Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

536 replies

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:29

Dd is 9 and loves singing. She goes to her school choir after school group and goes to signing lessons outside of school. She has competed (and won) at the Eisteddfod.

Yesterday she came home from school very upset, unbeknownst to us she had auditioned for a place in her choirs Christmas show which will be on tv. She didn’t get in. There were 3 children in her year that didn’t get in. DD was devastated and very upset about it.

Today she came home upset because the teachers had taken the new choir group to practice and DD had no one in her usual friendship group to eat with. She ended up eating with another girl in her class who hasn’t been very nice to her recently.

I feel really upset for DD, she sings all the time and will tell anyone who listens how she wants to work in the theatre when she is older. I am aware that the school probably had a limited number of places but I feel like they should have given places to all year 6 and year 5 pupils rather than what they did which was allow year 6 and pick selectively between year 5 and 4.

AIBU to think that schools shouldn’t have auditions for choirs at primary school level.

OP posts:
JemimaTiggywinkles · 25/03/2026 22:02

So all of year 4 are going apart from your DD and 2 others? That seems pretty harsh.

Posters saying you aren’t helping mean that you’re very clearly angry / upset about it your DD will pick up on that. You need to model a more relaxed attitude. Sometimes it is super disappointing not to be picked but there will be more chances in future.

DaisyChain505 · 25/03/2026 22:02

That’s life I’m afraid.

Shea not always going to get what she wants, be picked for everything, be liked by everyone or invited to every party etc.

These are the lessons that children need to learn otherwise they grow into entitled adults who think the world revolves around them and owes them a favour.

Throwawayusernameforme · 25/03/2026 22:01

Honestly, I love my daughter without measure, but although she's an enthusiastic singer, she is truly awful. Lovely because it's her, but breathtakingly tuneless. Obviously I'd never tell her this. I can see why choirs might need to audition if they are trying to be competitive.

Brewtiful · 25/03/2026 22:00

I think you're understandably upset because she is upset and seeing our children unhappy is never nice but of course they should audition especially if the school takes music so seriously. Unfortunately not all children can be part of everything and it's a great opportunity for her to make new friends especially if her year group is so small.

DanceMumTaxi · 25/03/2026 21:58

I do think it’s a bit crap of school if they’ve include all children in her year group bar 3, especially when they enjoy singing and go to choir. Just leaving out 3 does feel like exclusion. If it was half and half it would be ok. Wonder why they thought this was ok.

Original poster
LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:58

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/03/2026 21:53

Can I just clarify - only three didn’t get picked from the whole of year 4? Or only three didn’t get picked from those who auditioned from that year? Quite a big difference.

I do think that’s a bit shitty if it’s the whole of year 4 bar three children.

In general, yes even primary schools will have various things where you either do or don’t get picked, and it does teach them resilience over time. What made me annoyed was when they’d say selection criteria for a certain thing was x, but then when it came to it, it was y. Or if they said “you won’t get picked if you don’t behave, and then ignored really bad behaviour if it was from a child they wanted to pick (as in they were good at the thing in question but had behaved very badly - why say behaviour comes into it if it doesn’t?)

Correct- 3 children didn’t get picked out of the year 4 group at choir. Around 15 of the children are in the choir.

DD has never had a single bad word said about her behaviour. In fact we had parents evening recently and her teacher said she is one of the best behaved. DD has a physical disability and has needed assistance during the time she’s been at school because she used to use a wheelchair and every teacher has always said what a kind and polite child she is.

OP posts:
Happytaytos · 25/03/2026 21:58

I suspect places are limited for the TV show. Better to be let down now, than practise for months to be told you can't go.

She'll survive and something else will be important next week. A good lesson in resilience despite the initial upset.

Bushmillsbabe · 25/03/2026 21:57

Encourage her to make friends in other year groups if no one in her year who she is keen to hang out with. Or are there any other lunch time clubs she could join?

LoveWine123 · 25/03/2026 21:56

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:50

DD has an unusually small year, there are under 20 children in her entire year. The three children were of the group that usually go to choir, but most of the year go to choir.

Show quote history

So it’s not actually 3 children in the entire year group. It’s 3 children from the group that goes to choir. You made it sound like “the year group” is 60-90 children and only 3 were excluded. Seriously OP, for the sake of your daughter, move on from this.

cramptramp · 25/03/2026 21:54

I didn’t get in the choir at school. I was very embarrassed about it but I got over it. Just like your daughter will.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/03/2026 21:54

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:50

DD has an unusually small year, there are under 20 children in her entire year. The three children were of the group that usually go to choir, but most of the year go to choir.

Show quote history

X posted!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/03/2026 21:53

Can I just clarify - only three didn’t get picked from the whole of year 4? Or only three didn’t get picked from those who auditioned from that year? Quite a big difference.

I do think that’s a bit shitty if it’s the whole of year 4 bar three children.

In general, yes even primary schools will have various things where you either do or don’t get picked, and it does teach them resilience over time. What made me annoyed was when they’d say selection criteria for a certain thing was x, but then when it came to it, it was y. Or if they said “you won’t get picked if you don’t behave, and then ignored really bad behaviour if it was from a child they wanted to pick (as in they were good at the thing in question but had behaved very badly - why say behaviour comes into it if it doesn’t?)

Original poster
LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:51

Hotandbothered222 · 25/03/2026 21:50

They’re practising every lunchtime for a show that’s on in 9 months time?!

It’s a Welsh language school-that’s the culture

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:51

EatingHealthy · 25/03/2026 21:49

So you didn't have any problem with competition between 9 year olds when your daughter won, but do now she's lost?

When DD was part of the Eisteddfod there were no auditions. Nobody was excluded

OP posts:
Hotandbothered222 · 25/03/2026 21:50

They’re practising every lunchtime for a show that’s on in 9 months time?!

Original poster
LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:50

ImmortalSnowman · 25/03/2026 21:43

3 children in the entire year? Or just 3 children who auditioned and didn't make the cut.

Show quote history

DD has an unusually small year, there are under 20 children in her entire year. The three children were of the group that usually go to choir, but most of the year go to choir.

OP posts:
EatingHealthy · 25/03/2026 21:49

So you didn't have any problem with competition between 9 year olds when your daughter won, but do now she's lost?

DanceMumTaxi · 25/03/2026 21:47

So they’re taking the whole of year 4 except 3 children? Is that right?

PollyBell · 25/03/2026 21:47

LoveWine123 · 25/03/2026 21:38

Rather than stopping all choir auditions wouldn’t it be better if kids (and their parents) learnt how to deal with small disappointments in life?

This sums it up perfectly, I do wonder how many children can't cope with dissapointment because their parents can't

ImmortalSnowman · 25/03/2026 21:45

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:42

Wow, so being concerned that my child who is normally a happy little girl come home crying for two days in a row, and having no one to sit by to eat lunch or play with is somehow wrong?

Show quote history

Why can't she eat lunch and play with the other two children?

ImmortalSnowman · 25/03/2026 21:43

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:39

I’d be more inclined to agree with you if the school were picking the top 3 children in the year.

Leaving 3 children out in the year feels like exclusion.

Show quote history

3 children in the entire year? Or just 3 children who auditioned and didn't make the cut.

Notmyreality · 25/03/2026 21:43

You honestly want to stop all choir auditions because your daughter didn’t get picked? Would you propose the same if a child didn’t get picked for the school football team? It’s a lesson in resiliance and perseverance surely
and how the world works.

Original poster
LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:42

GrueyTwoey · 25/03/2026 21:39

She wasn't good enough, that's hard to hear Im sure but it's the truth.
You won't be doing your daughter any favours with the way you're behaving.

Wow, so being concerned that my child who is normally a happy little girl come home crying for two days in a row, and having no one to sit by to eat lunch or play with is somehow wrong?

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 25/03/2026 21:41

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:39

I’d be more inclined to agree with you if the school were picking the top 3 children in the year.

Leaving 3 children out in the year feels like exclusion.

Show quote history

Yes that sounds quite difficult but you should now support her to get over it and not make it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

redskyAtNigh · 25/03/2026 21:41

This isn't really about auditioning for a choir though (and I do think that primary school choirs should be open to anyone who wants to sing). It's about the school allocating a limited number of spaces at an event. The way they did it seems as good as any other and sounds like she will get a chance in Year 6.