AIBU to ask DH to come back from London as baby and I are unwell?

I hope you’re ok. I’ve just completed 3 days alone with the kids, one who was ill. I full on cried about an hour before DH stepped through the door. I’m not trying to minimise how you feel, how you feel is valid, I’m sharing in hope you’ll have some level of comfort there are loads of us out there also having a stressy day parenting alone. We’re all in it together, even though we don’t see each other, but we’re here with you. You know I read recently on MN that there are nuns, the Norbertine Sisters, who wake every night to pray for mothers who are up with their children at night. Sometimes I look out the window at night whilst swaying, I can’t see anyone obviously, but I know I’m not alone. X

There are 2 adults there. The night might be tough but granny can take over in the morning and you can get a good sleep then

Do go back to the hospital or Drs tomorrow if your eye seems to be getting worse though. Eyes are very important!

Hope you’re ok OP.

I do feel for you as it sounds horrible. I don’t think your husband needs to come back (I know you’ve told him not to) but I think people are being unkind.

You do get this on AIBU - people being incredibly blunt with posters who are clearly having a hard time already. I don’t think it’s called for.

Could your Mum at least do the early morning that your DH does, having got some sleep in herself? That doesn’t sound too horribly taxing even at 75. I know 75 is quite old for night waking as my parents are 77 and 75 (I was so lucky they were 58 and 60 when I had my eldest, who was very sick) but an early morning might be manageable bearing in mind the unusual circumstances?

Don’t listen to people saying it’s only an eye infection. I was just about to comment warning you to be careful. My daughter complained of a sore eye in Jan- I thought it was dust in her eye. Long story short- she had a rare and serious eye infection - acantomeoba she nearly lost her sight and still on a controlled antibiotic 4 times a day until April.

I hope the night goes well for you.

Cranky baby and eye infection? You will cope.

It feels monumental but hopefully it’ll all be fine for you. Just take it all as it comes

Mine was away all week every week for the first 18 months (only home for a day and a half a week). No family within 5000 miles and I was exclusively expressing so had mastitis approx every month. Not once did I drag him home.

You have help for the 4 year old and the antibiotics should kick in quickly.

Gently, op, put your phone down, have a warm milk or hot chocolate and close your eyes. In front of the telly with pillows and a duvet. I sometimes find that if I stop trying to sleep, sleep comes so make sure younare warm and comfy.

Pulp yourself together.

are you quite anxious generally

Just sending strength.
Don't assume you all have to be tucked up on bed tonight.
Let grannie sooth the baby for the forst part of the night while you and the 4 year old sleep. Then swap. Doze in the armchair with baby in the basket near you. Alternate calpol and baby nurofen.
If you feel the eye getting worse during the night, try to get to A&E by 5.30/6ish which I understand can be a quieter time.
Ring DH from the hospital if necessary to get home and relieve grandma who can also get your sister round even if other dc in tow.

Hope you feel better by morning.

Keeping fingers crossed that tonight goes well and baby settles. My DH often goes away with work for weeks at a time and I used to get quite anxious knowing I was solely ‘on’. That’s eased over time. But I totally get the Sod’s Law of all this happening when your DH is away. That used to always happen with me and it’s crap. I remember one time he had just left on a two week trip and the kids got chicken pox!!!
I hope you get some sleep and your eye feels better.

Glad to see you have thought better of calling him home. I totally get how shit it can be, my ex worked permanent nights and dealing with a newborn 24/7 on his work days nigh on killed me, especially when she was poorly.

Tonight/tomorrow is time to make life easy, call for a takeaway, have a pj day with the kids. Let the older one have a tv day (it won't kill them for 1 day) and just make life as easy as you can!

Give baby some calpol and then try and get some rest tonight.

Can I just say how full of grace your answers have been, @Dinosaurhearmeroar ?

I was often left alone in tricky situations as my partner worked away loads when my children were small. Luckily I didn’t get seriously ill, though! I did suffer from PND from having two under two and coping alone a lot. It’s not until now that I can rationalise this; it takes a village etc.

Anyway, I hope your eye gets better soon and hope your night isn’t too bad 🤞

Oh come on. Unless grandma is frail or has health issues she’ll surely be able to manage one night if necessary. I’m 73 and I certainly could.

You’ve already got grandma helping ! How many people do you need ffs!!

maybe you should learn to look after yourself and your baby even when you feel unwell as this is gonna happen many times now you’re a mum !
toughen up and manage your catastrophsing and you’ll start to feel better !

If she was a single mother in this situation and she had to go to hospital for iv antibiotic and be admitted and she truly has zero support (no friends, no family) she would take her kids with her to the hospital and they would have to find arrangements through emergency social services. Again if she had an actual medical emergency where she needs to go a&e the other parent needs to be there.

Imagine being a single parent with no support. You get get on with it

It's 1 night this happened to me when my ex was working away. Not that he did much parenting anyway. I had an autistic toddler to take to nursery 1 mile walk each way and 6 month old baby. It swelled had swelled up when I got antibiotics it was dripping puss was grose. But I got on with it because I had to.

Risk of losing sight isn’t an emergency?

she has a very very high chance of needing to go to the hospital in the morning. He should be home ready incase she becomes ill in the night. Her health needs to be priority m. 8 don’t think people realise how dangerous this could be. It’s not a cold.

YANBU. If I had a new employee who explained that situation, I'd be sympathetic to their need to ensure the well-being of their wife and child. I would think it pathetic that my company could not accommodate such an urgent situation without the world collapsing around it. I would consider emergency transport options if the employee stayed but the situation deteriorated. Later on, I would monitor for patterns of unreliability emerging, but for now this is not the time for jumping straight to 'company before family'.