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AIBU?

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AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

536 replies

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:29

Dd is 9 and loves singing. She goes to her school choir after school group and goes to signing lessons outside of school. She has competed (and won) at the Eisteddfod.

Yesterday she came home from school very upset, unbeknownst to us she had auditioned for a place in her choirs Christmas show which will be on tv. She didn’t get in. There were 3 children in her year that didn’t get in. DD was devastated and very upset about it.

Today she came home upset because the teachers had taken the new choir group to practice and DD had no one in her usual friendship group to eat with. She ended up eating with another girl in her class who hasn’t been very nice to her recently.

I feel really upset for DD, she sings all the time and will tell anyone who listens how she wants to work in the theatre when she is older. I am aware that the school probably had a limited number of places but I feel like they should have given places to all year 6 and year 5 pupils rather than what they did which was allow year 6 and pick selectively between year 5 and 4.

AIBU to think that schools shouldn’t have auditions for choirs at primary school level.

OP posts:
LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:49

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:47

Positive discrimination is actually unlawful (google).

No it’s not in relation to Disability, it was one of the original pieces of the Disability Discrimination Act that was carried over into the Equality Act

OP posts:
Kirbert2 · 25/03/2026 23:49

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:46

I’d be happy for my child not to be included if the rest of her class weren’t.

So because you daughter can't take part, you want to take it away from all of the children in her class?

Lukilols · 25/03/2026 23:49

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 21:39

I’d be more inclined to agree with you if the school were picking the top 3 children in the year.

Leaving 3 children out in the year feels like exclusion.

I agree, it’s a good way of explaining the difference.

I laugh now looking back at it but I was left out of the school choir at age 11. It was me along with about 4 other kids in my year group out of around 40. (2 classes of 20)

I wasn’t even someone who sang loudly that my tunelessness would’ve ruined things lol

I admittedly am a terrible singer but what harm would it have been to let me come along? I was not bothered at the time as I was well aware how horrible a singer I was, my best friend was also excluded and I had various other talents. BUT, I can see how most kids in that situation would be hurt - so for that reason I don’t think it’s a good idea.

Selectings say a third of the class or even half to do a competition or event is one thing but leaving just 3 people out doesn’t sit well with me.

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:49

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:46

I’d be happy for my child not to be included if the rest of her class weren’t.

So because YOUR daughter wasn't accepted, you would be happy for nobody else to have the opportunity?

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 25/03/2026 23:48

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:46

I’d be happy for my child not to be included if the rest of her class weren’t.

So you would be ok for everyone to miss out because your daughter didn’t make the cut for this one thing. Isn’t that a bit unfair on everyone else?

JustGiveMeReason · 25/03/2026 23:48

You can't really believe that everyone should be chosen for everything they try out for, when you are entering your dd in such things as Eisteddfods, where there is only one winner in each category. Your dd has won there, so that mean others weren't chosen as the winners.
This is a time when you should be upping your parenting game a bit and helping her understand that it is fine to be disappointed, but there will be other competitions, and other opportunities, and that her not getting selected for something doesn't mean she 'has been excluded'. It just means that on this occasion, she wasn't selected for something that obviously has finite numbers.

ImmortalSnowman · 25/03/2026 23:48

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:44

I really appreciate this. Thank you. I would be fine if my daughter wasn’t included if the rest of her year group weren’t, but to make 15 kids audition and then say that 3 aren’t good enough is really awful for my dd, and has made her feel rubbish.

So no child should get the chance because your daughter wasn't chosen this one time? You are starting to sound like a horrible person wanting no child to have anything if yours doesn't come first.

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:47

Positive discrimination is actually unlawful (google).

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:46

ImmortalSnowman · 25/03/2026 23:44

Which child should be kicked out for your child to be included?

I’d be happy for my child not to be included if the rest of her class weren’t.

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LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:44

Screamingabdabz · 25/03/2026 23:40

YANBU op.

Ignore the resilience tossers. I’m all about kids having grit and resilience but this sounds like competitive elitism which has no place in a state primary school, during the school day. Schools are meant to be inclusive for ALL.

I agree they should have included the entire cohort of 5/6 pupils (not year 4 - they’ll have their time). Just imagine how they’ll be when the choir is on tv and a handful are left out? That’s a dreadful way to treat primary age children. I would be furious if my child was treated like that.

