Page 12 | Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

fixatedplanet · 2026-03-22T14:34:52+00:00

Hi all, I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice. We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but.... The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half. He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!! We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me. I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs. Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back. Thanks in advance.

ProlongedAffair · 23/03/2026 07:01

do you know what, even though I still think I deserved the money for all the years and extras I did, now I know the system and with hindsight I never should have gone down that path. Up to you, you are going to lose.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 23/03/2026 06:45

You sound unbelievably greedy and entitled, OP.

Whaleandsnail6 · 23/03/2026 06:43

fixatedplanet · 23/03/2026 05:49

Even if he does get child benefit and then decides to do a counter claim with cms then because I earn significantly less then it will still be him that is paying me each month, and it might be like he gives me 600 but then I have to give him 200, from what I have witnessed so far CMS are pretty rigid and unwilling to make changes and would be unlikely to award maintenance against me and even less likely to close the entire case entirely!

So for the sake of potentially coming away with £400 a month (after you have paid him the £200) you have probably gotten rid if any goodwill and good relations between you and your ex, for what?

You already got 70% of the split in the divorce to reflect income differences

He already offered to pay more of the joint expenses.

You are not hard done to financially.

You have come across greedy and grabby. Of course when together you all benefitted from his higher income...you were a family then. Your kids still continue to benefit from his high income when they are with him.

If you came into some extra money now , would you share it with your ex? After all that would only be fair in your eyes, wouldn't it?

EwwPeople · 23/03/2026 06:39

fixatedplanet · 23/03/2026 05:49

Even if he does get child benefit and then decides to do a counter claim with cms then because I earn significantly less then it will still be him that is paying me each month, and it might be like he gives me 600 but then I have to give him 200, from what I have witnessed so far CMS are pretty rigid and unwilling to make changes and would be unlikely to award maintenance against me and even less likely to close the entire case entirely!

Is it really worth all that hassle , legal costs and a deteriorating relationship with the coparent for £400 a month? You need to sort your priorities out.

paintedpanda · 23/03/2026 06:22

I can’t believe, after reading the other thread, that anyone in their right mind would continue down this path. Don’t continue with this madness, OP!! Look at the other poster; she was devastated when her kids left her because of her greed.

I also struggle to work out how someone on £60k a year with 70% of the marital assets and only 50% of time with the children is struggling to afford a nice holiday.

Deskdog · 23/03/2026 06:11

fixatedplanet · 23/03/2026 05:49

Even if he does get child benefit and then decides to do a counter claim with cms then because I earn significantly less then it will still be him that is paying me each month, and it might be like he gives me 600 but then I have to give him 200, from what I have witnessed so far CMS are pretty rigid and unwilling to make changes and would be unlikely to award maintenance against me and even less likely to close the entire case entirely!

Why would CMS make him pay anything to you? Maintenance is for the costs of looking after the children more than 50% of the time. If the children are shared 50/50 neither part owes the other one anything whatsoever. That he earns more than you it totally irrelevant. The sooner you understand this the better. Stop wasting money on legal fees.

scoobydeedoo · 23/03/2026 06:00

fixatedplanet · 23/03/2026 05:49

Even if he does get child benefit and then decides to do a counter claim with cms then because I earn significantly less then it will still be him that is paying me each month, and it might be like he gives me 600 but then I have to give him 200, from what I have witnessed so far CMS are pretty rigid and unwilling to make changes and would be unlikely to award maintenance against me and even less likely to close the entire case entirely!

And what if he then decides not to pay any of the kids shared costs? Uniform, school trips etc?

Seriously, the amount of shitty dads out there who don't see their kids, don't pay for them because they either don't work or work cash in hand to avoid paying, and you've got a co-parent who does 50/50 care, offered to pay for all the shared costs, what sounds like a really good co-parenting relationship and you are willing to throw that away to line your pockets with his money you don't deserve? Nah, this thread isn't real, I don't believe it for a second.

Bearbookagainandagain · 23/03/2026 05:59

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 17:38

Ok I did not expect it to blow up like this, from my perspective it does not seem at all fair if he has all the money which he could spend on the children and I don't have access to the same.We agreed through divorce and actually I came out with almost 70% of the assets and half of his pension, no spousal maintenance was due and that is what was agreed then but that was a few years ago. And they did say that during divorce if the children were 50/50 then there is no CMS due but that does not appear to be the case as they have already awarded it to me and he is paying it, so clearly there is! It is not fair to make me go to a tribunal at my own expense to have to fight this he should pay the CM that they have said is due! He can afford it comfortably. We both have our own careers and when we were together we all benefited from his salary and now the children do not benefit from his salary when they are with me so he can afford to take them on lavish holidays whereas I cannot so I look like the poorer parent. I am going to fight this and I am going to show that I do more than he does and I am going to win at the tribunal and I am also going to contest his CB claim as he cannot even get the money so that is taking it away from me. A few of you have said I can challenge this through a court so if the tribunal route does not make things fair then that will have to be next.

