AIBU to decline my sisters hen party due to cost and childcare?

Unless pp's child is also severely disabled like OP's child, surely what she does with her own child is irrelevant?

OP left the last wedding because her child was distressed and at a higher risk of a seizure. Is a wedding you've already been at for hours really more important than that? I don't think so.

Devastated? Are you generally one for dramatic responses?

If a bride chooses a destination hen do, she will have to learn to cope if people can't go, for whatever reason (money, kids, lack of annual leave etc).

You need to practice your reading comprehension.

12k to go to a wedding? That would absolutely be a no from me without even considering the unpaid leave, kids missing school, 24 hours travel x2, and 5 months notice!

I'm amazed that she would even expect that of you and your family. Self absorbed for sure.

Just seen your update. Well done. Spa day in uk would be much more reasonable.

Who exactly gave you grief for leaving with your disable DC from the first wedding - at the reasonable time of 8pm under the circumstances? Do they care about your DC? Is she the bullying older sister? Don’t be bullied. Just say you can’t but happy to arrange a night out for those who can’t like you suggest. How old is this entitled Bridezilla?

Sorry but the OP said that that if she goes to the hen for 5 days, the partner will need to get 5 days off which is of course it’s a lot and it doesn’t make sense to do so. But she never mentioned that that the kid could not be the dad alone for sometime other than the issue with the annual leave. So that’s why I found it strange that she couldn’t stay longer on the day of the first wedding.

I have an idea which country they are talking about, and it can take several months to get a visa if you have been to Cuba. Nine months is a ridiculous amount of time to wait though.

She said she needed a visa because she's been to Cuba. That would be an odd way to phrase it if she were talking about Cuba. Additionally, the UK absolutely does have direct flights there, as a very simple google would've shown you. I suspect I can guess where this wedding was, actually, but I won't say it in case the poster doesn't want it included. It's quite a bit further away than Cuba though.

Additionally, common sense does not tell us that because most people haven't actually been to Cuba. If the bride and groom never have, they may not even have known that the country they were going to would to impose additional visa requirements because of somewhere a couple of guests once went on holiday to.

You've done the right thing in saying no right from the beginning of the planning. Best to get it out of the way and give everyone clarity.

I wouldn't go in your position. I doubt you know many of the others.

Have a nice meal and family celebration. You don't measure love or celebrate marriage based on five day trips abroad.

I'd be careful not to over apologise because you've done nothing wrong and trying to say sorry often gives the impression you are somehow in the wrong (especially to the unreasonable). If she kicks off, ask if she can look after your son so you and your husband can have an anniversary celebration (I know she can't/won't but if celebration of marriage is everything.....)

If you have any spare money, I'd be extending the trip to Cornwall for some family time. A lot of the caravan parks have adapted accommodation etc. It's a long journey for two nights, especially with a disabled child.

I presume Cuba the way it is phrased but no matter where the wedding was common sense says that even if she needed 9 m for a visa the same it would be for the couple that was getting married and many of the guests. So clearly something is off there.

As the poster didn't specify which country the wedding was held in but did say it took 9 months to get visas, what exactly did you google?

You don't know the dynamic. DD was medically vulnerable as a child and DH was as competent at looking after her as I was, but when she was distressed or ill she wanted her mum not her dad. The OP didn't want to risk her child having a seizure, so they left.

You still don't get it.

That’s BS. Sorry to say that but a very simple google and you ll find out that it doesn’t require that long no matter what passport you hold. Usually it’s a few days to weeks.

How was she going to do that when she needed a visa that took 9 months to get, but was given only 5 months notice?

Tbh with 3 children and cost of living we would have to say no to most of it. People are fast to spend other people's money today.

I never said the kid to stay. It absolutely makes sense to leave. But he/she can go home with his dad and the mum can stay longer. so How that is weird?? You never ever separate from your kids for a couple of hours??? It looks like the kid has a dad. If he/she didn’t then it would make sense for the mum to go

It’s a bit OTT to have a wedding where you insist guests stay at a hotel which seems to be £250/night, a £1500 Ibiza hen do & also a spa weekend. Bearing in mind it’s her second wedding in 8 years. Who can afford to attend all of these events?

YANBU to not attend especially in the context of your son’s medical needs. She is being a bit of a bridezilla.

£1500? It woukd be a no thank you.

The second hen is still a weekend away- i cannot imagine expecting this of friends unless they were all pretty much ladies of leisure with substantial funds for that kind of thing.

I was going to say yanbu without even reading the details, but taking into account the costs involved and your child’s needs YADNBU
And she should be able to see that, family relationships work both ways, she can’t expect everything her own way, however extreme, just because she’s getting married (again)

Some narcissistic and heartless people just have no idea. Ignore these stupid comments.