AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

primary school is hard - I remember my daughter was desperate to get in choir but with the teacher walking around and listening while all kids sung she did not get in. She had been doing stage school with singing lessons for years before this unsuccessful ‘audition’. I was also annoyed as she was devastated.
but upon reflection of primary - primary is where kids learn life is not fair and build resilience. My daughter got in choir the following year and it meant more to her.
if your daughter wants to do drama she’s going to need to get used to rejection for not good reason - can I suggest you give her some coping skills for that now after this experience.

I would actually go a step further and speak up for the other two children excluded as well because the whole situation is wrong.

I would take this up with the school and ask if your daughter was excluded from being on tv on the basis of her disability.

Watch how quickly a space becomes available then.

Op, I actually think what you said about all of year 5 & 6 should have been entered rather than auditioning the Year 4s and 5s would have been the best and fairest solution where places were limited. The other alternative would have been to draw lots between the Year 4s and 5s but it would still have meant that a few kids from Year 4 or 5 were excluded from an event that the majority of the choir were taking part in, although the element of judging would have been omitted which would have been easier to stomach.

Can you imagine all the children being so excited about being on TV, talking about it at school and being that child who is left out of all the excitement and even possibly being teased for not being a part of it? The school have handled this really badly and forget resilience - this is about fairness and you need to speak to the school about it.

If your daughter got picked and other children didn't. I get the impression it would not bother you. You are making it all about you.

You are not handling this at all well. Explain to your daughter that you are proud of her but this year others got in, and next year it may be her, and others will be left out.

When I was at primary there was an audition choir that did competition and did very well. I auditioned in year 4 and 5 and didn't get in. I was disappointed. The choir rehearsed two lunch times a week, sat separately in assembly and had special hymn books for assembly. So it was a big thing for us.
I remember being a bit upset, but it's not a particularly painful memory.What I remember far more was dm making a bit of a thing about it, going overboard on comments about trying again and I felt very much rubbing it in when what I wanted to do was forget about it.
When I got in when I tried again in year 6 she was very dismissive of what I felt was a big achievement, which I found far more upsetting. I suspect it was because she knew dbro wouldn't get in as he was tone deaf so she was preparing for discouraging him from trying as there was no way he'd get in and he took failure very badly.

What I'm saying is if you are getting worked up about it, then it may well be a far harder experience for her than it should be.

Actually, let me qualify that. I would say that about sport for younger children - I personally feel that 9 is too young to be competitive but that's my personal opinion.

I would say the same about sport.

Would you say the same about sport, or is it just music where the best kids have to lose out?

Some children would be excluded through the drawing of lots, but the element of being judged worthy or unworthy would not come into play and I think that is what has upset Op's daughter so much. Choir at that age should be fun and inclusive. It's not an exam, it's not an 'elite' team. It's just kids singing together and enjoying themselves experiencing the joy of music. That's what it should be at the age of 9.

Am I right in saying that out of 15 children who go to choir, 3 children have been excluded? So 3 out of 15 children are not going on TV with the choir that they are usually a part of? On top of that, they will not be joining in rehearsals which go on for months, so will be excluded for months from an activity that the remaining 12 children are preparing for? That is SO wrong! You also say your child is in a wheelchair...Call me cynical but I'm starting to wonder if discrimination is coming into play here - wheelchair + television... does the school think it will spoil the aesthetic of the group?! What are the other two children who have been left out like?

At what age should this stop? Do we draw lots for who gets to pass GCSE? Who is selected to play for Everton? And who gets to be a doctor? Tho I admit drawing lots for prime minister would give a better person than Liz Truss!

Reality hits. The TV show likely has a maximum capacity. If the school won’t adhere to that they’ll be deselected and none of their children get to go. So the choice is simple - should no children be allowed this opportunity just because not everyone can? Because even with drawing lots some children would still be excluded.

How is that fairer when you still get the same number of children missing out?

There’s nothing intrinsically unfair about choosing the best people for something. And 9 is old enough to understand that there are people who were better than you on the day.

I can understand why you are so upset seeing your daughter crying. Knowing she is a good singer and is praised by her teacher outside of school, she must of thought she would obviously have a place.

Rejection is horrible and to be reminded of it everyday as her friends are all practising at lunchtime seems doubly cruel.

But! You need be strong for her and teach her that not everyone wins all of the time. Encourage to look forward and practice by throwing herself into her outside group. It’s their loss and her time to shine will come. Encourage her to sit with someone else at lunch, maybe someone who also sits alone. I think this is the most difficult part as it must feel like she’s been ostracised. If she continues to come home from school crying, I would speak to the school, not about her not getting in as that’s just part of life but how she’s struggling at lunchtime without her peers. 💐

Then the school can simply draw lots out of those who are interested. A random selection process out of all interested 9 year olds when there are limited slots available seems the fairest way to do things in this case. I think that would be a lot easier for a child to accept than being judged on the basis of talent.

Not everyone is interested in going and it is on TV. Ideally, you'll probably want children who are actually interested in singing to be on TV.

When OP says 3 in her year didn't get in, there's also another 5 that didn't get in because they weren't interested in the first place. I imagine that is similar with Year 5 too.

She is 8, so while technically a pre teen - just as a two year old is a pre teen - she isn’t a pre teen in the usual sense of the word. There are still other children to eat with at lunch, either in her year, or the un chosen in Y5 or the other pre teens in Y3.

You still haven’t explained why Y6 are all in the choir even though they won’t be in the school after July.

💐 op, there are some really harsh replies on here.

I get that your daughters disability is relevant because of what you both have been through, because of all the things she's already missed. Some people seem to have had an empathy bypass.

And it must be doubly hard for her to accept not making the cut as she knows she's good at singing because of her choir experience.

Big hugs to you. Maybe step away from the thread, I doubt it's helping.

And sometimes there are things that are wrong and need to be challenged. It is also the role of adults to model this and advocate for children.

True and healthy resilience is not taught, it is acquired through support, stability and security.

Op, I hear you and I think the way this has been handled by the school shows very poor judgement. The damaging situation they have created was foreseeable and avoidable. I would be unhappy too, especially in a context where they have a history of carelessness in their decision-making and judgement.

I have actually read all your posts! I can only assume you mean this…

skippy67 · Yesterday 22:38
“If your kid had got in you wouldn't have a problem with the selection process. I get it.”
“If my DD had got in I probably wouldn’t have known much about it. DD didn’t say she was going to be auditioning, I didn’t know anything about this until she burst into tears the second she saw me.”

Except that doesn’t really cover it. If you HAD known about it and your daughter had got in you wouldn’t have a problem with the process. It’s only because she didn’t make the cut that you think it’s unfair.

Seriously, you’re far too hung up on this.

Op, if it were me, I would have a word and make my feelings known. The school needs to change their method of selection for children in that age group. It's not fair.

@LovelyBranches have you reached out to the school and had a conversation about what took place/any context to the audition and selection? That might be useful if you haven't already. In the conversation, if you want to, you can use it as a learning exercise for the teacher(s) in that they might not have realised the impact of excluding 3 kids in a year group of 15 kids who wanted to take part, including your (lesser abled) child.