You don't "look like" the poorer parent, you are. He earns more than you. That's the reality. If you want lavish holidays you can't afford, get a better job?

You're intending to "prove that you do more" whilst admitting many times here that you share everything 50/50 including expenses. So what you do mean is lying to court?

Original poster

fixatedplanet · 23/03/2026 05:49

Even if he does get child benefit and then decides to do a counter claim with cms then because I earn significantly less then it will still be him that is paying me each month, and it might be like he gives me 600 but then I have to give him 200, from what I have witnessed so far CMS are pretty rigid and unwilling to make changes and would be unlikely to award maintenance against me and even less likely to close the entire case entirely!

OP posts:

ReadySteadyCant · 23/03/2026 00:14

ProlongedAffair · 22/03/2026 20:11

I’ve been in your exact situation this time last year actually and they WILL give him the child benefit and he WILL get child maintenance off you. I can’t comment on the tribunal aspect as I am still waiting for that.

Show quote history

My sister has just been through it. Her husband was the one in the OPs situation, leaving with bulk of the joint assets and then expecting her to fund his lifestyle with the “it’s not fair she earns more than me”. He got the shock of his life when he had to pay her more or less the same and she had to pay him. One if the kids left to live with my sister full time because of the way he was going on so he then had two children to pay for. He was very confident that that would never happen too.

YanbuOk · 22/03/2026 22:54

Oh dear, not often I have empathy for the man.

You literally got the vast majority of what he likely had built. That was deemed fair by the Courts. CMS is a blunt instrument- when they look at the facts they will give one child to each and he can counter claim from you.

I would advise you to get legal advice quickly. And see sense for the sake of your children.

Oh and actually have some decency.

Livpool · 22/03/2026 22:51

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 19:36

I can assure you all that I am not the same person that posted previously on another thread although I have now read that thread and there are certainly similarities but I do not for a minute expect my boys to want to leave me!

Neither did she!

You aren’t entitled to your ex’s money, as if you are married

Livpool · 22/03/2026 22:49

Starzinsky · 22/03/2026 19:54

So you got 70% of assets in the divorce but you now want him to fund your lifestyle like your married. Time to face reality he is no longer your meal ticket your income & lifestyle is on you, shame to ruin your co-parenting arrangement being greedy.

👏🏼👏🏼

Newyearawaits · 22/03/2026 20:46

SwirlingAroundSleep · 22/03/2026 19:11

So in the divorce you took an extra 20% of the assets, presumably to compensate for lower earnings during the marriage.

You are no longer a couple, he therefore owes you nothing. He owes his kids something but he seems to be doing right by his kids time wise and financially.

The fact he can afford to spend money on holidays with the kids but you can’t shows he’s doing the right thing by them. You’re just bitter about this, rather than thinking it’s great that your kids have these opportunities because of who their dad. Instead you’re annoyed things are no longer shared in terms of your finances so they do those things with you. That’s the reality of being divorced - your finances aren’t shared.

Honestly, I think it’s quite clear you’re being greedy. You’re not hard up, you’re just not mega-wealthy. He pays for things for the kids and has them 50% of the time, so has as much time to work as you do. Unless there’s some drip feed where he only works term time and has them more in the holidays so you do more school runs etc. then you both have equal earning opportunities and he actually left the marriage with fewer assets than you (30%).

The kids ought to love you for being their mum and doing right by them - you might be poorer than their dad but you should be glad they benefit from that and still have a stable and loving home with you. You’re also not financially unstable if you have half his pension and 70% of marital assets, you just don’t get to continue benefitting from his finances post marriage because that’s the whole point of a clean break divorce.

Show quote history

This 100pc
OP, you are being unbelievably unreasonable and greedy.

ProlongedAffair · 22/03/2026 20:11

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 19:36

I can assure you all that I am not the same person that posted previously on another thread although I have now read that thread and there are certainly similarities but I do not for a minute expect my boys to want to leave me!

I’ve been in your exact situation this time last year actually and they WILL give him the child benefit and he WILL get child maintenance off you. I can’t comment on the tribunal aspect as I am still waiting for that.

