AIBU to decline my sisters hen party due to cost and childcare?

Seriously?
A young, distressed, disabled child was less important?

Some people just have no idea

So she’s having a second hen do on top of this one, and this less than ten years after her first wedding!

At least she has accepted gracefully that you won’t be going to the overseas hen holiday.

5 days isn't a 'Hen Do', it's just a holiday. It sounds dreadful too, I definitely wouldn't be going. Always seems a bit attention seeking when people opt for such ridiculous do's just because they are getting married.

God I wouldn't be annoyed. The bride was asking way too much!

Yes, come on! No need for such a drama! i mean for one night. The dad could have stayed with the kid after 8pm. What’s the issue?

She was unreasonable for putting her young, disabled child’s needs first?

you didn’t attend alone at least? I would be equally annoyed with you.

I mean leaving at 8pm first time around is unreasonable to fair. £700 to get the wedding it s ok not too bad but £1500 for a hen yes it’s too much!!

A spa weekend too? Seriously OP she is too much. How many times do you need to celebrate her getting married a second time?

Look after you and your family, if I were you I wouldn't be spending money to go on a hen do for a sister who doesn't understand my child's situation.

Far better as will be much cheaper and more local and maybe one night away if stay over but can be done in a day

No you are not being unreasonable.

1. You cannot afford it and 2. It is totally impractical for 5 days for most with children let alone a disabled one

She should understand. You are making the wedding and thats the main thing.

My sister gave me less than 5 months notice that she was getting married abroad, no direct flights so with change of flights etc it was a 24 hour journey each way and 2k each for travel. Theres 4 of us. Plus a hotel for 10 days as there were 2 days of pre wedding celebrations and a dress rehearsal and then a party the day after the wedding as well. So would have cost in excess of 12k for the 4 of us with food, transport whilst there, outfits etc etc. We were expected to take the kids off school and get fined, take time unpaid off work as we had both used all of our holiday and the best bit was because we had been to Cuba we needed visas which took 9m to get 🙄
I therefore missed the wedding as it was just impossible to get an appointment in time. She's been vile over it. You will soon find out if your sister is reasonable and loves you or if she is self absorbed and entitled like mine is.

I suppose the only good thing was at least we didnt have to get a loan out to pay for it all.

Weddings have got totally out of hand but so have people's expectations. What happened to a nice meal with everyone which is what I had many years ago? It should be about family and friends not being as Flashy as possible

She is having a SPA weekend too?!

Apologies if I picked up on a negative tone or judgement that wasn’t there.
From your update, it sounds like she really does value your presence—she’s disappointed but understanding, and has suggested something that works for you both. Glad it seems to have worked out for both sides

£1500! That’s ridiculous! Not many could afford that, even if I could I wouldn’t, what is it with hen dos costing so much. And it’s not just the cost as you say, leaving your child, your partner having to take time off work etc, I’d just be honest, and if she insists on having a hen do abroad she needs to understand bit every she wants there will be there.

Base cost is £1.5k estimated.

I read that to mean "flights and accommodation" is approx £1.5k. That's the base cost. Food, alcohol, matching outfits, cost of compulsory activities etc. etc. are all extra and will spiral out of control.

I think you made the right decision.

Wow. Even the spa weekend will likely cost a lot!!

why do so many people have multiple hens nowadays. Where does all the money come from??

I think you’ve done the right thing. I noted you said the 1.5k was a base estimate. Base meaning they’ll be extras. And now with fuel and food going up too, by 2027 the cost will have risen a lot.

When your sister is having a 5 day overseas hen at a cost of £1500 plus spends, on top of the wedding being 6 hours away and with an instance of staying at an expensive venue overnight, I don't think anything beyond a brief no thanks is warranted at all.

I think declining your own sisters Hen needs more than a brief 'no thanks'

£1500 and annual leave for a hen do? I'd quickly be telling them to fuck off if they started being arsey about me declining.

Who the fuck do people actually think they are??

Clearly not. Of course if you can’t afford it then non attendance isn’t an issue, that had already been established earlier in the exchange.

Jumping on the quote then to exclaim outrage for those who can’t afford it was therefore redundant. You would have known that if you had indeed RTFT

Honestly, I suspect loads of people will say yes initially and when the costs start adding up (and they will!) most people will drop out. That’ll bump up the costs for those who do go. Far better to be honest and bow out now than pretend you can go and let her down later.
I’m always gobsmacked at how people expect others to fork out extortionate amounts for their hen/stag parties and weddings. I had mine at my local seaside town and we had a right laugh!
Spa weekend locally sounds very pleasant, an ideal break for you and time with her. Good compromise.

I completely understand why the OP isn’t going, and I agree that when it’s a hen do abroad—especially with time away from kids, taking leave from work, and the added expense—it’s not always feasible or appealing for everyone.

That said, I seem to be in the minority here, but I’ve actually had some brilliant weekends away on hen dos! They don’t fill us all with dread!

Why do people think that others would be delighted to go on a hen weekend with others they haven’t chosen to spend time with, may not know, don’t have a say in activities, use precious annual leave and pay through the nose for?

Honestly, even without taking into consideration your child’s needs and husbands annual leave the above would be a hard no.

Your sister sounds hard work OP. You have my sympathies.