AIBU to decline my sisters hen party due to cost and childcare?

its good that you had a second option that was more viable and your sister invited you to that. Hope you have a chance to relax at the spa and have a good time.

Also some people hate this kind of hen so anyway, so spending 2k to be there and sorting everything at home in advance, partner taking annual leave etc….it’s a massive massive ask. If you don’t want to go, don’t go and don’t feel guilty. I would never ever have expected people to do an abroad hen do!!

You could easily flip this and say if someone really wants to be there, they’d go out of their way to find a way to be there. It works both ways. With a hen do, there are multiple people to consider so you can’t factor the plans all around one person. For various reasons the OP can’t do a weekend away so how would her sister go out of her way to make it possible for her?

Hang on, she’s having a spa weekend as well?

And this is her second wedding?

so she’s had two weddings and three hen dos in just 8 years. She sounds like a dick

dont feel bad. Honestly, dont!

Completely fine to decline. you won’t be the only one who cant afford it

I disagree, if you really want someone there for something you go out of your way to make it possible.

Who in this day and age expects people to fork out £1500 for a hen holiday and then more money on a second spa weekend hen. She’s sounds like a spoilt 15 yr old rather than a 38 yr old woman on her second round of hens!

That is a bizarre take. It’s unrealistic to expect a group event to be tailored to one person, even if they are close family.

There are almost hourly flights from airports to Ibiza - could you possibly book into the same hotel for two night or perhaps one, taking an early flight there, and a late flight home?

It would hugely reduce the cost, and allow more balance with childcare.

Flights to Ibiza are short, just a couple of hours, and you would only need hand luggage for a night or two which again will save you a lot of money.

If you don't want to go, don't go.
I didn't do my sisters hen night and that was just a night out at an Abba tribute show.
I can't stand Abba or a couple of the people who were also planning to be there, so I simply told her that I didn't want to go.
It didn't affect anything else about the wedding because I was still her MOH.

This - far too expensive and your DC should always come first if they don't understand that, l would not bother with them.

If your sister wanted you at the hen do, she'd change it to accommodate you.

I think it was pretty obvious to those of us who'd actually read your post properly why you couldn't have managed to get there!

You will be correct. My sister lives there and therefore has no need for visas. We are a small family - only us and my dad who had not been to cuba before so he luckily had a shorter wait than us. She refused to move the date and told me 'make it if you can' then complained when we unfortunately couldnt manipulate government channels! We had no idea when we went to Cuba that this would impact on any visas in the future and when we went my sister lived in the UK anyway. She had only met this man 4 months before she announced the wedding so its not like any of us expected a wedding either (although my sister is definitely the type to be a total bridezilla as proved to be the case).

I have a lovely email from the embassy apologising for the long waits (we applied in May immediately and got an appointment for the following year at the end of january!! So Feb before the passports came through) but they didnt offer any way of bringing the appointment forward. At the time the Internet was full of people complaining about the waits but unless I had got in illegally there was absolutely nothing I could do!

Abbey has made some other inappropriate comments on the thread about the OP showing she has little consideration or empathy for other people's home lives and situations. If she wants to call it BS feel free - its not sadly, i have multiple appointment confirmation and emails as proof otherwise

If you select See All in the OP's first post it will just bring up all the OP's updates. Something I do when the thread is very long.

How could I attend? You didnt read the post I couldnt get a visa in time to even be allowed into the country. The visa wait was 9 months. She gave me 5 months notice. If we could have got visas we all would have gone and be in massive debt

Expecting me to get a consulate to make an exemption is unreasonable

You're not unreasonable at all. Be prepared to find out who your sister really is, though. The entitlement around weddings is insane.

EDIT: She has actually already shown you who she is, giving you trouble over leaving her first wedding to prioritise your child, which was mad of her.

Personally, I wouldn't spend that much money on a second wedding hen. She has unreasonable expectations.

The details about the child’s conditions were NOT mentioned in the original post. I responded to the post without reading all the comments. Also, if it were my child, I might not have brought them to the wedding at all—for their own safety and well-being—and maybe I would have left them at home with their dad. But again, I’m not in her shoes, so it’s hard to judge.
My point is that when you need support, whether in good times or bad, you would expect your sister to be there for you, so it might be nice to do the same in return. That’s all!

The obtuse responses to the parent of a child with 3 conditions to cope with are staggering. Have you any idea at all if OP's child was well and happy at that time? After a whole day of it? Showing signs of having a seizure perhaps?
What exactly is going to happen after 8pm? Is the music going to get quieter? Is everyone going to start sobering up and dimming the disco lights for the sake of the child? Jesus Christ.

It does.. but it could also be a big undershoot as well, depending on what they want to do. Ibiza can be incredibly expensive. Doesn't have to be, but definitely somewhere you could drop hundreds or worse on drinks and eating out in 5 days if you didn't give a shit.

1500 for 5 days in Ibiza? That sounds really expensive 🤔

Nobody should feel they can expect you to spend that much, especially since you have the wedding itself to spend on later on...

Sorry I missed that. Yes, it makes sense.

Absolutely not! The kids health is of course priority. I just commented based on OP’s main post that she doesn’t mentioned anywhere anything about seizure. If it was mentioned in response to another comment I haven’t seen that.

Could you boy go for a shorter period such as 3 days? The break might do you good!