Thechaseison71 · 22/03/2026 20:03

Usernamechanging · 22/03/2026 14:53

It isn’t greedy to expect parents to contribute to the upbringing of their children proportionate to income.

Show quote history

Which he may well be doing when he has them. It doesn't mean he has to give their mother more money

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 22/03/2026 20:01

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 19:36

I can assure you all that I am not the same person that posted previously on another thread although I have now read that thread and there are certainly similarities but I do not for a minute expect my boys to want to leave me!

They will if they find out you're using them to try and extort money out of your ex.

You have a chance to withdraw your claim and pay back the money voluntarily. If you don't, he will win at tribunal, you'll lose the CB, you'll be ordered to pay back the maintenance and you'll lose the respect of your sons.

Your move.

Starzinsky · 22/03/2026 19:54

So you got 70% of assets in the divorce but you now want him to fund your lifestyle like your married. Time to face reality he is no longer your meal ticket your income & lifestyle is on you, shame to ruin your co-parenting arrangement being greedy.

Tableforjoan · 22/03/2026 19:49

Look your playing with fire. Cms is totally irrelevant for those incomes and 50/50. As others have said they work on who gets the benefit. And he will get one of them.

and he won’t need to pay a penny more than ordered by a court. Say goodbye to all goodwill.

Riverz · 22/03/2026 19:47

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 19:36

I can assure you all that I am not the same person that posted previously on another thread although I have now read that thread and there are certainly similarities but I do not for a minute expect my boys to want to leave me!

She didn’t think her DC would leave her either, but they did.

This really isn’t the hill to die on.

I can promise you he will win the CB claim and you will be out of pocket for the legal fees. Don’t do this to yourself.

He will win because it’s fair that he does, and this is what happens in 50/50 situations. This situation usually allows either parent to claim some entitlement rather than 0. It just is this way and you aren’t about to be some kind of test case challenging the CMS and changing things. You will just lose

I'm not judging you for your decisions, I am just being honest with you. As one woman to another, I genuinely don’t wish anyone ill in life. I have no reason to want to wish ill on you, but you will not win

satsumaqueen · 22/03/2026 19:44

I don’t understand why you need an extra £800 a month? If he splits everything, what do you need the extra for? I can’t see how you would be spending another £800 a month on your children for the 2 weeks you have them.

Genuinely don’t get this. It makes no sense unless you are just wanting some of his salary for yourself?

Laura95167 · 22/03/2026 19:44

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 19:36

I can assure you all that I am not the same person that posted previously on another thread although I have now read that thread and there are certainly similarities but I do not for a minute expect my boys to want to leave me!

Neither did she til it happened

Riverz · 22/03/2026 19:43

Yes he will win. This is quite common for 50/50 situation for each parent to have one CB claim each.

Holdmybeermoment · 22/03/2026 19:43

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 17:38

Ok I did not expect it to blow up like this, from my perspective it does not seem at all fair if he has all the money which he could spend on the children and I don't have access to the same.We agreed through divorce and actually I came out with almost 70% of the assets and half of his pension, no spousal maintenance was due and that is what was agreed then but that was a few years ago. And they did say that during divorce if the children were 50/50 then there is no CMS due but that does not appear to be the case as they have already awarded it to me and he is paying it, so clearly there is! It is not fair to make me go to a tribunal at my own expense to have to fight this he should pay the CM that they have said is due! He can afford it comfortably. We both have our own careers and when we were together we all benefited from his salary and now the children do not benefit from his salary when they are with me so he can afford to take them on lavish holidays whereas I cannot so I look like the poorer parent. I am going to fight this and I am going to show that I do more than he does and I am going to win at the tribunal and I am also going to contest his CB claim as he cannot even get the money so that is taking it away from me. A few of you have said I can challenge this through a court so if the tribunal route does not make things fair then that will have to be next.

You are going to lose.

They awarded CMS because you get the child benefit. But you only get that because your ex lets you. He is equally entitled to the claim. It does not matter that he can’t actually receive the money; they don’t care about that. You will lose. They will award him child benefit for one of the kids, and you the other. Then you cannot claim CMS against him. And you will have wrecked a good co-parenting relationship out of sheer greed.

Please listen. You will 100% lose here.

You’ve already been compensated with 70% of the assets and half his pension. You are not entitled to his money anymore. He earns more and can do things with the kids that you can’t. That is life. You are not being unfairly treated.

You need to stop and repair the coparenting relationship because you will lose this.

Original poster

fixatedplanet · 22/03/2026 19:36

I can assure you all that I am not the same person that posted previously on another thread although I have now read that thread and there are certainly similarities but I do not for a minute expect my boys to want to leave me!

OP posts: