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Original poster

Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

465 replies

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 14:34

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice.

We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Weeelokthen · 22/03/2026 18:17

If this a genuine post,
Wow, just wow.

EwwPeople · 22/03/2026 18:16

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 17:38

Ok I did not expect it to blow up like this, from my perspective it does not seem at all fair if he has all the money which he could spend on the children and I don't have access to the same.We agreed through divorce and actually I came out with almost 70% of the assets and half of his pension, no spousal maintenance was due and that is what was agreed then but that was a few years ago. And they did say that during divorce if the children were 50/50 then there is no CMS due but that does not appear to be the case as they have already awarded it to me and he is paying it, so clearly there is! It is not fair to make me go to a tribunal at my own expense to have to fight this he should pay the CM that they have said is due! He can afford it comfortably. We both have our own careers and when we were together we all benefited from his salary and now the children do not benefit from his salary when they are with me so he can afford to take them on lavish holidays whereas I cannot so I look like the poorer parent. I am going to fight this and I am going to show that I do more than he does and I am going to win at the tribunal and I am also going to contest his CB claim as he cannot even get the money so that is taking it away from me. A few of you have said I can challenge this through a court so if the tribunal route does not make things fair then that will have to be next.

Are you seriously trying to claim that your kids cost more than £1000 (800 from him and let’s say 200 from you) for the two weeks a month you have them?

Tacohill · 22/03/2026 18:12

and now the children do not benefit from his salary when they are with me so he can afford to take them on lavish holidays whereas I cannot so I look like the poorer parent.

The children aren’t missing out.
YOU are missing out and it’s embarrassing if you want your ex to pay for your holidays.

I am assuming this isn’t real as it’s ridiculous wanting your ex to pay for your lifestyle.

I wonder how you’d feel if he gave up work and you had to pay him maintenance.

MoFadaCromulent · 22/03/2026 18:10

" I look like the poorer parent."

You are the poorer parent

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/03/2026 18:09

The court have taken into account your lesser earnings at the point of splitting the assets. You’ve done really well in the split as a result.

But that’s the end now.

You would get maintenance if doing more than 50% but not at 50:50. Because you each pay for the kids during your time.

Once a former couple is divorced, they can each earn what they earn and it doesn’t matter if it’s “fair”. It doesn’t matter if one parent is poorer, that’s just life. If you had the kids more, then fair enough, he’d pay his bit more to cover for that, but at 50:50 it is mind boggling that you think you should get a share of his money just so that you can in some way “keep up”.

CinnamonBuns67 · 22/03/2026 18:09

Yabu as it's 50/50 so niether of you should get anything off the other for child maintenance. He has his expenses for the children at his home, you have your expenses for the children when they are with you. Only thing I would say he should reimburse you for is half towards school trips or the rare large school expense assuming you can't just pay half seperately and that certainly isn't going to be anywhere near £800 per month.

harriethoyle · 22/03/2026 18:08

You’re the same previous poster aren’t you?

Random321 · 22/03/2026 18:05

70% assets, 50% pension, 50% custody and both child benefits but it's still not enough for you.

Your sense of entitlement is ridicolous and he's calling time in it.

A wiser person would withdraw their claim subject to him not seeking one CB, but you won't, you'll fight and you'll lose.

Ponderingwindow · 22/03/2026 18:05

Where I live, the income disparity would mean that even in a 50/50 situation, the higher earner would pay significant cms. I don’t live in the uk though.

scoobydeedoo · 22/03/2026 18:05

I think you are deluded OP, 70% you came out with and half his pension. This must be a reverse, surely no one is this silly.

ProlongedAffair · 22/03/2026 18:04

I am the poster from the other thread. Someone posted your thread on my one.

OP I know where you are coming from with doing more and also more when they were younger. Then your ex swans in when they are older with 50/50 and things are easier. I will just tell you what happened to me.

My ex earns more. CMS awarded me child maintenance for both my sons and told me it’s due on 50/50. He put in a rival child benefit claim for one of our children and was awarded it, even though he can’t get any of the money. CMS also then let him claim child maintenance from me for that child. Since then, both of our children has moved in with him as he’s basically alienated them by saying I am greedy, a gold digger etc. They now both live with him and don’t see me, don’t talk to me and he gets both child benefits (but none of the money) and gets child maintenance from me for both as well. So I would say be very very careful as you might end up with your ex going full revenge mode on you and your children being alienated and also having to pay him as unfair as it is. Oh and there’s also a tribunal pending for all the money he did have to pay me as enforced through CMS, he’s trying to get it all back and I’ve no idea what the judge will say.