I really appreciate this. Thank you. I would be fine if my daughter wasn’t included if the rest of her year group weren’t, but to make 15 kids audition and then say that 3 aren’t good enough is really awful for my dd, and has made her feel rubbish.

OP posts:
ImmortalSnowman · 25/03/2026 23:44

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:42

actually under the Equality Act you can access positive discrimination. Not that I’m arguing for this to be applied in this case, just simple inclusion would be enough.

Which child should be kicked out for your child to be included?

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:42

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:33

Your daughters disability has nothing to do with the choir audition process. It's sad she's had to go through surgeries etc but please don't say she deserves a place in a limited number choir due to her disability.

actually under the Equality Act you can access positive discrimination. Not that I’m arguing for this to be applied in this case, just simple inclusion would be enough.

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LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:40

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 23:34

Are you now suggesting she’s been left out of the choir because of ableist discrimination?

No. I’m saying that having experienced ableism and multiple distressing surgeries she has precociously developed strategies of learning how to deal with things like exclusion.

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Screamingabdabz · 25/03/2026 23:40

YANBU op.

Ignore the resilience tossers. I’m all about kids having grit and resilience but this sounds like competitive elitism which has no place in a state primary school, during the school day. Schools are meant to be inclusive for ALL.

I agree they should have included the entire cohort of 5/6 pupils (not year 4 - they’ll have their time). Just imagine how they’ll be when the choir is on tv and a handful are left out? That’s a dreadful way to treat primary age children. I would be furious if my child was treated like that.

Twooclockrock · 25/03/2026 23:35

Do you think they picked children who could benefit from a place, rathet than the best singers? Those that don't otherwise have confidence to sing etc?
To be honest if she wants to work in theatre auditioning will be a big part of it, as will not getting the part.
I was a dance and theatre kid and audition rejections were a big part of my life. I grew a very thick skin and you have to be able to deal with that rejection and build on it as part of that lifestyle. I remember auditoning for three days straight with hundreds of kids and the royal ballet audition was brutal. I didnt get in but was selected for summer school. In the end I found boys more interesting and gave it all up. But that ability to persist in the face of rejection has been a huge asset throuhlgh my whole life.

Blushingm · 25/03/2026 23:34

Thechaseison71 · 25/03/2026 23:04

Lol I got told by my local pub landlady that I should sing on karaoke at closing time, get rid of the punters fast

Perhaps we should dust? We could clear stadiums!

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 23:34

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:31

Have you even read the thread? Dd has a physical disability with multiple set backs and has been a wheelchair user. At 9 she has already very much learned that she can’t always get what she wants.

Are you now suggesting she’s been left out of the choir because of ableist discrimination?

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:33

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:31

Have you even read the thread? Dd has a physical disability with multiple set backs and has been a wheelchair user. At 9 she has already very much learned that she can’t always get what she wants.

Your daughters disability has nothing to do with the choir audition process. It's sad she's had to go through surgeries etc but please don't say she deserves a place in a limited number choir due to her disability.

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:32

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:31

We can't be included in everything!!!

Not everything, simply the same things her school friends have access to

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LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:31

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:30

Like I said, she's had solos. Other children may not have had that opportunity.

Unfortunately, we don't get to do everything we want. At 9 years old, it's a good age to learn that...

Have you even read the thread? Dd has a physical disability with multiple set backs and has been a wheelchair user. At 9 she has already very much learned that she can’t always get what she wants.

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DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:31

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:30

But not feel included. She’s not looking to be a solo artist at school. She just wants to be like her friends.

We can't be included in everything!!!

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:30

Happytaytos · 25/03/2026 23:29

Sounds like she has plenty of opportunity to shine.

But not feel included. She’s not looking to be a solo artist at school. She just wants to be like her friends.

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DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:30

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:28

My DD has solo’s in her singing group outside of school

Like I said, she's had solos. Other children may not have had that opportunity.

Unfortunately, we don't get to do everything we want. At 9 years old, it's a good age to learn that...

Happytaytos · 25/03/2026 23:29

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:28

My DD has solo’s in her singing group outside of school

Sounds like she has plenty of opportunity to shine.

LovelyBranches · 25/03/2026 23:28

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/03/2026 23:26

Respectfully, we can't do everything we want. You say your daughter has had solos - what about those kids who haven't been given that chance?

The school may only have a set amount of spaces. They may have looked at your daughter, her previous solos and decided it was time to let another child have a turn?

My DD has solo’s in her singing group outside of school

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