AIBU to decline my sisters hen party due to cost and childcare?

I wouldn’t even be questioning your decision not to go. I am a people pleaser but even I would decline the invite. Say you’ll gladly join a local evening drinks thing etc but you can’t make overseas trip.

I clicked the wrong button YANBU.

Might be the odd one out here, but personally I can't believe the audacity of just assuming people can afford £1500 to spend on a destination hen party when in all likelihood that would mean no holiday with partner and child that year just to pay for this. I would just say, no, thank you. If anyone seriously gets upset, quite frankly I'd find that self-centered beyond belief. Although I am equally shocked about the lack of understanding when people with small children leave a wedding at 8.00pm.

I love Ibiza and would jump on this trip but your reasons for not going are very valid and in your situation I wouldn’t be going.

I go to Ibiza once a year and love it but I can afford it (it’s not cheap) and I don’t have disabled child nor is my husband losing out on income from me doing so.

I actually think it's ridiculous to have expensive hen/stag dos abroad. Let's say a husband and wife each have 3 friends getting married that year-that's 6 holidays before they even have their family holiday. It's not just the cost, assuming you have to take time off work too. If you're the Kardashians, go for it. For normal people, surely a night out in the local town is enough (and the teenagers in my family are the first to complain about OTT hen and stags, so maybe their generation will be less extravagant!)

You'd have thought she might have spent some time contemplating what went wrong the first time, and I'm sure it wasn't an insufficiently extravagant venue.

That's an odd stance to take. What if your friend or family member is getting married for the first time to someone who has been married before? Is that a second wedding?

I hate this "you have plenty of time to save" on something you don't want to do nonsense.

IMO £1500+ is a ridiculous amount to spend on a hen do. End of.

Hell no....it sounds a bloody nightmare.

I definitely wouldn't be going to the Ibiza hen do - ridiculous amount money, particularly if you factor in 3 days at least of paid work that your DP will lose. £1500 + (est) £500 = £2000 , nope, too much.

As for the (second within 8 years) wedding, it's all very well your sister saying she wants family to stay at the venue, but she's not paying for it - she's basically spending your money for you. Unless it's easier re your DC to stay online, I'd be looking for an air bnb nearby.

If sister kicks off, just say you have to l8ve within your actual budget, not what she thinks it should be.
Given what she said about you leaving her first wedding at 8pm, and how she often cancels meeting up with you, she sounds a bit of a nightmare, and going LC would be no hardship.

Just out of interest, how often has she babysat your DC to give you and DH a break?

If i had a family including SEN children and a husband, I wouldnt be spending £1500 on a best friend nevermind a sister who doesnt prioritise you.

Even if my husband kindly said we would make it work. Your children and huaband deserves you making cutbacks to get a family holiday together. not the sister who cancels last minute all the time.

Or maybe savings would be better spent elsewhere.

I would try to go for the weekend so at least you’re meeting her in the middle. 5 days at that cost is ridiculous, you won’t be the only one saying no.

Why are you so sure she could?

Don't you know of people that actually can't?

YANBU

Not a chance in hell I'd go to this in your position/this situation.

Your sister sounds high maintenance and highly entitled. I'd have no tolerance for her nonsense.

So if one of your family had been widowed and subsequently found happiness with a new partner, you wouldn't go to their wedding?

It's far far too expensive. I don't go to second weddings.

thats a huge amount of money for the hen and also the wedding itself. Any normal person would understand not everyone is going to be able to attend. If your sister kicks off, then she’s selfish.

I think anyone who organises a destination hen party that’s going to cost £1500, shouldn’t be surprised if people can’t make it. It’s bloody ridiculous. I went to a nice Italian restaurant in my hometown with my mum and some friends!
Bearing in mind your sister knows your circumstances, ie your disabled child and the fact your partner is self employed and would lose money on top of the hen party cost by not being able to work, I’m surprised she didn’t tell the MOH to keep it fairly local to keep costs down. For everyone!

If she wants a beach view, she could have picked a closer beach than Cornwall ffs! Even the Lakes would have been easier for everyone. The whole thing is sheer insanity, and it isn't even her first wedding which makes it worse.

Not to derail the OPs thread but what happened at your hen with people not getting on?

You don't have to go - just explain to her that it's difficult with childcare and cost but that you hope she has an amazing time and to take lots of photos! I am sure she will understand, while at the same time I know you don't want her to feel bad for having the hen celebration that she really wants.

It is irrelevant that she brings up what happened at her previous wedding (and shouldn't really in front of her new partner)

FWIW, I didn't go to my sister's hen do as I had recently been on quite a pricey trip with my teenagers (post covid / divorce )

She was a bit disgruntled but understood !
Hers was NOWHERE near as pricey as yours.

That is not a reasonable expectation (cost )

I have no time for people expecting others to go on hen dos abroad. It's fine if you want to arrange one but to actually expect people to give up that kind of time and money is incredibly inconsiderate, nevermind that this is her second wedding! She's being selfish so I would feel comfortable in being selfish back.
Tbh, if my sister had a disabled child, I'd have that in my mind when arranging my entire wedding. I'd make it so clear to her that I didn't expect her to attend the hen and would have tried to make all kinds of adjustments for the actual day so that she could maybe even enjoy it.