't aware of.
It might be that OP's DD implied there was an audition when it wasn't really the case. There might have been a mix-up.

If only one or two missed out on a place, maybe they could be found a place.

It might be that OP's DD is very talented but as a soloist not a choir member. Maybe she, like I was at that age, could sing very well sometimes but not keep a tune on other days.

Maybe the school thought that the well-behaved DD was not going to be comfortable performing. Who knows.

It's worrying that OP's DD was devastated but it might be that she is just too good to blend in.

Maybe some of the choir would prefer play to choir practice and would gladly swap.

Yeah you’re That Parent.

"Given how parents go nuts when their child hasn't been included in a special event, we no longer want to do such activities in future as its too stressful for the staff. So this event will be the last of its kind".

So are you going to talk to the school? This seems your only remedy here!

With kindness OP, as I'm not without empathy for your poor DD feeling upset at not being selected and missing her friends during lunch, I think perhaps an AIBU thread isn't going to be helpful to you if you don't actually want a variety of perspectives and you just want agreement and validation.

If you are convinced you are right and the school is wrong, why ask for opinions at all? AIBU will always give a wide range of opinions, some will agree, some won't, some will be kind, even in disagreement, and some can be brutal.

I suspect you won't get the school to change the situation retrospectively. The reality is that there are likely limited places and including your DD will mean excluding another child. But if you do feel strongly, then discuss the situation with them calmly, outline your DD's experience and the impact on her, be prepared to listen to their perspective as well and enter into a dialogue rather than going in guns blazing. Perhaps if you have that reasoned discussion they'll look at how they handle future, similar events, not just for her sake but for other pupils as well.

DS has had occasions in school for one reason or another his friends haven't been in due to illness or taking part in events.

This has meant he has been alone. Or they have been alone. On occasion this has been for consecutive weeks. They've all just got on with it.

Tbh, its not healthy to have that level of co-dependence on other children at age 9. She should be able to deal with it occasionally for whatever reason.

Its not ALL the time, even if its a regular thing.

How does she cope if shes at an external group and there's no one she knows? Does she get much time alone?

Is she likely to go to the same school as all her peers or might they end up going to a number of different schools? High School isn't that far off. Its only going to be 18months before you will get High School allocations though. How would she cope if she found she was given different options? Given her disability there is an increased risk here in terms of whether the schools nearby are all accessible which might influence decision making and allocation of schools...

My personal feeling is by Spring of Yr4 you really should be firmly focussed on preparation for High School in emotional terms, because blink and you will be making those decisions - they really are not long off and its much easier to take a longer term approach to this rather than having a bit of a panic in yr6 about it (theres a number of kids in DSs class who really are in this situation because parents have mollycoddled for far too long and then are coming up to the cliff edge of reality).

Honestly, I do think you are making a situation which isn't ideal far worse and adding to the upset by fuelling it with your outrage rather than fostering an idea that this just wasn't her turn, there will be other opportunities and it sucks being on your own occassionally but its not that much of a big deal. By dialing up the drama you create the drama rather than reassuring her.

If shes not coping with this situation thats a whole different line of approach rather than insisting she be allowed to force her way onto the choir. Its a 'would it be possible for her to read in the library instead?' type third scenario solution rather than being pushy and difficult.

You need to teach that life isn't fair. Sometimes unfair decisions are just unfair, sometimes they are done for reasons you don't know but are perfectly reasonable under the circumstances. Sometimes its to give others an opportunity. Sometimes these decision making processes actually work in your favour. Thats it. And you deal with it. And yes she probably will have to deal with it more than most but its not always just about her either.

But yr4 kids should know how to accept losing or not having everything their way. Its something DSs school made a big point at during Yr3 because otherwise it caused all manner of issues - not just with the kids but also the parents.

Yes in your OP you said she had lunch with a girl she didn’t like much - so which was it, she’s on her own, or just not with her best friends?

How? School being forced to put the dd in the event? Well all the dc who didn’t get in would have to join the event too wouldn’t they?
the dds friends to be pulled from performing to spend playtime with her?