AIBU to decline my sisters hen party due to cost and childcare?

My sister is getting married in July 2027 and due to the location it will cost us £700 in travel and accommodation to attend. There is currently a destination hen party being planned for May 2027, 5 days in Ibiza, which is going to cost around £1500 each if the MOHs estimates are correct.

Will I be unreasonable to say I won't be able to attend the hen party? Partially due to the costs, but I also have a severely disabled child and don't think 5 days away will be feasible as it will mean my partner will have to take 5 days holiday from work for me to attend.

I would hope they'd be understanding, but this is my sister's second marriage and a lot of agro was given to me for leaving her first wedding at 8pm due to my child (who was a lot younger at the time) becoming distressed due to the noise, busy environment etc and it was stated that I could just not prioritise him and celebrate my sister since its her day.

Hoping to get some advice on whether this is reasonable of me to decline, and if so what could I say to not cause any drama?

Its her second wedding! Who has a 5 day hen for that? AND she is hoping for a second spa weekend hen. Better get saving for her third wedding 'hen do!'
Seriously if you can't afford it dont go - sister seems to have accepted that
Perhaps on the group you could offer to arrange a 'home hen' - night out in Manchester or desired spa weekend.
On your topic of air bnbs/cottages being cheaper than the wedding hotel, I'd say no chance in Cornwall in JULY and probably much easier to stay at the wedding hotel. You can dip out for a lie down/relax - decompress with your child for a bit. Couldn't do that at off site accommodation.

Honestly, if someone just didn’t want to celebrate me because it wasn’t their thing then I wouldn’t make much effort with them anymore.

My sister is getting married in July 2027 and due to the location it will cost us £700 in travel and accommodation to attend. There is currently a destination hen party being planned for May 2027, 5 days in Ibiza, which is going to cost around £1500 each if the MOHs estimates are correct.

Will I be unreasonable to say I won't be able to attend the hen party? Partially due to the costs, but I also have a severely disabled child and don't think 5 days away will be feasible as it will mean my partner will have to take 5 days holiday from work for me to attend.

I would hope they'd be understanding, but this is my sister's second marriage and a lot of agro was given to me for leaving her first wedding at 8pm due to my child (who was a lot younger at the time) becoming distressed due to the noise, busy environment etc and it was stated that I could just not prioritise him and celebrate my sister since its her day.

Hoping to get some advice on whether this is reasonable of me to decline, and if so what could I say to not cause any drama?

I am a big believer in maintaining a sense of self and not sacrificing yourself on the altar of motherhood.

Imagine thinking some of us have a choice 🙄 My husband and I have had zero help in any way, shape or form, for 20 years.

My sister is getting married in July 2027 and due to the location it will cost us £700 in travel and accommodation to attend. There is currently a destination hen party being planned for May 2027, 5 days in Ibiza, which is going to cost around £1500 each if the MOHs estimates are correct.

Will I be unreasonable to say I won't be able to attend the hen party? Partially due to the costs, but I also have a severely disabled child and don't think 5 days away will be feasible as it will mean my partner will have to take 5 days holiday from work for me to attend.

I would hope they'd be understanding, but this is my sister's second marriage and a lot of agro was given to me for leaving her first wedding at 8pm due to my child (who was a lot younger at the time) becoming distressed due to the noise, busy environment etc and it was stated that I could just not prioritise him and celebrate my sister since its her day.

Hoping to get some advice on whether this is reasonable of me to decline, and if so what could I say to not cause any drama?

I agree it’s the right decision for her not to go for various reasons but I think the OP came on here for everyone to agree that her sister is an entitled bridezilla and it just comes across that she doesn’t really like her very much and that the relationship isn’t great. By her own admission she said they’re not close so yeah, probably for the best she isn’t going. Interesting that her DH wasn’t ‘up in arms’ about the idea but she’s got the validation she was seeking here anyway

The details about the child’s conditions were NOT mentioned in the original post. I responded to the post without reading all the comments. Also, if it were my child, I might not have brought them to the wedding at all—for their own safety and well-being—and maybe I would have left them at home with their dad. But again, I’m not in her shoes, so it’s hard to judge.
My point is that when you need support, whether in good times or bad, you would expect your sister to be there for you, so it might be nice to do the same in return. That’s all!

I wouldn't have felt comfortable staying while they left when my child was distressed from a long busy day and therefore more at risk of an epileptic seizure. The wedding ceremony itself was at 1pm so we stayed for 7 hours after the ceremony but left once we started to realise he couldn't cope anymore, as not to ruin her night. I guess I could have stayed longer while my partner took him home, but I prioritised his safety. He has cerebral palsy, epilepsy and autism so quite a complex profile of needs and back then we were still learning.

Might be the odd one out here, but personally I can't believe the audacity of just assuming people can afford £1500 to spend on a destination hen party when in all likelihood that would mean no holiday with partner and child that year just to pay for this. I would just say, no, thank you. If anyone seriously gets upset, quite frankly I'd find that self-centered beyond belief. Although I am equally shocked about the lack of understanding when people with small children leave a wedding at 8.00pm.

you would expect your sister to be there for you, so it might be nice to do the same in return.

My sister has never offered me any form of support in the last 11 years, and has always been flakey cancelling plans last minute anyway so are you saying I should offer the same thing to her? You seem to think my sister who is getting married has been a very supportive dream sister all this time 😅 we are friendly, but we aren't close and I was pretty much cut off once people didn't want to deal with my life being different/having a child that wasn't your typical "fun cute toddler", which I get because it's hard for them to relate to. But let's not pretend she's been an amazing sister and I'm being a bitch by prioritising my own life over her hen party.