Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

It goes deeper than that though it starts from the minute those children are conceived.
Appreciate nobody knows the ins and outs of other people’s marriages
And obviously you can only speak for your own experience
But why is he so financially far ahead of the mother of these children?
My experience and the experience of every woman I know is that he’s done that on the back of her domestic labour during the marriage and then expects to somehow magically even things up when he’s got a 10-15 year head start.
Again my experience is that 50-50 is never 50-50 for the other parent. Sometimes you’re doing 50-50 with another woman you’ve never met. Who standards may or might not align with yours.

Ridiculous, but you aren’t the only people that think it, as you say the courts agree with you

@Haystackhunting sounds like you got the shitty end of the stick with your ex. :(

There you go. That's the difference here. Pops is doing 50% of the grunt work as well as contributing more than 50% financially.

Without getting into your situation the OP situation was 50/50 so both had time for careers and both had time with the kids

No one was on the breadline
Dad was fully involved in every way

Your post makes it clear your situation wasn't like this BUT OP situation was very equal in relation to child care. Child responsibility and child costs.

Sadly, my children probably would’ve been better off being raised by wolves than with the other parents so it was up to me to step up but I most definitely was the poor bastard
As are millions of women
But we must pretend that we’re enjoying every moment of the grinding bone aching work
And don’t forget to smile

Tbh anyone who feels they're a poor bastard who has to raise their kids and needs thanks for it has kids who are probably better of with the other parent anyway.

So what?
Balance that with having an unhindered career and unhindered social life you can go and make more children with other people. That’s what the non-resident parent usually does there’s no glory in it
And as you’ve read on here, other women are gunning for you to be in a worse situation
You can only imagine what the courts are like
Fuck it I say
I’ve seen too many women try to raise their children on the bread line only to have the ungrateful children throw it all back in their face and think that the sun shines out of the other parties’s arse
When they didn’t lift a finger to raise those children

Yeah doing the grind and grunt work which the other parent has the fun bit. I fully understand the PP point

If thanks is more important than time with your kids then that would be the best solution all round.

No thanks maybe, but you do get to spend all that time with your kids.

If I had my time again, I would’ve just give them The kids walk away and have them every other weekend.
You get no thanks for being the poor bastard that has to raise them

@Haystackhunting would your opinion change if the father was earning £60k and took the mother to court for a greater share of childcare costs, despite the mother actually already contributing more in a 50/50 care arrangement?

And how is pushing to the point of him losing all good will toward the OP and now having one of the CB payments (so the Op is £77ish a month down already) which will allow him to go to tribunal and have it legally declared that he doesn’t have to pay the OP anything remotely a better position than the current one she had?

So, you do as the OP is doing (and the other unfortunate woman in the other thread) and take him to court to order him to pay more and end up with nothing. Sweet FA. Sometimes it pays to know when you're on to a good thing and not push your luck.

And your posts say a lot about your own experience which may or may not be the same as the OPs so it is not worth projecting. There is a poster with almost the exact experience who has come on to give advice after having a very similar thread last year and she has warned OP about the likely outcome

As could she.

Well, that says a lot about you as a person

It doesn’t matter because it’s his choice to pay for the extras and at any time he could withdraw his decision as opposed to being ordered to pay. That’s the difference as I see it.

OP admitted he paid a lot of extras and they are 50/50 care

"We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.

I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! "

Yeah it's definitely the dad who's only concerned with money and control 😂😂😂

Hoping for a lovely satisfactory no cm to be paid and OP having to pay back the money she's gotten already as well as losing one lot of child support and spunking money on a BL.

She literally said it’s about the money! He has money for fancy holidays and she doesn’t so she looks as a the poorer parent and she doesn’t like it!

It is what will see the OP fail at tribunal for CMS though as they can view evidence of shared care to determine it. Rather than only using CB

It does. When there’s no shared care court order and the CB is in payment then CMS have their hands tied because of how their system is set up.

I thought Regulation 50 of The Child Support Maintenance Calculation Regulations 2012 dealt with shared care?
Which usually means none is payable.
I'm assuming that the 2 children and CB has complicated this situation?

And what ops doing about what love for her children or controlling money.

He already does 50% time. He was paying 50% shared stuff. Offered 100% shared stuff.

But no no only cold hard cash in ops hand no compromise.