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AIBU?

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AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

536 replies

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:29

Dd is 9 and loves singing. She goes to her school choir after school group and goes to signing lessons outside of school. She has competed (and won) at the Eisteddfod.

Yesterday she came home from school very upset, unbeknownst to us she had auditioned for a place in her choirs Christmas show which will be on tv. She didn’t get in. There were 3 children in her year that didn’t get in. DD was devastated and very upset about it.

Today she came home upset because the teachers had taken the new choir group to practice and DD had no one in her usual friendship group to eat with. She ended up eating with another girl in her class who hasn’t been very nice to her recently.

I feel really upset for DD, she sings all the time and will tell anyone who listens how she wants to work in the theatre when she is older. I am aware that the school probably had a limited number of places but I feel like they should have given places to all year 6 and year 5 pupils rather than what they did which was allow year 6 and pick selectively between year 5 and 4.

AIBU to think that schools shouldn’t have auditions for choirs at primary school level.

OP posts:
DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:26

Respectfully, we can't do everything we want. You say your daughter has had solos - what about those kids who haven't been given that chance?

The school may only have a set amount of spaces. They may have looked at your daughter, her previous solos and decided it was time to let another child have a turn?

SummerInSun · 25/03/2026 23:23

I seem to recall reading somewhere that Dua Lipa didn’t make it into her school choir as the music teacher didn’t think she sang well enough. So your DD shouldn’t think all hope is lost!

FWIW, my DC’s school has tow choirs. The one you have to audition to be in that only a a few kids from each year group are in, and then the open one that everyone can join.

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:21

LoveWine123 · 25/03/2026 23:20

It’s actually 8 children out of 20, not 3. RTFT

5 of which didn’t audition and didn’t want to be part of it

OP posts:
marmaladejam1 · 25/03/2026 23:20

BlueOrangeDreams · 25/03/2026 23:18

I'd ignore the ridiculous comments you are getting here and speak to the school about how upset she's feeling.
I don't think it's necessarily wrong to have auditions but to exclude 3 children out of 20 is horrible.

I kind of agree, but it's 8 out of 20 ( not 3).

LoveWine123 · 25/03/2026 23:20

BlueOrangeDreams · 25/03/2026 23:18

I'd ignore the ridiculous comments you are getting here and speak to the school about how upset she's feeling.
I don't think it's necessarily wrong to have auditions but to exclude 3 children out of 20 is horrible.

It’s actually 8 children out of 20, not 3. RTFT

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 23:19

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:14

Resilience as a concept is something I have a problem with so you may have a point but it’s not as profound as you think it is.

Resilience is often used in the workplace to justify giving the workforce more work with fewer resources.

Resilience in this instance means teaching my 9 year old to sit there and look happy about something that makes her unhappy.

It really isn’t. As a pp said, it’s about modelling for her that it’s possible to let yourself feel disappointment or sadness about not getting to do something or missing an opportunity, and then let it go.

BlueOrangeDreams · 25/03/2026 23:18

I'd ignore the ridiculous comments you are getting here and speak to the school about how upset she's feeling.
I don't think it's necessarily wrong to have auditions but to exclude 3 children out of 20 is horrible.

RaraRachael · 25/03/2026 23:18

Resilience is accepting that you don't always get what you think you should and moving on from it.

Happytaytos · 25/03/2026 23:18

Resilience in this instance means teaching my 9 year old to sit there and look happy about something that makes her unhappy.

She can look how she likes about it. Life is going to be unfair and make her unhappy at times. The best thing to do is work with her on how to deal with those feelings and identify if the battle is one worth fighting. This choir one really isn't.

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 25/03/2026 23:17

Resilience in this instance means teaching my 9 year old to sit there and look happy about something that makes her unhappy.

No, it’s about acknowledging her disappointment and getting her to move on from it.

RedToothBrush · 25/03/2026 23:15

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:42

Wow, so being concerned that my child who is normally a happy little girl come home crying for two days in a row, and having no one to sit by to eat lunch or play with is somehow wrong?

Life is unfair sometimes.

As parents you talk and support your kids through it. It's an important life lesson.

Instead you are throwing your toys out the pram.

They had a limit on spaces. They had to exclude a few. However they did it, it would be viewed as unfair by whoever lost out. Should they have drawn lots?!

They've picked the best kids. Your kid wasn't one of them. Maybe she wails like a strangled cat despite loving singing. Either way, you are where you. Deal with it without all the additional drama.

HoskinsChoice · 25/03/2026 23:15

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:58

Correct- 3 children didn’t get picked out of the year 4 group at choir. Around 15 of the children are in the choir.

DD has never had a single bad word said about her behaviour. In fact we had parents evening recently and her teacher said she is one of the best behaved. DD has a physical disability and has needed assistance during the time she’s been at school because she used to use a wheelchair and every teacher has always said what a kind and polite child she is.

