AIBU to decline my sisters hen party due to cost and childcare?

It isn't a birthday or a wedding though is it? It's a hen party and you literally said you would stop making much effort with anyone who wouldn't spend 1.5k on "celebrating you". Sorry you're so materialistic and self entitled 🎄

RTFT

Completely agree. If you read my initial post I said exactly that.

The quote you’ve jumped on was discussing whether it was Ok to not go just because it wasn’t your thing, even if you could afford it.

So you’re only prepared to be friends with people who can afford to spend lots of money “celebrating you” - nice.

A good friend wouldn't expect someone to spend 1.5k on them when they can't afford it. And if you guilt tripped them you are a really shitty person and I'd be dropping you like a stone.

Yes. Typically on special occasions, such as birthdays and weddings, we go out of our way to celebrate the people we love. Sorry if you haven’t experienced that 💐

I didn’t go to my sisters hen weekend in Marbella. It was expensive and that’s just not my scene. I did arrange a lovely spa day though for people who didn’t want to, or couldn’t go on the hen do abroad

What about the cost aspect? Presumably you wouldn't cold-shoulder someone just because they couldn't drop 1.5k on celebrating you?

to "celebrate you" really?

Honestly, if someone just didn’t want to celebrate me because it wasn’t their thing then I wouldn’t make much effort with them anymore.

It's a piss take expecting people to spend that money. Tell her you can't go, there must be others in the same boat. You can go for a meal or something locally seperately. It all seems a bit lavish and ott for a second wedding.

Sounds like she didn’t actually want you there or she would have sorted something suitable or told the person organising it that it wasn’t.

£1500 is ridiculous. How can anyone expect them to pay that amount just for a hen....even for a big destination wedding thats silly money. Does scream self centred to me!

I felt bad my hens paying £160 each for a weekend at Centerparcs.......

We even subbed quite a lot of the accomodation at our kwedding for those who had to make a long weekend of it where hotel prices went above premier inn level prices! I think we spent 3k on making sure noone would be out of pocket for attending

€1500 is crazy money for a hen do. Plus you'll lose out on family income as well with your DH being self employed. It's just not practical given your circumstances. You're doing more than enough going to the wedding!

It comes across as though you’re not particularly fond of her or approving of this wedding, especially with some of the comments you mentioned—so not going does seem like a reasonable decision, alongside the cost and childcare considerations.

Just wondering, was there any option for your DH to leave early with DC so you could have stayed longer at the previous wedding?

Agree! Crazy money even if it’s affordable! Have also heard more disappointments with these type of hen events than friends just going into local town to party type bars and just having a fun evening.

Out of 25, there's no way you will be the only one not going! Funny how 6 women suddenly shot onto the WhatsApp chat group and said they're going - and are soooo excited about it. (When you put your 'no can do' message!) Bit convenient!

I bet at least 4 or 5 others decline, and out of the other 19-20, a further 5 or 6 will not go. (Either will back out later, or will just not respond and hope she gets the message!) It's a stupid amount of money for a chuffing hen do! Not everyone is going to want to spend this, and when people think about it, they will come up with an excuse to not go! (Some of them, not all.) As some posters have said, some people will be relieved that someone else has been the first to say they can't attend ... No-one else will be rushing to decline, as they will let the dust settle from you declining... But a few more will decline... For sure.

A friend of my DD had a hen do in Croatia last year - one of the most expensive places in Europe, and she invited 27 women. 7 declined at the point of invitation - well, within 3-4 days, and a further 6 backed out a few weeks after the invitation (when they were being asked for the money for the booking (£1100 each! And I thought was obscene!!!) 14 went. Just half of what the bride invited! They did all go to the wedding though, that was only 15-25 miles from where most of them lived... DD went to the hen do, but I think she really wanted to go to Croatia, she could afford it, and she has no children, so didn't need to worry about care for them.)

Any response from your sister yet @Tairneanach

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25 people invited to the hen do! That's bigger than some weddings. You're not really going to be missed in such a large group and I think your response has been very sensible.

Could I afford it yes , would i spend that much on someone else's hen do ? Absolutely not .
Just be straight and tell her you can't afford it or afford for dh to take 5 days off . Absolutely ridiculous expecting people to pay that especially since its her 2nd wedding! When doing things like this you have to expect there will be people that can't attend .

Plus the wedding accommodation is ridiculously expensive as it is.

This.

She sounds very unreasonable. A second marriage with such an expensive hen do. The type that have to spend spend to be pretend to be happy.

I have to wonder as well whether it would even be much cheaper. The accommodation would probably be group in some way, whether that's shared rooms in a hotel or booking a self contained property like a villa. If so, can't really ask to pay 3/5 of one's equal share of the accommodation, since it's not like they're going to be able to get someone else into an apartment/shared room in a hotel to recoup the costs.

Presumably the spending money is less for a shorter period, but that's likely quite a small part of the cost.

Could you meet somewhere in middle and go for less time? Maybe fly out but get a earlier flight home. Not sure if that’s financially viable. Also most people who have a expenny abroad hen should have a home hen for those who can’t afford the lavish trip.. that’s what I did !

Fuck that shit. £1500 for a hen do in Ibiza! I wouldn't go even if I could. Ludicrous cost.

I don't know what it is these days but what's wrong with getting your girlfriends together for a meal, some cocktails and a club (for those that have the staying power)?

That is all I did for both of mine (married twice obviously) I would never want any of my friends to feel obliged to pay that much money for me.

@irishchick93