AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

No, but there is a morality which seems to have been broken here that you don't select the majority of a group of 9 year olds and leave a very small number out for no identifiable reason.

If the children themselves did that it would be called bullying.

There is no law that states schools must include every child in the choir!

Please, teach your child to deal with disappointment or you're doing her a massive disservice as a parent.

Hi OP. I think you've had some unpleasant replies on here, but that's AIBU, I'm afraid. It attracts people who are hell bent on taking issue with anything and everything, just for fun.

I think you sound lovely and your reaction to this is totally understandable. It's awful behaviour by the school to leave 3 of the actual committed choir out, taking others who aren't even interested in singing over them. Talk about stamping on a young child's self esteem, especially given your DD's particular circumstances.

My kids school did something similar. It was an independent school with a choir teacher who took it all extremely seriously. There were about 40 in the year. Probably half didn't even want to be in the choir, but he made everyone audition at the end of Year 4. My kids were always in, but I remember one year, he left just one girl out of all the girls in a class. As if including her would have made any difference! She really wanted to be in with all her friends too - it was more important for her than for many of the boys who got in but didn't really care. She was not a really loud it out of tune singer either. I thought it was ridiculous..

If it's a small school as you say, could you just ask a teacher why she wasn't included? They must realise she is a keen singer and this was important to her?

I actually reckon they might have not given it to your daughter precisely because she does so much singing outside of school etc. They maybe decided that she would have plenty of opportunities regardless, and that to give other children who might not be involved in as much singing a chance at this was the fairer thing to do.

I also suspected the wheelchair could be the reason, probably due to access in the venue or arrangement in terms of teacher to student ratio.

Whatever the reason might be, I feel sorry for your DD. It is not easy to go through for her, but if you can, please support her and tell her it's not her fault/being less talented. Many things in life can just happen to be unfavorable with no fault of her own. Encourage her to move on and look for other opportunities. I know it's hard to tell a 9-year-old, I totally get it.

The same amount of children would be excluded though. The issue is that it sounds like a tiny school so only a small amount of children who are interested won't be able to take part which is nobody's fault.

9 year olds know what auditions are, especially those who are involved in similar things outside of school. Of course it's disappointing but you can't always be picked, that's just how it is with auditions.

Hopefully she will get her chance if another opportunity comes up. Maybe if they do it again next year.

They won't be practising every day, surely, and not forever? We all have to learn to deal with disappointments in life and move out of our comfort zone occasionally. Your daughter is not too young to learn that.

It's a pity she was not chosen but life is like that and we move on. There will be other opportunities for her.

That’s ridiculous. There were children at my school practically grade 8 at 11 years old often filling in for the teacher. One go so good she’d be playing the piano for the assembly hymns. I think of a parent had complained the school would have told them to encourage their child to practice more!

Nope . 3 out of year 4 who wanted to join. OP doesn't say how many out of year 5 and 6 not taking part

Oh, the old 'look at the greatest paralympian in the world, you could be just like them if only you didn't complain about the lack of a ramp or hearing loop to get into the building' trope.

Nobody tells non disabled people that they could easily run 100m in less than ten seconds if they just tried a bit bit harder and thought happy thought because Usain Bolt exists and they're just the same.

My reply was to your comment that DD has a disability, so this was her place to shine... How is her disability relevant when it comes to singing? It isn't at all.

One of my children has a physical disability too (middle rate DLA) and another was also born with a visible difference. I have spent years since they were both both travelling to hospital appointments and specialist hospitals miles away also. Treatments, clinics, GOSH. Its awful for them - and me. And if them or I wasn't resilient we'd probably be drowning in sorrow!! For both of them, learning resilience and knowing their achievements don't define them and their worth/wellbeing actually comes from who they are, in their hearts, not their talents etc is much more important to me than anything else.
Your DD was sad. It's frustrating, it is sad... But that's why you come alongside her and tell her you hear her big feelings and are there for her. Teach her how she can regulate and calm herself. Show her where she can find joy, even in the disappointment. Help her work through her emotions so she can improve her emotional literacy.

I suspect that the wheelchair may be the reason. The staff are concerned about access to the venue and how she would be able to be placed.

Instead of working through a way to include her they have rejected her.

At one level I agree because it causes stress, but also if there's zero competition ever, it also means kids who are good at things get no chance to shine.

I was a good musician in school and remember being chosen to play piano/keyboard with the school orchestra or to be piano accompanist for voice and instrumental soloists in concerts. Usually a teacher would do those parts as they were difficult, but I was doing grade 5 piano by P7. I was stopped from doing it though, because the parents of other piano playing children didn't like it as their similar aged kids were still doing grades 1-3 and couldn't have managed the parts.

The message you get from those kinds of experiences as a child with a talent is that people will dislike and resent you if you're too good at something and you'll be seen as a show off if you want opportunities to use your talent, and that it's not a positive thing because it makes others feel bad.

It’s a Christmas show, they are usually recorded months before Christmas!

Thats not the schools fault, she is crying due to poor parenting.

There may be an element that they know your DD sings out of school and are making sure others who don’t (or maybe even aren’t as good)- still get a chance to experience this kind of thing. It sounds like it’s something your DD loves and has potential in, and presumably she will get loads of opportunities as she goes through life. So it’s disappointing but also not a bad thing to learn how to handle feeling like this. Think of famous actors that talk amusingly about not getting certain parts in school plays - it’s just life and honestly not the end of the world.

Agreed. When I was about 10 we all had to audition for the choir- as in stand in front of the class and sing a hymn in front of to everyone. I had never publically sang before, was embarrassed and was awful. I thought in my head I couldn’t sing very well anyway.
I was one of only a few who didn’t get in. I wasn’t really bothered about not being in the choir but hit my confidence that I wasn’t picked and most were.
anyway spent my whole life thinking I was a terrible singer based on that moment. Realised when I got older actually sing better than average. Never going to be brilliant but naturally I can sing comfortably in tune.
it’s funny how small moments like that can have knock on effects

No.

There's 8 children but not going to be in it.

They clearly could only take 12 from Year 4.

I wouldn't be happy with my child missing every single lunchtime for months for this singing thing.

They need to be outside playing and talking and making up silly dances and mucking around.

I wouldn't be happy with my child missing every single lunchtime for months for this singing thing.

They need to be outside playing and talking and making up silly dances and mucking around.

I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable (and I think a lot if the mean commenters maybe don't really understand the context). Basically just 3 children in her year are now excluded from rehearsals that are a huge part of school life, and don't get to see much of their friends in lunch break - that's unreasonable of the school. You could maybe suggest to the school that these children are included in rehearsals at least so they don't feel so left out (if that's feasible, e.g. they could be spares in case anyone has to drop out of the event due to illness). But your daughter wasn't entitled to one of the places in the choir at the event. That bit's unreasonable.

Id wager you wouldn't be here complaining about it all had she got in.

Id wager you wouldn't be here complaining about it all had she got in.

I think it makes sense to audition, not everyone can sing and I’m assuming they perform publicly. They would be at risk of embarrassing children who can’t sing if they just let everyone in. Your DD needs to learn how to handle rejection, we all go through it. I can sympathise because my DD didn’t get the parts she went for in school plays at that age and was devastated- had to deal with the tears but you know, that’s life…

Age is irrelevant.
She didnt get picked on this occasion. She will not get picked for things on lots of occasions in life. We all want things we cant always have.
She could...........sit with other people at lunch.