AIBU to decline my sisters hen party due to cost and childcare?

What if your sister couldn't afford to?

Yes, wedding venue accommodation is always pricey. Does that mean she gets an overall discount? It's a lot to shell out.

How are you “sure she could” save the money? Are you aware of her monthly income and expenses?

I'm clearly in the minority here but its your sister, yes you would be unreasonable not to go. You've got time to save and organise things. I'd be devastated if my sister didnt come to my hen do.

It’s entirely up to OP if she wants to save money for this, I’m sure she could if she wanted to. I don’t necessarily agree with hen dos abroad though as they are expensive.

Just because she has time to save doesn’t mean she has money to save! You know many people have nothing left over at the end of the month.

And if even if she could save the required amount, why should she have to spend it on someone’s hen do just to make sure they don’t have a meltdown about her not attending? It’s probably not her first choice of how to blow £1500 that she’s worked hard to save.

It's very sensible to tell her straightaway that you can't come to the hen do. I imagine others will be backing out later on as they realise that the £1500 estimate is not the actual cost, so you're being very responsible by not messing anyone around.

I like your idea of going out for a meal with her (or with her and some other friends) instead. That will make it clear that you do care and recognise this is a big thing for her. And of course, sounds like you've already committed to going to some trouble to attend the wedding itself. If that isn't enough for her then there's no pleasing her!

The damn cheek of people to expect othes to spend that on a hen do.
They might not even still be together then anyway.

no need to give a reason, i think, unless asked. If you have a "destination hen party" you have to accept that some people won't go for many different reasons.

Just say, "no thank you, i won't be attending, have a great time. I can't wait to hear about it" and that is it. No reasons, no excuses, no lies, nothing.

Could she not organise a UK trip? I think as its the second time around, costs will be cheaper (although I don't know what she did for the first wedding).

Luckily I have never been involved in a hen party but I would have assumed they happened the first time round, not every time she decided to tie the knot , If the OP were to go for this 5 day extravaganza, her husband would be taking 5 days from his holiday entitlement thus possibly restricting their family holiday.
Tell her you'll go to the next, 3rd, hen party!

I would tell them you think they’re all bonkers but hope they have a great time without me.

Absolutely, and I'm sure that family savings could be put towards something more useful.

Ok course it’s not unreasonable to not attend something that is very expensive and impractical.

maybe do something separate with your sister instead - something along the lines of a spa day or theatre trip or lunch/meal out

Maybe this sort of break is the last thing OP wants - I certainly wouldn't consider it a break, sounds like a nightmare to me.

YANBU. Its so unreasonable of people getting married to put their guests in this situation. Utterly selfish.

there aren’t many people that can afford to drop £1500 and 5 days of annual leave on a hen. It’s unreasonable to expect everyone to come.
just say it’s too expensive. You don’t need to explain yourself any further. It’s a party invitation not a court summons.

Yanbu at all.

It’s a huge ask from anyone to take all that time and spend all that money for a hen do. That’s before you even get to the complications of a disabled child. Just say no and if she gets in a huff then let her - it’s her who would be unreasonable.

Quite.

DD went on one last year - one of her closest old friends. It was 4 days in Ibiza - and they were all made to share the cost of the bride attending between them. So the flight/accomodation was around £1000 as the MOH had booked a villa with a pool. Only what none of them realised was that the villa was so far out of the resort centre that they had to use taxis 2 or 3 times a day, and adding on food/drink and going into a club/boat trip she ended up spending nearly £1000 on top. She was absolutely furious as she was mid renovation on her house with her fiance at the time and said she could have carpeted their living room with that £2k. She's since refused any other invites if they are abroad as the spending can quickly spiral out of control.

YANBU at all to say no, especially if it's a second marriage. Tell her to get a grip.

Fuck off, £1500 for a bloody hen do?! I’m not against a hen do abroad or weekend away or whatever but that’s absolutely taking the piss. YANBU, don’t feel you need to even apologise, anyone with half a brain cell would be able to see £1500 on a hen weekend is bound to be financially exclusionary for some!

It's perfectly reasonable to decline any hen/stag/wedding that will cost the guests hundreds of pounds imo. I think it's proper CF territory but seems to be normal these days :/

Just be straight from the off. Sorry it’s too much and too long. You guys have fun we can have a night out to celebrate locally.
You won’t be the only one who can’t/ won’t want to go

There are certainly people with a lot of disposable income.

And many people with a lot of outstanding credit.