Edited

I suspect she won't have that lovely reputation for much longer if you teach her that she should stamp her feet like you're doing because things don't go her way. It's life. Both you and your daughter need to gain a bit of resilience.

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:14

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 23:02

Respectfully, what I’m seeing here is a parent who’s catastrophising like mad and not modelling resilience for her child.

Resilience as a concept is something I have a problem with so you may have a point but it’s not as profound as you think it is.

Resilience is often used in the workplace to justify giving the workforce more work with fewer resources.

Resilience in this instance means teaching my 9 year old to sit there and look happy about something that makes her unhappy.

OP posts:
Happytaytos · 25/03/2026 23:13

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:09

It bothers me too. This will probably be considered a drip feed but we’ve been in a similar situation before.

When my DD first used her wheelchair her teacher thought inclusion meant sitting her underneath a higher table on her own. DD wanted help to move to the same table as her friends-not to sit on a table by herself.

That situation isn't similar at all.

Was the table provided by an OT for your DD to use? In the teachers defence, if it was, that's what they'd been trained and shown to use.

What do you mean by wanted help to move herself next to her friends? The teacher moving the wheelchair, or your DD, or the furniture. This sounds like a genuine case of misunderstanding and not malicious.

Happytaytos · 25/03/2026 23:10

oviraptor21 · 25/03/2026 23:08

As a former music teacher, you are absolutely right OP.
Shame on the school's teachers if they are unable to bring all their pupils to a level where they can sing well enough to take part. It's not rocket science.

And there's 30 spaces on the TV show and 36 kids audition, what happens then?

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:09

PurpleThistle7 · 25/03/2026 23:03

I’m usually pretty relaxed about this stuff - my daughter is a dancer so I can’t get upset every time she doesn’t pass an audition. But months of rehearsals and leaving only 3 kids out to eat lunch alone for months would bother me a lot.

It bothers me too. This will probably be considered a drip feed but we’ve been in a similar situation before.

When my DD first used her wheelchair her teacher thought inclusion meant sitting her underneath a higher table on her own. DD wanted help to move to the same table as her friends-not to sit on a table by herself.

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 25/03/2026 23:08

As a former music teacher, you are absolutely right OP.
Shame on the school's teachers if they are unable to bring all their pupils to a level where they can sing well enough to take part. It's not rocket science.

ImmortalSnowman · 25/03/2026 23:07

PurpleThistle7 · 25/03/2026 23:03

I’m usually pretty relaxed about this stuff - my daughter is a dancer so I can’t get upset every time she doesn’t pass an audition. But months of rehearsals and leaving only 3 kids out to eat lunch alone for months would bother me a lot.

It's not just 3 children. There are 8 children in year 4 not in this event. @LovelyBranches hasn't said how many year 5 children are also not in this choir.

Her daughter wasn't left to eat lunch alone. Her friend finished her lunch before going to choir practice. OPs child then sat with another child to finish lunch.

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:06

OhWise1 · 25/03/2026 23:03

What proportion of the y5 choir goers were picked?
Also at a tangent, but how is there a 2 form entry with only 20 kids in a year group?

There isn’t two forms, there is only one

OP posts:
LittleBinChicken · 25/03/2026 23:05

RaraRachael · 25/03/2026 23:04

@LittleBinChicken that actually happened at a school I taught at too. The wee boy was more concerned with his mum making a show of herself than he was about getting a sticker!

Honestly I was dying inside. What is the actual matter with these parents?!

Thechaseison71 · 25/03/2026 23:04

Blushingm · 25/03/2026 22:59

Just sour grapes

they can’t pick everyone.

I enjoy singing but I’m that bad I ended up as the page turner for the pianist in primary school

Lol I got told by my local pub landlady that I should sing on karaoke at closing time, get rid of the punters fast

RaraRachael · 25/03/2026 23:04

@LittleBinChicken that actually happened at a school I taught at too. The wee boy was more concerned with his mum making a show of herself than he was about getting a sticker!

PurpleThistle7 · 25/03/2026 23:03

I’m usually pretty relaxed about this stuff - my daughter is a dancer so I can’t get upset every time she doesn’t pass an audition. But months of rehearsals and leaving only 3 kids out to eat lunch alone for months would bother me a lot.

OhWise1 · 25/03/2026 23:03

What proportion of the y5 choir goers were picked?
Also at a tangent, but how is there a 2 form entry with only 20 kids in a year group?

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 23:02

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 22:17

Why are you so hung up on the numbers? Don’t you understand the point that pre teen girls are having their self esteem diminished by teachers who think they are Simon bloody Cowell instead of educators?

Respectfully, what I’m seeing here is a parent who’s catastrophising like mad and not modelling resilience for her child.

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