AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

That’s life I’m afraid she isn’t always going to get picked for everything she auditions for there will always be people who are better than her. You wouldn’t be saying that school choirs should be banned if she had been picked so stop with the sour grapes and trying to spoil it for everyone else because your child didn’t get chosen.

Then, instead of auditioning 9 year olds, they should consider drawing lots at random in such a situation. That would be fair.

It might actually be the opposite too. If OP's daughter is talented and clearly has opportunities outside of school with solos etc then they may have picked the children who don't have those opportunities outside of school?

Which is a perfectly valid opinion to hold, but isn't the OP's take on life as she is entering her dd in Eisteddfods, which are competitive.

It is the only liking it when her dd is selected or when she wins, but thinking competition / selection is wrong when she doesn't that is making the OP unreasonable.

For what it’s worth I think posters on this thread are being quite harsh and would put my life on if it was their child in this situation they would feel the same especially if their child is good at the thing they’ve not been included in. In your opinion op (without being biased 🤣) and given your child does sing outside of school, do you think she is better than most of the children who have been picked? If so, I’d be curious to know why she actually hasn’t been picked?! Surely not good enough wouldn’t cut it if that’s the case. If she’s not as good as the other children I suppose it is something she will need to take on the chin and learn from! Xx

She's 9! How do we know that it was because she wasn't 'good enough'? What was the criteria used for picking? It's not right to label a child at that age to make her feel less talented than her peers. I don't think football is a fair comparison. The arts are much more subjective and impossible to quantify - it's not like football where you can look at how often someone scores a goal. And before anyone says that you can tell if someone is not singing in tune, well, I think half of singers nowadays don't sing in tune, but that hasn't stopped them from being adored by millions. Even so, I think that football at that age shouldn't be so competitive - every child at that age, should be encouraged and given the same chance to shine as their peers. If not, the whole thing just borders on favouritism.

Resilience is “bouncebackability”. It’s not smiling through disappointment, or taking on more work (?). It’s her ability to feel disappointment, and then pick herself back up and move forward. That’s what you need to teach her.

I agree that having selection at that age is unnecessary. Especially when only three weren’t allowed to join. There’s plenty of time for elitism when older. Primary school kids are still little.

So teach her that this one experience does not define her talents. Praise her for communicating her feelings. Show her how she can regulate herself when her body feels out of control.

But that's exactly it. Resilience is about knowing when you need to slow down.
The modern research on what resilience is isn't just having a tough skin and soldering on, having a happy take on things when time is tough etc until you break. Resilience is about the tools you use to bounce back and process during challenging situations. It isn't about rolling and powering on through.

I agree with you…….except for the bit about the venue maybe not being accessible. If that’s the case then things need to be done to make it accessible!

We had to audition for our school choir aged nine. I failed, it stung but not a disaster. Sometimes as Larsen said “oh well, maybe next time”.
And the lunch issue…… “never mind darling, it’s an opportunity to make some other friends”

I think we all understand that. No need to read the thread again.

What you are missing is that it is a parallel situation.
You are angry your dd wasn't picked to be part of the school choir for this one event. Posters are pointing out that in the 'outside choir' your dd had been selected to do solos on more than one occasion, therefore no doubt other dc in the choir have not been selected but you seem to be okay with them 'missing out' on that opportunity as in that scenario, your dd is 'the winner'.

What about paralympians?

You just sound like you expected your daughter to get in and you want to throw your toys out of the pram until someone tells you it was grossly unfair and you're well within your rights to protest. This is aibu and I do think yabu.

Life isn't perfect. Better she fail now and learn how to develop a positive/growth mindset, than never fail and struggle when she's older.

I’m guessing if she’d got in you wouldn’t have a problem and would think it was all perfectly fair and reasonable….

I did. You do realise that resilience is a huge indicator of wellbeing? Children that lack resilience struggle more in life.

Her disability doesn't define what she can and can't do. Everyone is unique and has brilliant strengths.

Kindly, op you need to look at how to boost your daughter's self esteem and resilience. If she relies too heavy on extrinsic factors like her peers for her own self-esteem, she will struggle... She is struggling. Reinforce how you see that she's really sad and that is a shame, but she will get the chance to try against next year. She may not have made the choir yet, but there is always another chance. Etc etc.

Her worth does not come purely from this one hobby.

I used to run a kids performing arts group, my husband is a singing teacher & both my children now perform professionally.

in this instance OP I 1000% agree with you.

I’ve been in the situation where I had to audition kids at my group for a professional opportunity. I would never allow a situation where a tiny number from a cohort were rejected.

something similar happened to my own daughter in year 5. A special choir event that only happened every two years. my dd was one of the very few from year 5 who auditioned who didn’t get in due to numbers. The children who did get in teased her about it.

she convinced herself it was because she was rubbish but a few months later she got a lead role in a touring professional production & the next year was offered a place at full time musical theatre school.

in your instance op they should have taken all of year 5 & 6 and told year 4 they would get their opportunity in the future.