BMW6 · 22/03/2026 18:02

Why don't you get a job that pays as much as his does?

If he was earning a lot less than you would you be happy to pay him CMS???

Saladbrains · 22/03/2026 18:01

Your entitlement gives single mums a terrible rep.
You’re being utterly unreasonable and grabby.

ElectricLegs · 22/03/2026 18:00

OP why don’t you just get a better paid job?

BringBackCatsEyes · 22/03/2026 17:59

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 17:38

Ok I did not expect it to blow up like this, from my perspective it does not seem at all fair if he has all the money which he could spend on the children and I don't have access to the same.We agreed through divorce and actually I came out with almost 70% of the assets and half of his pension, no spousal maintenance was due and that is what was agreed then but that was a few years ago. And they did say that during divorce if the children were 50/50 then there is no CMS due but that does not appear to be the case as they have already awarded it to me and he is paying it, so clearly there is! It is not fair to make me go to a tribunal at my own expense to have to fight this he should pay the CM that they have said is due! He can afford it comfortably. We both have our own careers and when we were together we all benefited from his salary and now the children do not benefit from his salary when they are with me so he can afford to take them on lavish holidays whereas I cannot so I look like the poorer parent. I am going to fight this and I am going to show that I do more than he does and I am going to win at the tribunal and I am also going to contest his CB claim as he cannot even get the money so that is taking it away from me. A few of you have said I can challenge this through a court so if the tribunal route does not make things fair then that will have to be next.

"Your Dad earns more so is able to do different things with you. Thankfully I earn a good salary so everyone's doing fine. Oh and as part of the divorce, I did get 70% of the joint assets, which reflected the difference in earning. So you see boys, even when parents split up, a good co-parenting arrangement can be found".

Enjoy your sons OP and don't risk ruining relationships all over the place.

TheGirlWhoLived · 22/03/2026 17:59

Wow you are making a huge mistake, you earn less money- why would you now be entitled to his money?! The kids will if they share with him. If you force this you absolutely will be worse off- there’s no other option. You will lose the child benefit, you may also lose more, there’s literally nothing to gain

Nottodaythankyou123 · 22/03/2026 17:59

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 17:38

Ok I did not expect it to blow up like this, from my perspective it does not seem at all fair if he has all the money which he could spend on the children and I don't have access to the same.We agreed through divorce and actually I came out with almost 70% of the assets and half of his pension, no spousal maintenance was due and that is what was agreed then but that was a few years ago. And they did say that during divorce if the children were 50/50 then there is no CMS due but that does not appear to be the case as they have already awarded it to me and he is paying it, so clearly there is! It is not fair to make me go to a tribunal at my own expense to have to fight this he should pay the CM that they have said is due! He can afford it comfortably. We both have our own careers and when we were together we all benefited from his salary and now the children do not benefit from his salary when they are with me so he can afford to take them on lavish holidays whereas I cannot so I look like the poorer parent. I am going to fight this and I am going to show that I do more than he does and I am going to win at the tribunal and I am also going to contest his CB claim as he cannot even get the money so that is taking it away from me. A few of you have said I can challenge this through a court so if the tribunal route does not make things fair then that will have to be next.

Ok but you are the poorer parent? That’s just life. My parents split when I was a teen, one retained more assets and pension in the divorce but the other had a significantly higher income, so more holidays / experiences with them. That’s just life and we were incredibly grateful for anything from either parent but the biggest gift was having relatively amicable co-parents. Don’t squander that - your kids will benefit far more from that than you destroying it so you can take them on equivalent holidays.

BennyHenny · 22/03/2026 17:57

NotMajorTom · 22/03/2026 17:51

Either you’ve jumped the shark with your reverse, or you really are that greedy…

Show quote history

Yeah totally this, my money is on the former as it’s just ticking a few too many of the goady stuff that gets posters piling on to the OP!

mindutopia · 22/03/2026 17:57

Dh makes 2-3x what I make. Even if we parented 50/50, there is no way I could provide the standard of living he could if I was solo parenting. He would be gladly handing over £800 a month. In fact, he provides at least that now. I think where this went wrong was you didn’t have a conversation about it first. It’s a bit spiteful just to lodge a claim, even though I think, yes, he should be rightfully paying it.

misscarlar · 22/03/2026 17:56

I have the same custody arrangement of a week on week, week off with an almost 13 year old
If my ex was earning nearly 3 times more than me he would definitely pay more for things like tech and high cost activities
Would I go after him for CM when we have the same parenting costs absolutely not.

I think at the moment I earn more than him and I can't image him doing it to me either.

