AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

Use this as a teachable moment to educate her about resilience. She can have the courage to face the adversity and next time she'll know what resources she can draw on to cope.

That’s rather harsh. Since you mentioned the Urdd, as teachers we would spend two Saturdays in March with our pupils in the first and second rounds to qualify for the national final during the Whitsun half term holiday. Also two evenings for the dancing rounds before the national Eisteddfod. All of that to give our pupils enriching experiences.

It’s difficult having to select say between 6 and 12 to take part in the folk dance, but the best dancers are always selected. Same with the choir - it was up to 40 singers for our category but smaller primaries have a separate competition with fewer singers.

If we were oversubscribed, we would first ensure that the pupils could commit to all rounds before giving them all the chance to show what they could do. Some can hold a tune and sing solo but can’t keep to their part in a two or three part composition in Years 3 and 4. We would practice two part singing in our weekly junior singing sessions so that many would be able keep to their part by Year 6. We were educators first and foremost.

But they aren’t excluding her. She auditioned and didn’t get in. That’s not the same as being deliberately excluded.

If the other two in the year who auditioned and didn’t get in were her friends, would she still have been so disappointed?

@LovelyBranches I feel for your DD and it must be hard to see her upset. Unfortunately the world of competitive sports, music, theatre etc can be brutal. Auditions are tough and even a decent singer like your DD can have a bad day, especially children. But if places are limited it's likely to be the fairest way. Hopefully she'll get another chance next year. It wasn't a good audition this time, but what can she do to make sure she does well next year?

If she does want to pursue singing, this is something she'll need to get used to - and you, as a parent, as she'll only have more auditions, not less. Help build her resilience. Focus on the outside school music group if she's doing well there. See if there are other things she can do at lunchtime and if staff can support a bit if she's struggling with it. Does she have singing lessons, might she benefit from a bit of extra coaching?

It's always tempting to go into battle against something that's hurt your child and knocked their confidence. But that isn't going to help you, or her. If you did successfully kick up a stink and she was included because of that, how will she feel if it wasn't actually on her own merit?

Honestly I do understand it feels awful - I've one that's big into sports and even last year at age 15 he was in tears as soon as we shut the car door over being knocked out at a regional selection stage where he would have got the chance to try for national level. It really is tough when you see them train/practice and try so hard and in the moment it feels so unfair. But as parents, if they want to do things that are competitive performance based, part of our job is teaching handling setbacks and failures with grace.

I think you need to take a breath here OP.

There are 20 children in the year group and 8 of them aren't in this special choir. That's quite different to just three of them sitting on their own at lunchtime which is what you initially suggested.

Out of a class of 20, eight are left at lunchtime while choir practice is going on - and your DD doesn't have any friends in this group (which is nearly half the class)?

Also, of the children that tried to sign up, three didn't get given a place. That would suggest that perhaps your DD doesn't have the gift that you seem to think she does....

Does that mean she shouldn't join the choir? Of course not. There will be plenty of other choirs that she can take part in - as she already has. But clearly, a choir that's going on the TV and being filmed only has a select number of spaces and they want their best singers. The truth can be painful but you've said there are no other issues with her behaviour etc, so the only other answer is that she wasn't quite as good as the others. That's OK, she's only 9 and if she loves it as much as you say, she's got plenty of time to practice.

The issue here is that you're worried about her being sat on her own at lunchtime, right? That's the bit you need to address. If she really doesn't get on with any of the other seven children then ask the teacher for some ideas to help. Our school used to give children little helper jobs at lunchtime if they were struggling socially.

I have two disabled DC, one with very significant disabilities. I understand your dislike of the word resilience, I don't like it either. The world is difficult for little ones with a disability but it's our job to help them through it. And right now, your attitude isn't really helping much. I understand being sad for her - it's horrible when our kids are upset. But raging about the injustice really isn't fair to the other kids, and it won't help your DD get over this disappointment.

At lunch time, before choir practice. OP already said her child was eating lunch with her friend, friend finished and went to choir. OPs child sat with another child to finish her lunch.

OP, the teachers decided to allow all of year 6 (last chance to participate) and the best of year 5&4. That’s not an unreasonable decision to make.

Your child is upset. That’s hard to take. But what you’re spectacularly failing to grasp is that a big part of your job as a parent is helping your child navigate disappointments. You can ignore what everyone here saying and continue to feed your child’s distress, but you’re being a poor parent if you do.

Ahh, I see.

Still, it may even be them who are enforcing the strict numbers rather than the school and if that is the case, what are they supposed to do?

If parents cause a headache for the teachers, they simply just won't do it again I imagine.

When do the choir kids eat their lunch?

OP ask the teacher if there is room for her to be included. Maybe they dont know how upset she is.

Although it sounds like.there were limited numbers and she just wasn't quite good enough. No harm in asking though!

Maybe not as many Year 5's wanted to do it? It will very likely be purely a numbers thing they have to stick too. Especially regarding TV.

Your daughter will get the chance again in Year 5 and it sounds like she'll definitely get to do it in Year 6 no matter what.

You keep saying about her friends being included but it's not a valid reason.

My friends are slim enough to be models. Unfortunately, I like food too much and don't match them. If they were to to photographed aa models, I couldn't throw a tantrum and demand to be photographed too because they are.

Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that.

If she is going to work in the theatre she is going to have to get very very very used to rejection.

You said its going on TV. There will be so many logistics the school will have to think of and numbers will be one of them.

And do the parents of children not being given multiple solo opportunities make the same fuss as you?

There will be other children in year 5 that also weren't selected. @LovelyBranches has refused to answer how many of them were excluded.

For all any of us know the names were drawn out of a hat because the numbers were limited.

So, you want your daughter to be in the choir based on her disability now? Have you thought maybe the ones picked were better than your daughter, hence they got picked?

I think if there were only 3 children out of however many who auditioned that didn't get in, that feels very weird and unfair in a school environment. Surely it would have made more sense to let three more children in, or have three understudies or something, who could practice with the rest of the choir and be on hand in case someone is sick in 9 months. Would three children really make that much difference? On the other hand, as someone in a creative career, if your daughter really wants to pursue a singing/theatre career, she will sooner or later have to face the reality that constant rejection with bits of occasional success is the name of the game.