Would you let your 12 year old go to funfair alone?

Absolutely no way! I don’t even understand how you think this would be ok!

That is awful. I'm so glad you were ok. It's far too easy to pick up a small child or coerce them to go with a stranger. Just because it's unlikely doesn't mean there's still not a risk.

The others saying yes because they were fine are missing the point. THEY were fine because nothing happened to them, not everyone is as lucky so I don't know why you'd even take the chance. I remember being approached by adult creeps as young as 13 when I was out walking my dog.

My friends dd was assaulted at the local fair, there can be trouble at fairs and absolutely no way I’d let young kids go on their own.

Absolutely not. There can be some very creepy people both working at and attending funfairs. The good compromise is as already been suggested, take her but wait in the car or at a nearby cafe with coffee and a book, so you are nearby if she feels unsafe.

Oh God, OP, no!

Even if nothing worse happens to them, what if they got separated? When I'm in crowded places (especially at night), I have to really watch to make sure I don't inadvertently lose sight of someone. The 10 year old might not like this sister bossing him around and deliberately go off on his own. If this happened, what would they do? They wouldn't know who to ask for help, or how to find each other again and they'd be wandering around in the dark, very distressed and very vulnerable...to attention from unpleasant people.

And then they're 40 mins bus journey away. Just think about the implications of that if they did lose each other at the fair.

And that's if they didn't experience much worse (sexual comments, leering, even being approached by dodgy people), theft, danger from some of the rides etc etc etc.

Giving adolescents a chance to develop confidence and independence is one thing....but at an evening fun fair 40 mins away, in charge of a younger sibling, is not the way to go.

Absolutely not.

No way.
She’s too young to have the responsibility too of her younger brother.

It's still weird that you're only acknowledging 1 of the children, is the 10 yr old not yours? Is he a sibling on her dad's side or something?

There is always trouble at one of the fairs in my town. Absolutely no way would I have a 12 yr old looking after a 10 yr old walking there either, let alone a 40 minute bus ride with 2 changes. What exactly are you going to do when one of them is sick of being told what to do by the other and walks off?

No I wouldn’t. Mines 15 and I’d let him go alone and would have for a couple of years with friends, but not alone and certainly not with a younger sibling. I’d do what others have said and let her pick a friend if she wants then take them and I’d keep the younger one with me while she goes off with a strict meeting point and time to meet back up plus make sure phone is fully charged in case. That gives her a bit of freedom but not the responsibility of her sibling

No I would not. Fairs attract dangerous, calculating people. I grew up in the town where Mark Tildesley disappeared at the funfair.
They go with you or not at all.

Of course fewer bad things happen when people are exposed to less risk (there would be absolutely no motoring injuries if nobody drove cars). But this is about a proportionate response to risk. Were we too permissive in generations past, and is our approach now more reasonable?

I would say that we were not too permissive previously, and that our approach is too risk averse now. But obviously people can parent how they like.

I agree that kids should gradually learn responsibilities. I suppose I just think that perhaps we infantilise them too much in some ways these days (and yet, oddly, do the opposite in many other ways like when I see 8 year old girls having birthday parties at beauty salons).

It's all about balance isn't it?

It’s statistically safer now precisely because parents tend not to allow kids to do things like this any more.

Also, a general sense that parentifying older children isn’t a great idea. It’s good for children gradually to learn responsibility. It isn’t great to make eldest daughters in particular into mini surrogate mothers.

In earlier decades often parents allowed their kids to take on an unwise level of risk. Just because people did something in the past does not make it a good thing. In earlier decades the numbers of accidents, traffic accidents, injuries, fatalities, assaults, sexual assaults, etc. was also often much higher than today. That’s the trade off with taking more risks - they can (and did) go wrong.

I wonder why that is. Society is demonstrably and obviously safer now than then (statistically, and experientially with things like mobile phones and CCTV).

I have no issues at all with my parents' attitudes, and mirror them with my own kids. The absurd levels of risk aversion in society when it comes to kids are not healthy, and perhaps are a contributing factor to a lot of problems later down the line when young adults seem less capable of managing imperfect situations.

I walked to school in south London at the age of 4 completely alone. I still say absolutely not.

I would have no problem with my 10 & 12 year olds doing this, but they're both young carers so a lot more mature than their years.
Honestly Mumsnet doesn't know your kids only you know them!

Good for you

I wouldn't be happy with a 12 year old being responsible for a 10 year old. Also, I assume this is daytime? Is it a safe area? How large is the fair? I would let my 13 dd go to the small seaside fair near here in the summer with her friends in the day time but not large fair in a city.

Why are you concerned about your daughter and not your son? 10 is much too young to be left in the the care of a 12 year old to get two buses to a funfair!

My daughter is 11.5 and I would let her go
to a funfair with friends if it was local/short walking distance away or if an adult was dropping off and picking up. I don’t think I’d let her get two buses though, not quite yet. Although some of her similar age friends do go into town a short bus ride away and im
guessing she’ll be asking to soon. We are in Scotland so she’s not at high school till August. She’s not a particular savvy 11 though. You say your daughter is used to getting buses and using Google maps so although that sounds a bit young to me (is she just 12 or almost 13?) perhaps it’s fine for your daughter. Under your circumstances and given she’s used to getting buses I’d let her go with friends, but with her phone fully charged and possibly location switched on! But not to take her brother, no, he’s much too young.

Absolutely NO to all of this!

If it was in our town and I was dropping her off and was with pals .
. Probably

Absolutely not with a younger sibling who could row with her and then have to navigate home again

I find it weird how your not concerned your 10 year old is going but concerned for your 12 year old (maybe I'm just reading it weirdly )

From reading the thread I think it’s worth remembering that all fairs are not equal. A small funfair which is run by one company in somewhere like Bourton on the Water is going to be different to a travelling fair like Hull Fair or the Goose Fair and there will be a lot in between.

Where I live there is a family company who travel round with their fair. They have the same people working for them every year and their reputation would be ruined if their staff did the dodgy stuff people think about when thinking about fairs. A big fair like Hull or the Goose fair would be a firm no for my kids until they’re older.

I did just have a Google about child abductions/ murders from funfairs and the only one I could easily find was from 1984 so I don’t think that’s a huge risk. More kids have been abducted walking to school.

Can you imagine how you would feel if something terrible happened. They are too young to be left I think.

Me too, I was taking younger siblings (aged 9) into town and getting the bus around by myself at age 12/13. Not unusual at the time (90s). But I was a very sensible, parentified eldest daughter; and I now think what was my mum (who was normally very sensible!) thinking! I wouldn’t let my daughter do that now at the same age.

No. Mark Tilderly was kidnapped and murdered when he was alone at a fair. That story haunts me to this day. Seriously not worth it