Scarlettpixie · 22/03/2026 17:54

Flipping heck, you got 70% of assets and half his pension and you do 50/50 and pay half of everything, you were getting the CB and you want him to pay you CMS too? Wow.

I don’t blame him for fighting back. Be careful this doesn’t bite you on the ass. It sounds like you’ve had a decent co parenting relationship up to now and it would be a shame to ruin that.

You are the poorer parent, that’s just factual but you might have done better by asking for extra money or rather for him to pay specifically for extra activities your kids want to do but you’d struggle to contribute to. That said, you are hardly on the breadline.

JustAnotherWhinger · 22/03/2026 17:53

Actually just realise that quite a lot of this post is exactly the same as the last one.

right down to the “it’s 50/50 but I do more”

NotMajorTom · 22/03/2026 17:51

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 17:38

Ok I did not expect it to blow up like this, from my perspective it does not seem at all fair if he has all the money which he could spend on the children and I don't have access to the same.We agreed through divorce and actually I came out with almost 70% of the assets and half of his pension, no spousal maintenance was due and that is what was agreed then but that was a few years ago. And they did say that during divorce if the children were 50/50 then there is no CMS due but that does not appear to be the case as they have already awarded it to me and he is paying it, so clearly there is! It is not fair to make me go to a tribunal at my own expense to have to fight this he should pay the CM that they have said is due! He can afford it comfortably. We both have our own careers and when we were together we all benefited from his salary and now the children do not benefit from his salary when they are with me so he can afford to take them on lavish holidays whereas I cannot so I look like the poorer parent. I am going to fight this and I am going to show that I do more than he does and I am going to win at the tribunal and I am also going to contest his CB claim as he cannot even get the money so that is taking it away from me. A few of you have said I can challenge this through a court so if the tribunal route does not make things fair then that will have to be next.

Either you’ve jumped the shark with your reverse, or you really are that greedy…

Laura95167 · 22/03/2026 17:51

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 17:38

Ok I did not expect it to blow up like this, from my perspective it does not seem at all fair if he has all the money which he could spend on the children and I don't have access to the same.We agreed through divorce and actually I came out with almost 70% of the assets and half of his pension, no spousal maintenance was due and that is what was agreed then but that was a few years ago. And they did say that during divorce if the children were 50/50 then there is no CMS due but that does not appear to be the case as they have already awarded it to me and he is paying it, so clearly there is! It is not fair to make me go to a tribunal at my own expense to have to fight this he should pay the CM that they have said is due! He can afford it comfortably. We both have our own careers and when we were together we all benefited from his salary and now the children do not benefit from his salary when they are with me so he can afford to take them on lavish holidays whereas I cannot so I look like the poorer parent. I am going to fight this and I am going to show that I do more than he does and I am going to win at the tribunal and I am also going to contest his CB claim as he cannot even get the money so that is taking it away from me. A few of you have said I can challenge this through a court so if the tribunal route does not make things fair then that will have to be next.

  1. You are the poorer parent
  2. You already have 70% of the assets and half his pension and were getting both Child Benefit amounts AND you want more of his money?!?!
  3. He offered to pay all shared Child expenses
  4. CMS will find you the primary parent if you get Child Benefit for the children. If he makes a rival claim it will likely end up 1 child each.
  5. He can claim Child Benefit and opt out of payments. They wont give it to you based on whether or not hed take the money
  6. Youre being entitled and making a mistake
dadtoateen · 22/03/2026 17:50

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 17:38

Ok I did not expect it to blow up like this, from my perspective it does not seem at all fair if he has all the money which he could spend on the children and I don't have access to the same.We agreed through divorce and actually I came out with almost 70% of the assets and half of his pension, no spousal maintenance was due and that is what was agreed then but that was a few years ago. And they did say that during divorce if the children were 50/50 then there is no CMS due but that does not appear to be the case as they have already awarded it to me and he is paying it, so clearly there is! It is not fair to make me go to a tribunal at my own expense to have to fight this he should pay the CM that they have said is due! He can afford it comfortably. We both have our own careers and when we were together we all benefited from his salary and now the children do not benefit from his salary when they are with me so he can afford to take them on lavish holidays whereas I cannot so I look like the poorer parent. I am going to fight this and I am going to show that I do more than he does and I am going to win at the tribunal and I am also going to contest his CB claim as he cannot even get the money so that is taking it away from me. A few of you have said I can challenge this through a court so if the tribunal route does not make things fair then that will have to be next.

You came out with 70% of assets and half his pension and you want more??

wow, feel sorry for the poor bugger….

apart from ‘cause he earns more’ why do you think you deserve more money?

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