AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

I know a parent who has shown video footage of a Year 2 race on Sports Day to the staff to query the result and get their child their child their rightful 3rd place sticker 🥲

Just sour grapes

they can’t pick everyone.

I enjoy singing but I’m that bad I ended up as the page turner for the pianist in primary school

Op I agree it's really awful of the school to do that. It does come across like exclusion for the 3 that didn't make the cut.
I would speak to her teacher and explain your concerns in a calm manner. If it is going to knock her confidence not being part of the group or having no friends to sit with at lunch it may affect her other school work and behaviour.

Those are quite insane comparisons, OP. If an adult were joining a choir that auditioned, and all the people they auditioned got in bar three, they would deal with exactly the same situation. If they were trying out for a weightlifting team, they wouldn’t make it in unless they met the criteria.

My son’s enthusiasm for football outstrips his skill level. The local teams he’s been playing for since he turned nine will let anyone join and train, but you absolutely compete for your place on match teams. It’s taught him a lot.

I find myself wondering whether your response to the situation has made it more difficult for her to deal with it.

She was unsuccessful this time. These things happen. And the teacher's decision shouldn't be driven by who eats with whom at lunchtime.

Which is why that comment was directed to a real theatre mum. Not you.

You are coming across a little OTT about this now.

My daughter auditioned for quite a few instrumental groups. Some were successful, some weren't. She (and I) just sucked it up and she tried again. would never have queried any decisions even if I thought they were unfair.

True story - An irate parent actually went to the music teacher's home demanding to know why her daughter hadn't been chosen for the choir 🙄

Not to a activity with limited space. There has to be a cut off somewhere.

Would you expect them to include more than 5 on a 5 a side team? (8 with subs perhaps).

Would you expect them to include more than 15 to a theatre trip with 15 seats available?

Op I agree with you. Even if parts are limited they shouldn't leave out just 3 kids out of 15. That's pretty crappy. Teaching resilience is fine. Teaching a child that they won't be selected because they aren't the best or among the best is also fine. Teaching a child they are at the bottom of ability at something that they (I assume) regularly practice and put an effort in does not teach resilience. It teaches them that their effort and work was useless.

OP, you have probably had to fight for your daughter a lot in her life. But now she's getting older you do have to learn to take a bit of a step back, for her sake. It may well be that the school has picked children who haven't had your dd's singing opportunities, or maybe the venue isn't accessible, or they only have transport for a certain number. Whatever, it's your job to go 'oh well, no big deal. You've got plenty of other opportunities to shine - so let's get you to your singing lesson and get back on that metaphorical horse and ride on'. Getting angry and stressed will only make her feel either more disappointed or like a disappointment herself, for making you feel that way. Yes, she'll always need you to fight for her more than a child without disabilities, but please save your energy for the big battles.

You must have to be made of stern stuff to be a theatre parent!

The thing is though there literally isn’t anything you can do about it so you’re going to have to come to terms with it and not project your feelings about it onto your daughter

You’ve said she has opportunities outside of school and not all children have that. They might not have even chose the best, they’ve maybe picked a range of different levels of singing to give everyone a chance. My son’s football team make players do training before they can make it on to the team and commit to it to see if they fit with the team. My son is really good and school some terms have football by an external company and he’s not got in everytime as they make it fair to make sure everyone who wants to do it, does at different terms. He’s 10 and understands when he doesn’t get in, he’s had a turn and has opportunities outside of school that other people don’t

So what is the issue - the fact that she didn't get picked or the fact that she didn't have anyone to have lunch with? Why conflate the two?

Well she will be able to try again next year and in the meantime others get to enjoy being part of the choir who maybe don't have the opportunities your child does outside of school. A real positive don't you think?

Believe me, I know what it's like to feel heartbroken on behalf of your child who has not been chosen for a performance. My daughter is now in her mid 20s and has been involved in the performing arts since she was your daughter's age. Unfortunately this is part of it, and as hard as it is at the time, the younger they are at getting used to not getting a part in a performance, the more practice they have with it. The theatre world is a very hard, very competitive world, and even the most talented performers will have many auditions that don't go in their favour. Your job as her parent is to model an appropriate response.

My daughter has had countless "rejections' in her theatre career. She is now a working actor and auditions for many more roles than she lands. This has always been the case, from primary school age, through the teen years, to auditioning for acting degrees at conservatories, to now. Every time she doesn't get a part she wants she is devastated, and of course I am too, but she loves doing it and is willing to accept that this is part of it.

But she does, in the context of those available to be considered.

Which has limited spaces......

Ah that makes sense now, thanks op. I thought they were performing at Christmas but recording it next term would explain why year 6 are in it and why they’re practising so much.

did your daughter win an individual singing event at margam or with the choir? Posters who aren’t aware of the urdd probably won’t understand that to win at the national urdd Eisteddfod is a very big deal. I’m interested to know if she was with the choir for it or was it a solo

I'm talking about school football teams as you're talking about a school choir. Happened in every school I've ever worked in.

Your gym and Tesco comparisons are a bit ridiculous.

Can you have a quiet word with her singing teacher about it? If she honestly believes your dd is a good singer then it’s worth talking to the school about it. If the teacher says that your daughter can’t actually sing well then that’s a different matter. It will be disappointing for her, but hopefully you will be able to find another activity - art, drama, cooking? for her to focus on.